Disclaimer: Okay, people, listen up! It's taken me months of writing to finish this parody, so don't go around dissing it. I started this the first time the episode aired and it was a lot of work. Besides, I know where you live.
Random Kid: Hey, Ashley, nice jacket!
Ashley: I'm designing it to be fashionable and timeless.
Random Kid: I meant the one you're wearing.
Ashley: This thing? This is crap.
Random Kid: It's still better than the one you're making.
[Random Kid leaves. Cassie enters, holding a rolled-up magazine using it as a pretend microphone.]
Cassie: This is Cassie Sham. Tell me, Miss Ashley Hamhead, what's it like in the high and glamourous world of fashion?
[Ashley doesn't respond.]
Ashley: I'm sorry, Cassie, I'm just wondering if I still have it anymore.
Cassie: What "it"?
Cassie: Don't worry. You never had that.
Ashley: (depressed) Thanks.
[Ashley and Cassie depart. Divatoxic's periscope comes out of a cup of java. Some stupid beatnik student takes the cup and drinks from it, choking on the periscope.]
[Over-elaborate new theme song sequence.]
[Angular Grove's Beleveled Beach. Hulk and Dull (invisible due to dangerous radiation from the torpedo strike a couple of episodes ago) spot a family having a picnic.]
Dull: Hey, Hulkie, look at this. (Imitating Yogi bear) A picinic basket!
Hulk: Yeah! let's grab it!
[Hulk and Dull rush to the picnic and eat all the food. The father (coincidently played by Dan Akroyd) dons a Ghostbusters suit and blast them. Hulk and Dull dash off.]
[In the Slanted Park, Cassie and Ashley are walking, talking.]
Ashley: ...I mean, I made this jacket in the fourth grade!
Cassie: The Fourth grade? And it still fits?
Ashley: Okay, I made it three weeks ago. But...
[A limosine drives up, dispensing Madame E Vil.]
Madame E: (instantly feigning love of the ugly jacket) Oh, darling! That is simply a wonderful jacket! You must allow me to mass produce it without you knowing it makes people incureablly evil!
Ashley: Does it involve drugs?
Madame E: No. Darling, you must know when opportunity knocks.
Ashley: Well, as long as drugs aren't involved, I guess it's okay.
Madame E: Perfect!
[Madame E exits for the limo.]
Ashley: It probably involves drugs.
[Inside the limo, Madame E transforms into a monster. Divatoxic is sitting beside her.]
Madame E: Does it involve drugs?
Madame E: We're in.
Divatoxic: Of course we're in. Being a Power Ranger deteriorates their brains! And it works fast! Ba ha ha ha ha!
[In the Divatoxic manufacturing plant, several Farfrommittrons are attempting and failing to mass-produce the hideous jackets. Several of them are going blind and insane just from looking at them.]
Divatoxic: My jackets are working!
Rybog: Um, excuse me, but exactly how will we get people o put these jackets on? I mean, I'm afraid to be in the same room with them.
Divatoxic: We'll add something to them that will have people swarming to
[Suddenly, Smelgar walks past, chomping on a chocolate bar.]
Divatoxic: That's it!
[She snatches the chocolate bar and throws it into a vat.]
Smelgar: Hey! I've been saving that for years!
Divatoxic: Now we have the element that will have people droning in to buy these jackets.
Smelgar: My DNA?
Rybog: I still think that money would have worked better.
[At the Beleveled Boardwalk, the invisible Hulk and Dull are putting on a "Magic" show. Hulk is wrapped up like the invisible man and Dull is doing all the hard labour by lifting up a heavy chest.]
Dull: Hey, Hulkie, when can I take a break? This thing is killin' my
Hulk: Quiet Dull.
[Dull collapses from exhaustion.]
Hulk: And now for my greatest trick...
[Hulk takes off the wraps to reveal his head is gone.]
Random Woman: OH, SICK!
Kid Jerk: Screw you guys, I'm leaving.
[Dull grabs the kid and holds him upside-dwon and shakes all the money from him.]
Kid Jerk: Okay, okay!
Hulk: (pointing a finger at the others as if it were a gun) Let that be a warning to the rest of you...
