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Note: Just who's idea was it to invite the Terrible Trio over to stay a week?
Author's Note: Now I understand the pain that Dagmar went through, in her story, Muses Abroad. But she had three. I had nine. Yes, 9! A week that was supposed to be fun, and generate goodwill, turned into a disaster. And what was that address, Peregrine?
God, when was it? It must have been a couple of weeks before the 13th of December, that Ebrale started asking to read the muse fics produced by Dagmar and Mele. Like a fool, I agreed, and then Geneva, Calika, Ebrale, Lares, Kalends, Vedic and myself spent a nice time reading the humorous stories.
Note to self: When they turn up the charm that high, banish them!
"Hey, Author!"
"The Author has a name, Vedic."
"Mistri, you're such a great author, and we think you are so great and kind, etc. etc. Can Ted, Murray, and Heyoka come visit?"
Of course, I didn't fall for the flattery. But they'd been working well, so I decided, why not?
I soon discovered, why not.
~*~
For the next ten days, I, Dagmar, Mele, and Perry traded emails about this visit, and arranged everything. They sent warnings:
Dagmar wrote:
I thought you wanted to meet the Terrible Three?
Ted: **HEY!!!**
*smiles innocently at outraged Polar Bear*
Yes, Dear?
Ted: *gives author withering look to no effect, slinks off into favorite corner muttering death threats*
You want permission to go? Then behave.
Ted: **That's blackmail!**
Yes. So?
Ted: *grumbles, fumes*
That's what I thought. Anyway, if you're REALLY sure you know what you're letting yourself in for, if your life insurance is paid up and liabilities are covered, I'll let Ted come. But I won't be responsible for any property or mental damages incurred during his visit! (by the way, Peregrine has this address for psychiatric emergency services. They offer a great discount, too. Just mention Ted, Murray and Heyoka's names ... they'll know what to do. You'll be back to normal in next to no time. I hope 2006 is fine with you?)
Mele wrote:
If you are insane enough to want to invite the gruesome threesome over....well, have fun....and don't blame us innocent authors for what they do..... :)
Perry wrote:
too true... the Bird Wonder is playing up something chronic right now so I'm not sure he deserves a holiday but _I_ do... !
That warning from Perry alone should have warned me. But no, I thought it wouldn't be that bad.
~*~
It was the twelfth, and I was informed, due to a clash in the teaming of names, [muse logic, don't try to understand it...] Geneva was changing her last name from Oliver to Rawlings.
At about ten, I re-read the warnings and such, and saved the muse fics temporaily to disk, just in case. I noted that Heyoka would pick up Ted and Murray, and then come to my place.
Judging by the manical looks of my muses, all hell was going to break loose.
I idly wondered, was it too late to get insurance?
~*~
Today was the 13th. The day they were to come. Kinda appropriate, to tell the truth.
And at 12.08 pm, the portal began to open. Now, I don't know how Heyoka does it, [ask Peregrine], but my guess it would take a while. I also guessed, that either:
Because I didn't know when they had left from Ted or Murray's place, those were the three possibles I had thought up.
So.. the portal was opening, and soon, a kitten-sized frog, a toy-poodle-sized bear and a chick not much bigger than a dwarf rabbit, were sitting near my mouse.
"Hey, where are the girls?" enquired Ted.
"Girls?"
"This is a great welcoming commitee," muttered Murray, and I shot a Look at him. Finally the six dragons that weren't that much bigger than my mouse - [only by about 225%, just a shade smaller than Ted] - appeared.
Then the Shameless Six and the Terrible Trio disappeared off to do something or other. And I was unable to find them for a while.
At 7:37, they arrived back, and were not that receptive. Plus they were so covered in mud it wasn't funny.
"You've been gone for a shade over seven hours. What were you doing?"
Shooting me innocent looks, that I immediately disregarded, they began to explain.
~*~
Apparently, the girls had shown Ted, Murray and Heyoka around, and then Ebrale, Ted, or Lares, I don't know which, got the bright idea of finding a Christmas tree. So, without any note to me, off they went.
