This here is the sounding board, the place where I put a whole buncha weirdo .wav files for your listening pleasure. Moos have Macs, of course, but .wavs unfortunately, are the sound file of choice on the Internet. If you, too are an underrepresented Mac user, email me and I'll send you a wonderful shareware program that translates .wavs into Mac sound files and vice-versa. It's a godsend!
Anyway, back to the task at hand... The sound files come from various Moo-worthy television shows such as "The Tick" and "Space Ghost Coast to Coast." Well enough Mooing, let's get on with it!

Monty Python
"Shut your festering gob, ya tit!" (47K)
"Nee!" (6K)
"Help, help, I'm bein' repressed!" (23K)
"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!" (35K)

The Princess Bride
Fezzini: "Inconceivable!" (20K)
Wesley: "Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." (56K)
Fezzini: "Have you ever heard of Plato? Aristotle? Socrates? ... Morons." (45K)
Fezzini: "You'd like to think that wouldn't you?!" (26K)
Inigo: "... You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." (92K)

Scooby Doo
Scooby: "Scooby Dooby Doo!" (44K)
Shaggy has a looney sense of humour. (128K)
Shaggy: "Food, my favorite hobby!" (47K)
Scooby Dumb: "Well Scoobity Doo!" (17K)
Freddy agrees with Shaggy and Scooby for once. "Let's scram!" (59K)
A Shaggy snack?! (135K)
Shaggy: "Zoinks!" (6K)

The Tick
(If no speaker is given, it's probably The Tick himself.)
"Well, once again we find that clowning and anarchy don't mix." (95K)
"Well, I'll try anything once." (49K)
It's the evil midnight bomber what bombs at midnight! (58K)
Some Random Guy: "Man, those are big pants!" (38K)
"Whoa, cool!" (28K)
"I might be dangerous!" (54K)
"All in a day's work of a superhero...." (54K)
"Evil is just plain bad!" (79K)
"Awww, no fair!" (46K)
"Ha ha!" (23K)
Die Fledermaus: "Where are the cops in this town?!" (41K)
"Oooh, good monkey!" (44K)
"Aww man! That's the pits!" (89K)
"Let the probing begin!" (58K)
"... READ A BOOK!" (101K)
"Smooth!" (9K)
"Spoooooon!" (56K)
"I say to you, villains, stop your evil ways!" (100K)
"Heehee! Swingin!" (55K)
"You've got that right, weirdo." (45K)
"Good heavens.... It works!" (54K)

Cartoon Planet/Space Ghost Coast To Coast
Brak: "Remind me not to cross you on a bad day!" (65K)
Brak: "Bongiorno, everybody." (53K)
Brak: Brak has some intimate apparel to loan to Zorak. (265K)
Brak: "You look beautiful in the candlelight, buddy." (156K)
Brak: Imagine Brak hyped up on coffee. It's not pretty. (296K)
Brak: "I'm not a cook, I'm a villain!" (21K)
Brak: "I don't have anything to add to that." (26K)
Brak: "... now I'm dumb as a doornail!" (101K)
Brak: "... The door is made of soup." (57K)
Brak: "I gotta go to the bathroom." (18K)
Brak: "All hail Brak!" (33K)
Brak: "That story scared the pants off me. Guess I'd better put my pants back on." (144K)
Brak: "Space is a vacuum. A VACUUM!" (134K)
Brak: "Hey! What time is it?" (29K)
Space Ghost: "Yeah, whatever." (19K)

The Simpsons
Cecil Kerwilliger (Sideshow Bob's brother): "I had no idea. For you see, I have been on Mars for the past decade, in a cave with my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears." (80K)
Groundskeeper Willie: "Bonjourrr! Ya cheese-eatin'n surrender monkeys!" (90K)
Mr. Burns: "Bah! To hell with this!" (14K)
Apu: "Thank you for coming! I'll see you in hell!" (44K)
Apu: Apu, the 5th Beatle?! (150K)
Sideshow Bob: "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! No truth-handler you! I deride your truth-handling abilities!" (119K)
Sideshow Bob: "That was a well-plotted piece of non-claptrap that never made me want to retch!" (81K)
Homer: "Press any key to continue... Where's the anykey?" (40K)
Homer in pain (80K)
Krusty the Clown's loopy laugh (12K)
Krusty saying "Hey Hey!" (10K)
Apu: "Silly customer! You cannot hurt the twinky!" (37K)
Apu: "For the next five minutes, I'm gonna party like it's on sale for $19.99!" (100K)
Apu: "Yes I'm sorry I do not speak English!" (43K)
"This is not as hot a party as I anticipated." (30K)
Apu: "I am Apu Nahasapeemapetilon" (25K)
Homer tells a lie (173K)
Homer: "No time for that now, the computer's starting!" (25K)
Homer has an argument with his liver (95K)
Homer gets the mail (35K)
Homer in ecstacy (53K)
Homer: "Ah, excuse me, Professor Brainiac...." (248K)
Bart: "I am the thing from Uranus!" (60K)
Homer: "The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice.... Like Urkel! And he appears every Friday night.... Like Urkel!" (95K)

