Chapter 8: Epilogue
(And in the end....)

The stone made a tiny splash at it hit the surface of the lake and sank without ceremony, and Howie sighed, leaning back against the tree at his back and closing his eyes. It used to be that skipping stones was a good way for him to relax, but he was too tense now even to do that. The stones kept sinking like—he chuckled humorlessly—like stones.

The others were all inside, asleep in bed as any normal person would be at this time at night. Or morning, he amended, glancing at the dawn beginning to peek over the horizon. The return to the Compound had been a good idea, he'd thought. It was a safe place, far away from the memories of what had just occurred, and the retreat would give him the time and space to come to terms with what he had been forced to do. Unfortunately, it wasn't working. He was as sleepless and heartsick as he had been before, and there was no end in sight to his misery.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" came Justin's voice, startling him. The young man stepped noiselessly to his side and took a seat, not waiting for an answer. "I slept a bit, but I kept waking up. I'm restless, I guess."

Howie shrugged, not really sure he wanted the company.

"I know how you feel, you know," Justin said, after a long, tense silence.

Howie felt an irrational surge of anger. "Do you?"

"Yes," Justin answered, infuriatingly calm. "I've killed, as well."

The anger vanished as quickly as it had come. In his own pain, Howie had forgotten about Justin's experience with Keith Andrews, the madman who had attempted to steal Nsync's powers and had, in the process, seriously injured Joey and actually killed Chris. Briefly. "Oh," he responded. "I suppose you do."

Justin lips quirked upward, more of a grimace than a smile. "It's different, though. You did what you had to, to save... well, everybody. I just got pissed and committed murder." Howie looked at him sharply, but Justin ignored him, continuing to talk. "Anyway, it'll stop hurting this way, eventually. I won't lie to you, you won't ever get over it completely. Necessary or not, you took a human life, and that hurts. It changes you. But it doesn't make you a murderer."

Justin turned to look at him then, his blue eyes burning. "Listen to me, Howie. You did everyone a favor. Everyone, including 128. What kind of life did he have? You told us yourself that he thanked you, in the end. He knew, deep down, that something was wrong. He was miserable, and he was glad it was over. And 169. You gave him his freedom, a chance at a semi-normal life. Not to mention everybody unlucky enough to get in 128's way. Joey's still twitching, as you well know, and the hospitals are full of innocent bystanders who got zapped at the hotel. You have to stop beating yourself up, man, it doesn't do anybody any good."

Howie was quiet for a moment before speaking. "I know that, J, in here." He pointed to his forehead. "But in here—" his heart, "—it feels like the world is ending."

"It's not, though." Justin stood and stretched, his eyes on the brilliant colors of the dawn sky. "It feels like it is, but it's not."

"I know that. I know that we've rid the world of a terrible threat. I know that 169 is happily living out his last days in a real house with 154's ghost and two little dogs. I know that we all made it through and that we prevented a lot of deaths. But none of that changes the fact that I killed a guy, okay? It doesn't make everything okay."

"I didn't say it did." Justin turned to go back into the Compound. "But you can either wallow in your guilt and anger or you can start living again. Your choice. Me, I'm going back inside. I'm tired."

Howie watched him go, heart sinking as he recognized the barely-contained fury in Justin's step. "J, wait." He stood and chased after him, placing a hand on his shoulder to stop him. "I'm sorry, I.... I'm sorry."

Justin shrugged violently, dislodging Howie's hand. "Yeah, well.... So am I."

He continued walking, his posture stiff and forbidding, and Howie's heart gave a painful lurch. "Jesus...." he muttered, turning abruptly to go back to his tree by the lake. Once seated, he closed his eyes tightly and drew his knees up to his chest, clasping his hands in prayer. "Lord, please help me. I can't do this alone. I broke one of Your commandments and I'm alienating my friends. I just.... I need you Lord, please. Forgive me."

When he opened his eyes, the sky was blazing a deep orange-pink, the lake sparkling with reflected glory. Barely daring to hope, he stretched out a trembling hand and picked up a stone, sending it out onto the surface of the water.

It skipped three times.

Howie's eyes filled with joyous tears and he lifted his face to the sky. "Thank you."

The End

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