[Camera angle changes. We see the six Power Teens walking down the Boardwalk.]
TJ: Nice location.
Carlos: Too bad we're only using it once.
[Suddenly, a stand opens up and displays Ashley's jackets. People swarm over to the stand while trying not to stare directly at the jackets.]
Ashley: My jackets!
Chris: AAAH! I can't look directly at them!
[Chris acts sensible for once and dashes off. The others are suddenly drawn toward the jackets (except Ashley).]
TJ: (expressionless) Even though those jackets are ugly a shell I am
attracted greatly toward them.
Justin: (also expressionless) As am I.
[The teens head like zombies to the booth and put on the appropriate colour-coordinated jackets. Ashley is about to grab a jacket for herself, but an old lady snatches it first.]
Ashley: Hey! That's my jacket!
Old Lady: Do you want to get hit with my walker?
Ashley: It's yours.
[For some reason, Ashley walks alone on the Boardwalk. Chris manages to catch up.]
Chris: Hey, Ashley, your jackets are all gone.
Ashley: Hey, Chris, how come you're limping like that?
Chris: Oh, that old lady jabbed me in the leg after I knocked her Rascal.
Ashley: I was gonna do that.
[The glow-in-the-dark communicators beep.]
Chris: What do you want?
Beta: Teleport to the Battle Basement immediantly.
Chris: Do we have to?
[Ashley and Chris teleport.]
Chris: Okay Tin man, what's going on?
Beta: It looksa like Divatoxic's taryin ta hit da mooseum!
Ashley: Does he always talk like this?
Chris: Ooh, yeah.
Dimitiria: You must hurry Rangers, time is of the essence. Besides, everyone is giddy to see the new morphing sequence.
Ashley: Then they'll be disappointed. Paste Into Turkey!
[Ashley and Chris morph in cheap footage.]
[At the museum outlet, several Farfrommittrons are stealing paintings from a truck that has the words "Please Do Not Steal" on it.]
Smelgar: Hurry, Stupid soliders!
Rybog: Yes, make haste!
Smelgar: "Make Haste"?
Rybog: Well, it sounds better than "Hurry".
[Ashley and Chris arrive, morphed.]
Smelgar: AAAAGH! THE POWER PEOPLE! I don't like them! They embarrass
Rybog: It's only two of them, and they don't even know how to fight! Get them, Farfrommittrons!
[The Farfrommittrons attack Chris and Ashley.]
Chris: I don't like this. And I've been doing this for our years!
Ashley: I've got an idea!
[Ashley and Chris unimpreesively backflip into the truck. Ashley tugs on the chain to make the door close.]
Smelgar: Oh, I get it. You're yanking my chain!
[Smelgar cuts the chain and Ashley flips out, shutting the paintings inside. Chris then hits the truck door, leaving a large Chris-shaped dent in there.]
Ashley: Sorry, Chris.
[Back at the Boardwalk, the Rangers are taking turns being unusually nasty to each other.]
Justin: This jacket sucks! And you all look even more hideous than usual!
TJ: Speak for yourself, microdemon.
Cassie: Y'know, even though this is the first episode with us all as regular rangers, I am already sick of you total idiots.
Carlos: Well at least I don't have to have another actor play myself in the morphing sequence.
Cassie: Ooh, big word. How far are you getting in "Hooked on Phonics"?
Justin: Hey TJ, watch this.
[Justin splashes Cassie with his coke.]
Cassie: Why you little weasel! Aw kil ya!
TJ: That's the spirit!
[Cassie begins attacking Justin as Ashley and Chris return unmorphed. Chris is limping again.]
Ashley: Hey what's going on?
Carlos: Cassie's about to kill Justin. This is really sweet.
TJ: By the way, I've seen better jackets on the golf course.
Justin: It's your jackets. They suck Big time!
Chris: Uh, yeah, they do.
[The director walks on and slaps Chris upside the head because Chris is not supposed to be under the influence of the Anger jackets.]
Carlos: El jacketis sucko mucho grandes.
[Ashley runs off, beginning to cry.]
Justin: Mission accomplished.
Chris: (to director) Do I stay here?