Porky Pig gets down and dirty. (86K)
"There's no need to fear, Underdog is here!" (39K)
"...I'm a ninja warrior now mother." (51K)
"I don't think I need anymore coffee!" (23K)
"I had nothing to do with it." (30K)
"Some mild-ish cursing.. Fun beep sound. (32K)
"Shall we play a game?" Very spooky. (17K)
"I do NOT have P.M.S! ROAR!" (51K)
"I have P.M.S. and a gun. Any questions?" (27K)
"Pop quiz, hotshot!" (25K)
An awesome putdown. (125K)
"Well I've wrestled with reality for 35 years now doctor, and I'm happy to say I finally won out over it." (78K)
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I." (45K)
"I gotta stop bein' a schmuck!" (20K)
"This disk will self destruct in 5 seconds." (30K)
From Clue: "... Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage." (66K)
"... There's nothing so exhilarationg as pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?" (81K)
"This is probably the silliest thing that ever happened to me!" (30K)
Donald Duck gets down and dirty. (41K)
An amusing obscenity-filled quote involving the purchase of tampons. (174K)
"... Hey our taxes are paying their salary. We die, they gotta take a pay cut." (96K)
Some various people saying things suck. Includes Bart Simpson, Wayne, and Garth, and more. (353K)
"You DICK!" (40K)
Duckman: "Who ya calling jerk, ya long-haired, fat-bellied, goofy tatooed 60's throwback village people wannabe biker freak?!" (63K)
The Budweiser frogs do their thing. (87K)
Dennis Miller: "Well... this just in, in an unknown part of the world, something happened involving some people, then it stopped, more details later." (225K)
"Well maybe it's just me, but I believe we're gonna haveta get medeival on your buttocks." (125K)
Winnie the Pooh: "Oh, bother." (12K)
Tigger: "T-T-F-N! Ta-ta for now!" (24K)
"Even though there isn't a thought in my head, it is my right as an American to talk and talk and talk and talk...." (87K)
A hilarious AOL parody (389K)
Lurch: "You rang?" (14K)
"He does weird things to me."... "Oooh, can I watch?" (108K)
Marvin the Martian: "You have made me very angry. Very angry indeed!" (66K)
From Clue: "... You're a bit late for that!" (66K)
From Spaceballs: "At last, we meet for the first time for the last time." (35K)
"Welcome. We have been expecting you. Mua-hahahahahaa!" (242K)
"Hey ya freak! Welcome to AOL." (35K)
Princess Leia: "Why you half-witted, scruffy-looking Nerf-Herder!" (107K)
"I thought I told you never to interrupt me while I'm WORKING!" (57K)
That guy from King of the Hill who talks weird: Something about the WWW and naked chicks.... I think. (117K)
"Yeeee-haw!" (21K)
"You have the brain of a four year old boy. And I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it." (58K)
"The number you have reached, 911, has been changed to an unlisted number." (85K)
Deiter, from SNL: "You are beautiful and angular." (18K)
The theme to "Animaniacs" (728K)
From Clueless: "As if!" (13K)
Eeyore: "It's not much of a tail, but I've grown rather attatched to it." (50K)
"Don't give me that attitude, I've got one of my own." (70K)
Tweety Bird: "Tingin' in da bathtuuub...!" (85K)
"Ya fresh kid, I oughta belt ya!" (48K)
"Blueberries are our friends." (40K)
Tigger: "I... I... I can't ever bounce again?!" (30K)
"You made a boo boo." (20K)
Forrest Gump: "Life is like a box of chocolates...." (83K)
Dot Warner: "Boys... go fig!" (18K)
Bugs Bunny: "Weeellllll... goodbye!" (63K)
"This lag is driving me CRAZY!" (45K)
"MAN, I'm tired of bein' right!" (18K)

Note: A lot of these sounds are uncredited because I got them on AOL years and years ago, so I have no idea where they originally came from. Most, if not all, of the Space Ghost sounds are from the now defunct "Brak Sounds Page," and if it still existed I'd give you a link. Special thanks to The Kwik-E-Mart for allowing me to steal some of their Apu sounds. Thanks also go to my IRC pal "Salinger" for some of the other Simpsons sounds. Major THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to Chrissy, who gave me most of the random sounds in my miscellaneous section. If you have more Moo-worthy sounds you'd like to share, email them to me and I'll post them as soon as I can.


"I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could."
(Orson Wells)