Pillsbury Doughboy Obituary

Pillsbury Doughboy Dead at 71
The famed Pillsbury Doughboy, Poppinfresh Dough, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.

Mr. Dough was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker and the Hostess Twinkies. Mr. Dough's cousins, the Michelin tire boys, appeared deflated by the events.

The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Mr. Dough as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."

He rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Never a cream puff, still, he was always soft hearted and oven tempered. Even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions, often admired for his good taste. His papers will be donated to the Kansas State School of Milling and Baking Science.

Mr. Dough is survived by his second wife, Play. They have two children, John and Jane, and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.