Chris: Okay. (not sure about what to do next) So, how've you guys been?
[In another part of town, the Flu Centurian is writing tickets on cars for his own personal amusement.]
FC: (to himself) Okay, technically, driving a blue car is not against the law, unless it offends up to six small minorities, but I can make up some random stuff on here and collect a 600 dollar fine. Now where's my car boot?
[FC looks up and sees a guy wearing an anger jacket giving the finger to a driver wearing an anger jacket.]
FC: Nothing odd there.
[Suddenly, there's all this wailing and screaming.]
FC: Though it's not really my business, I had better investigate.
[FC sees a stand of Anger jackets out of control heading down a hill headed striaght for madame E and Kenny.]
FC: Oh brother. Civilians in danger. Can't they stay out of trouble for five minutes?
[FC dashes up and holds onto the stand to try to stop it. There is a thump and the stand stops rolling right before it hits Madame E. FC looks around.]
FC: Oh my god! I killed Kenny! You bastard!
Madame E: Oh, I must thank you. You saved my life.
FC: That should justify...
Madame E: Please accept this little token of my appreciation.
[Madame E tries to get FC to weap a yellow Anger Jacket.]
FC: Please, I cannot accept. Although I do have a golf outing this afternoon...
[By now FC is wearing an Anger Jacket.]
FC: God this is ugly. Oh well. I'm feeling like going on a rampage. Sympelizer Blaster Mode!
[FC starts going on a rampage, blowing up objects and people with his Sympelizer.]
[In the park, Ashley is crying.]
Director: That doesn't look realistic.
Ashley: I just banged my face into a tree. It's REAL!
Director: Take Two!
[Ashley is crying. Beta pages her communicator.]
Beta: Yo, yo Ashley. Is you cryin'?
Ashley: Ya think?
Beta: Geez, tough crowd.
Dimitira: Will you get to the point of this communique?
Beta: Oh, yeah. The Flu Centurian is going on another rampage, and this time he's wearing one of your hideous jackets!
Ashley: Contact the others.
Beta: Well, Cassie's really beating Justin up good, and I really don't wanna stop it. But they're under the influence of the Anger jackets. Get those off an they'll return to normal.
Dimitira: Can't I explain anything?
Beta: No one likes you anyway.
[At the boardwalk, cassie is giving Justin the atomic wedgie and Chris is now wearing an appropriate-coloured jacket. All the guy Rangers (including half the population at the time) are cheering Cassie on.]
Cassie: Say it!
Justin: Okay, okay, I am a little turd!
Justin: And you are the most attractive Ranger!
Justin: You weren't in "The Mystery Files Of Shelby Woo."
Ashley: (arriving just in time) Is Justin okay?
Chris: Got me. This is really sweet. You won't believe the secrets this little guy had.
Ashley: Down to business... (serious tone) You guys need to take off those jackets before you do something you regret. And hurry! the Flu Centurian is on the rampage.
Justin: (wincing in pain) Again? Can't we leave him alone for ten minutes?
TJ: Why should we take off our hideous jackets?
Ashley: Because why would you wear something hideous?
TJ: Good point.
[The rangers all take off their jackets and return to normal.]
Cassie: What happened?
Justin: You were giving me an atomic wedgie. Are you sorry?
Ashley: Come on, guys, we need to stop the Flu Centurian!
[The rangers dash off, leaving Justin behind.]
Justin: (walking very unusually) Wait up, guys!
[The rangers (and pretty soon, Justin) reach the city where FC is going nuts with his gun.]
Ashley: Stop it!
FC: Who are you?
TJ: We're the Power People.
FC: You are?
Carlos: Yeah, we just started today.
FC: Ah, the Power People. Target practice!
[FC starts blasting at them, always mssing.]
TJ: Paste Into Turkey!
[The ranegrs all morph and pose.]
All: Power People Turkey!
FC: For some reason, a fight scene here would not do well, and I am contacted to use my zord once in every episode. Roto Rooter!
[FC's Roto Rooter heads into a large comical tunnel.]
FC: It's time to engage Roto Rooter Battle Mode! Go!
[The Roto Rooter turns into a humanoid robot and heads off to rampage throughout the city.]