Investigation revealed that the backyard wasn't going to be of any help, and that left one option. Go up to the main road, and see the trees available there. Never mind that the tree was oh, about twenty times their height.
So, in about three hours, they had been able to get a branch, that would serve as a tree. It would have been quicker, but there were unexpected delays, such as no saw, Mundanes and Unbelievers everywhere, plus a steaming Author.
"Then what happened, Ted?"
"Well, Heyoka kinda conjured up a storm..."
"There have been no storms today."
"It was a very localised storm.." contributed Kalends.
All stupidly hanging onto the branch, they were whisked away.
"Did it occur to you to drop the tree, branch, whatever?" I asked, with the faintest trace of sarcasm.
There were howls of protest. "And lose our TREE?!" demanded Murray.
"Where is it, then?"
"Well, there was a wind, and it blew us away, and we got stuck in a tree, and then when we got out, a Zord came by , and splattered us with mud..." said Calika.
"Humans don't have Zords. We have cars, buses, ect."
"Whatever.. And so we started flying again, but we had some trouble. We ran straight into a wall, and then fell into more mud, and we finally got out of the mud and came home..." muttered Lares.
"Where is the tree?" I asked, with a dangerous tone.
"Probably still in the mud," announced Heyoka cheerfully. I groaned.
"Go take a bath, and go to bed, or come back here!" I said. They left, and I rolled my eyes.
They came back, and arranged themselves around my keyboard. Kalends appropriated her spot on my left shoulder. Geneva and Calika positioned themselves on my speakers. Ebrale fluttered down to my right wrist. Lares and Vedic took the top of the printer, and Ted, Murray and Heyoka took the left of my keyboard.
So we edited some fics, listened to some songs, and did whatnot.
~*~
Friday 14th
I got up, leaving da muses asleep, and found my computer was screwed. So I trusted the muses to stay at home, and be good, and went to get a cd, to fix the problem. I came back at five, having left at quarter to twelve, and fixed the prob, only to find that my dad would have to fix it up more.
But I had it working, but I wasn't sure about the I'net. Thank God Heyoka was portaling them home. We then looked at the computer, and started to do something or other. It didn't take long to pick up on the radiating bad mood.
"What happpened?" I asked.
"Ted is a nincompoop," announced Vedic.
"Apologise, and explain yourself!" I commanded.
"Nah-uh. He called you a stupid idiot, cause you was mean to Dagmar, he said, and we called him a nincompoop."
"First, it is 'you were mean', and I probably was. However, none of you have any right to call each other names. Now, all of you apologise."
Grumbling, they did, and I sent them off, wanting to talk to Ted.
"Ted, I thought Dagmar and I had made that up. We discussed it, all who needed to apologise did so, and we never mentioned it again. Why did you bring it up?"
"Dunno," he said, rolling up into a tight ball. However, he was minus a lap, but that aside, he was embarrassed, but didn't want to admit it. [I did my research!]
"You just shot off at the mouth, and damn the consequences?" I said, taking a peek at Withdrawal Symptoms.
"Yeah..."
Back to another night of editing and writing.... sigh.
And then at about five thirty, I read some emails from Dagmar. She said I must qualify for Sainthood, since I sent out a very nice Christmas email to everyone, while the Muses were visiting.
A night of no sleep, surfing the I'net, trying to coordinate a download [which didn't really download all that well], dissuading Ted, Murray and Heyoka from giving me fic ideas, sigh.... off to bed at six, get up at ten, and about one-thirty the muses were woken up. We finally got back to creating the Guide, and we went to go create everything.
They had been well behaved [i.e. no more escapades] since the tree fiasco. I wondered how long it would last.
Finally, we were able to start thinking about writing some more fiction. While I, and the Shameless Six didn't mind extra help, we were unsure how D, M, and P would react, and after deciding that Ted, Murray and Heyoka knew what their Authors would like kept for themselves, we let 'em help.
Wouldn't they?
~*~
All was well, until I noticed Heyoka was missing.
"Where the hell is Heyoka?" I demanded, my patience having been stretched to the limits.
"Dunno, he wanted fresh air," said Ted, lazily.
"I could've opened a window, for crying out loud."
