1. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
  2. He who hesitates is probably right.
  3. The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
  4. Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
  5. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  6. In order to get a loan, you must first prove that you don't need it.
  7. Okay, I'm gross, but I'm training to be disgusting.
  8. When it comes to humility, I'm the very best there is!
  9. Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
  10. I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
  11. I never repeat gossip, so please listen carefully the first time.
  12. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
  13. If at first you do succeed, try to hide your surprise.
  14. Teamwork is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.
  15. Always lean on your principles, until they give way.
  16. When I was a kid, I ran away from home. My parents changed the locks.