TJ: The fool. Doesn't he remember we have...
All: Turkey MegaZord Power Now!
[The six TurkeyZords crash and burn and merge together to form Turkey MegaZord.]
TJ: Let's go!
[Sudddenly, one of DivaToxic's torpedoes, carrying a huge anger jacket, hits the RR and it is suddenly wearing an anger jacket of it's own.]
Chris: Oh, man, that thing is even worse in mega size.
[Ashley whaps Chris on the head.]
[The MZ and RR head off and battle each other for a while.]
TJ: I've got an idea.
[TJ jumps from the zord head and falls flat against the street.]
TJ: (funny nasal voice) I'm okay.
[TJ jumps up again and lands in the RR cockpit.]
FC: Intruder! Intruder! Prepare to die a horrible...
[TJ yanks the battries out of FC's back. FC slumps forward sgainst the steering wheel. TJ rips off the jacket and turns FC back on.]
FC: What happened?
TJ: You went on a monster bezerker rampage and wore a hideous jacket.
FC: Again? Well, I'll have to get this awful overgarment off the Roto Rooter.
TJ: Cool I'm headed back to the MegaZord.
[TJ leaps out of the RR and crashes into a business building, right on the table during an important conference.]
Boss: What the?
TJ: Uh, keep up the good work.
[TJ jumps again and lands in the MZ.]
TJ: I gotta work on my jumping.
Divatoxic: Fire Torpedoes!
Porko: At what?
Divatoxic: The Monster I have up there.
Porko: You have a monster up there?
Rybog: Firing torpedeoes one and two!
[The torpedoes fire and grow the monster version of Madame E.]
Madame E: What darling Power people!
TJ: Another monster! Wow, the excitement sure doesn't end in Power People!
Cassie: Shut up, TJ.
Justin: You better lsiten to her TJ, She gives a killer atmoic wedgie.
[Madame E sends plaid around the MZ and sends bolts of electricity to it, short-circuiting the MZ.]
TJ: Whoa! Is this job exciting.
Chris: You're so full of it, you know that?
[The RR breaks through the plaid.]
TJ: Thanks, Flu Centurian. MegaZord Spin Fry!
[The MZ spins uncontrollably and manages to destroy the monster somehow.]
[At the Boardwalk, a stand runner is setting fire to all his Anger jackets.]
Ashley: Well, there goes my only chance at clothes designing.
Chris: (putting his arm around Ashley) Don't worry. Perhaps you're serving
the world better this way.
Ashley: (removing Chris's arm) Cassie, give him an atomic wedgie.
Justin: (covering his eyes) I can't watch.
[At the Youth Hostel, a guy, let's call him Austin because I think that's his name, is sitting down with food and several textbooks. The invisible Hulk and Dull take the opposite chairs. They are slowly but surely returning back to normal.]
Hulk: Hey, Dull, this is the life.
Dull: You said it Hulkie.
[Hulk, who is perfectly visible at this time, takes Austin's burger and waves it in the air.]
Hulk: The increadible flying hamburger! (eats it) disappears!
[Austin pours his milkshake on Hulk's head.]
Austin: The increadible retard! Disappears!
[Austin leaves. Hulk and Dull have surprised expressions on their faces. Lt Stone comes up.]
Lt Stone: Hulkmeyer! Dullovitch! (hugs Hulk real real hard. Hulk's eyes
begin to bug out) The show's been going downhill since you left! What have you
been up to?
Dull: Well, we put on Shakespeare, and we raked in lots of cash during our own production on Hamlet. We're planning to do MacBeth next summer.
Lt Stone: Well, welcome back to the show.
[Lt Stone leaves.]
Hulk: how does this episode end?
Dull: I dunno.
Smelgar: Oh, I get it, you're yankning my chain, aren't you?
[Cuts the chain, Ashley flips out. A second later, Chris bursts right through the truck door.]
Ashley: You okay?
Smelgar: Oh, that's gotta hurt.
Director: Can we try that again?
Chris: It kinda hurt.
Rybog: That was really a good action shot.
Chris: Thank you...
Chris: Rybog! Thank you RYBOG!