"Well, he said he was going out for a minute, and that was," looking at the clock, "fifteen minutes ago."
"Well. In that case, let's just look at my account. Hmm. Grilled bear steaks, sautíed frog legs, thunderbird stir-fry, and dragon cake, sounds.... delicious."
In an instant, they hurried off and found Heyoka, who wasn't looking too good.
"I flew into the window," he said pathetically.
"No, you wouldn't have seen it was closed. The glass is clear," I sighed, having realised the answer to my unventured question.
I picked him up and felt for broken bones or the like. He was just dazed. I set him down carefully, and he fell asleep. I got Ebrale to keep him awake, since maybe it wasn't a great idea for a muse with a concussion to fall asleep. Like Billy in '24 hours.' Sigh.
Again we ran through some fics, and defragmented my drive. Then I thought it might be nice to ask Ted about how Dagmar was handling her fics.
He just clamped up and wouldn't tell me how 'Letters' was going along, was she working on anything important. He closed up on anything relating to fics. Sli- lubricous little bugger Murray copied him, and wouldn't even tell me if Mele was planning any more 'Zeo Chronicles', or 'Before And Afters'. Heyoka at least had some sort of excuse, he was suffering a possible concussion, but I wasn't so sure. He looked perfectly alright, and was flying around, flirting with Calika. If you play with fire, you'll get burned. And I was right. Calika got sick of his playing and burned his feathers slightly. No damage done, except for one of two singed feathers, and a lot of hurt pride.
They sorted it out themselves, and then I confiscated Ted's little collection of, shall we say.. adult toys. I thought I'd asked Ted not to bring those and and told Dagmar, that he brought them he was DEAD.
He promised to be good. Apparently he had left them at home. This was a brand new set. With gold and red handcuffs. I rolled my eyes. Just because Dagmar is a Jasonite. Mele and Perry are Yosties. Me? I guess I'm a Phaedosia. That's the best word for it, and until I get a better one, I'll use that one. I have created a Phaedosian team, and am writing [debating on whether it'll get posted] a series dealing only with them.
~*~
"HEY!! GET BACK TO THE MUSE FIC!!! NOW!!!"
~*~
Sigh. So it's 12:11, and we're writing or whatnot. Oh and by the way, Mele, Kalends DARES you to write a story wherein Billy overcomes adversity to be crowned Mayor of Angel Grove.
"There. It's in there. Happy?"
"I guess."
So we got onto the I'net, and we made a shocking discovery. Thuy Trang, Trini Kwan, one of Zordon's Chosen, the Yellow Ranger by which every other Yellow Ranger is measured, died on September 3rd 2001, in a car accident. I instantly searched for news of Valarie Vernon, and was relieved to see that the AML is in remission.
We went to bed after reading Shattered Dreams, by Mele. That is a sad story.
~*~
I finally got up at about three PM, and I decided to try and make Kalends, my Yellow Dragon Muse feel better, by writing a fic dedicated to Thuy, that focused entirely on Trini.
Over the next four hours, I wrote the story, only allowing Kalends input, because she was the Yellow Dragon Muse. Besides, the others were in mourning.
After that was done, I saw hide nor hair of the muses, and since I couldn't hear any untoward noises, I decided they were okay.
Very bad mistake.
I discovered that they had managed to cause Ebrale and Heyoka to have complete nervous breakdowns. How?
They had managed to convince them that they didn't exist, in fact had never existed.
"What's going on here?!" I thundered.
"We don't exist," wailed Heyoka.
"Who's we?" I asked.
"I dunno, she doesn't exist! She never has! Wahh!"
It should have been obvious. If someone has never existed, then you wouldn't know anything about her. Or him, as the case may be.
"Heyoka, if you have never existed, why am I talking to you?"
"You too? WAAAHH!!"
Me too what? Then he thought it over some more, and said "Oh. I exist!! YAY!!!"
"Who said you didn't exist?"
"Them," Heyoka said, pointing to everyone except Ebrale.
"Ebrale?" I questioned.
"You can't talk to me, I don't exist, never have and never will."
