Page Two: Jim
Page Three: Blair
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Page Five: Blair
Page Six: Jim
My name is Blair Sandburg, and I am lost.
Sometimes I find it hard to look at myself in the mirror, knowing what I've become.
On the surface, I've got a great life in a large, beautiful house with my best friend, Jim Ellison.
But I still lie awake at nights, staring blindly at the ceiling, wondering what could have been.
Jim and I have tried to start over; to move beyond what went wrong and get our lives back on track.
Jim had been disillusioned by the whole mess, and had gotten a job as an executive assistant at a large firm downtown. But he soon learned that being in law enforcement was part of who he was, and he now works nights as a security guard. Besides, he hated taking orders from fat old windbags in pinstriped suits.
I finally managed to find work as a science teacher. It's not my chosen field, but at least I'm back in academia. I worry about Jim, though. He's not happy, and I don't know what to do to make things right.
Jim tells me that he's alright, that we're alright, but it's just hard. I know he worries about me... I'm not the man I used to be.
I've taken up painting; it helps me sort out my thoughts, and all of my thoughts come back to Jim.
Can he truly be happy? I would go back to Cascade and face the hatred of those around me if it would mean that Jim could have his job back, and be happy. He was the best detective Cascade had ever seen, and as we boarded the plane to SimsVille, Simon told him that he would always be welcome in Major Crimes if he changed his mind. But Jim said that he wouldn't -- couldn't -- do it without me, so here we are. Just... hanging on.
Things used to be so different. Jim never used to worry so much about me. Of course, he worried about my physical well-being, which is understandable, considering my penchant for trouble, but now he worries about my mental state as well. I see him staring at me sometimes, and I can read the questions in his eyes. I wonder if he lies awake at night, as I do?
It's getting easier, that's for sure. I'm still the perpetual student, even if I'm no longer in school. I have a newfound love for the classics, and I've become addicted to chess. It's a good thing Jim likes it too, or I'd always have to play by myself!
Jim says he's happy and at peace with the way things are, and I want very badly to believe him. If he's happy here, then maybe I can let go of the guilt and be happy too.
Goodness knows, I've moved past everything materially. This house is way bigger than the loft, and check out my new wheels!
It's a perfect life, in theory, but the guilt has a way of popping up at odd times and sucking the joy out of everything, even the sports car. I'd give it all up, if it meant Jim could have the happiness and the life he deserves.
I'd give it all up in a second.