How To Avoid Getting Hired
(as seen in "Fortune" magazine)
These are actual bloopers from resumes people sent out.
- "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
- "I have lurnt Word Perfec 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms."
- "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
- "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
- "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
- "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
- "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
- "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
- "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
- "Am a perfectionist and rarely if ever forget details."
- "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
- "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No committments."
- "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
- "I am loyal to my employers at all costs... Please feel free to respond
to my resume on my office voice mail."
- "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
- "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I posses no training
in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
- "I procrastinate. Especially when the task is too unpleasant."
- "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
- "Personal interests: donating blood. Fouteen gallons so far."
- "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
- "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job hopping'. I have
never quit a job."
- "Marital status: often. Children: various."
- "Reason for leaving last job: The insisted that all employees get
to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions."
- "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my previous three employers."
- "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
- "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."