I soon fixed that up, and sighed, again, for what? The millionth time? I dunno.
~*~
Again, up all night, but when we went to bed, we weren't tired, although, Murray was hyper.
When we got up, we edited Dagmar's fics for posting, and my muses made comments.
"Wow, Daggy is a good writer. How come you can't write like that?"
"Because, I don't have a toy poodle sized polar bear called Ted, who's into kinky sex," I an swered.
After that, I had to give his ego a bit of a sharp prick, cause it was overinflated.
We wrote a PR Christmas fic!
If I didn't know better, scratch that. They're up to something. But they're being impossibly good!
~*~
So I had to go down to Wollongong to do some shopping. I thanked God that the Muses were invisible and inaudible to Mundanes and Unbelievers.
They made a lot of disparaging comments about various people, and decided to be really annoying. Ted complained every five seconds about the heat, Heyoka made it rain. It rained everywhere but Wollongong! They were going home tomorrow!!
~*~
So I packed them all up at twelve midnight, considering I had to update my site and they were ready to go.
We spent time writing another PR Christmas Fic!!
Finally, at one, Heyoka and crew portaled off. I fiddled around for about twenty minutes or so, before realising that my muses were absent.
"OH NO!!!"
They had left with Heyoka, Murray and Ted!!!
~*~
Tuesday 18th December 2001
So I emailed Dagmar, Mele and Perry. Today I received notification from Dagmar that while I'd gone up to Dad's to get the CD, Ted had hitched a ride, and stolen the key to my dad's liquor cabinet. Not satisfied with that, he lost it on the way home.
Ted asked for his new toys back, complaining that the Sixsome had taken them, hidden them and wouldn't tell him where. Dagmar asked why he continued along in that and where did he get the money, and...
Ted stupidly said in a smug way 'Your credit card'.
Dagmar starting chasing him with a meat cleaver.
I responded, and got this in reply.
~*~
Dagmar had had some groceries go missing, seven knives went AWOL, had caught unexplained movements, BUT had not actually seen anything. Ted explained that the dragonets had wanted a stash of their own liquor, so they could learn to breathe fire ... and who was he to say no to two lovely ladies? Dagmar said that was the lamest excuse she'd ever heard. He couldn't have cared less how I was to explain it to my dad. And in Dagmar's own words - Ted, that is positively the LAST time I'll ever let you go off to a place where I can't be sure about proper supervision! - We had fine supervision. Nine muses are just hard to control, Dagmar.
~*~
Wednesday 19th December 2001
I had to email Dagmar. Ted had gotten to my mother's cabinet and stolen my mother's $300 bottle of wine.
**Who, me? I didn't do anything!** <surreptitiously tries to push glass shards and puddle of wine under a carpet.>
Dagmar found Geneva and Vedic floating around her shiny star above the TV, and sent them along, with a note to say she was sorry that my mother was weeping because of the thoughtless destruction and that Ted would have no salmon for Christmas. Knowning Ted, he conned Dagmar into giving it to him anyway. He can be very sneaky.
~*~
Sunday 30th December 2001
Mele finally responded, having to say that Ebrale and Kalends had returned, after a while of having the Frog Family ... [or Amphibian Atrocities as she called them,] had been looking rather pleased with themselves.
Lo and behold, what does she find? Two out of place dragons, though the yellow blended in well. And she wondered why she was having these stray 'Billy as Mayor' thoughts....argh...
~*~
Friday 22nd February 2002
After three months, I finally got back Lares and Calika. But..
Before this happened the Shameless Six, well, Four, had been missing DataTrekster, and then they found she was visting a fictional computer. Or trying to find one. So she was absent for a long while. Kalends, asserting her authority, decided to get two new muses. Gold and Silver. Destini and Brlyn.
Then we found Data was lost in my comp. Then I found Perry didn't even have my two MIA muses. Data said that they were at a Muse Convention in the Library of Congress in Washington DC. Then, finally, I was talking to Robert about PRWF, and they turned up. Their punishment will need a lot of thought....
Of course, Robert apparently is going to cause WWIII between the Excruciating Eightsome and DataTrekster. Life is never boring.