How To Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity
and Drive Other People Insane

  1. Put your wastebasket on your desk and label it 'IN'.
  2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
  3. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
  4. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
  5. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
  6. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  7. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
  8. Insist that your e-mail address be:
  9. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
  10. Suggest that the Coke machine be filled with beer.
  11. Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
  12. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
  13. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  14. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.
  15. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
  16. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
  17. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  18. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
  19. Dont use any punctuation
  20. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  21. Ask people what sex they are.
  22. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  23. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
  24. Honk and wave at strangers.
  25. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, then eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
  27. type only in lowercase.
  28. Go around saying "What? Never mind. It's gone now."
  29. Sing along at the opera.
  30. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
  31. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.