Disclaimer: MST3K and all characters and situations contained therein are the brainchild of Joel Hodgson, and are the property of Best Brains, Inc. They are used here without permission for purposes of entertainment only. MMPR and all character and situations therein are the property of Saban and Fox. They are used here without permission for entertainment purposes only.
Note: The story "Nightmares" is the property of Kittie, and is used with her kind permission. This MiSTing is not meant as an attack on MMPR, and certainly not Kittie (who's done many fine MMPR fanfics) it is merely something I did for fun.

MSTied: "Nightmares"
by Catherine Johnson

(7th Season Theme)

SOL

CROW is alone behind the desk. He's wearing a joy-buzzer and laughing hysterically.

CROW: Hehehe... Oh, man I can't wait!

MIKE and CROW walk in talking.

TOM: ...No, see, the briefcase was symbolic of-
CROW: HI, MIKE! Put'er there!

CROW sticks out the hand with the joy-buzzer. MIKE can obviously see it.

MIKE: Hehee... No, I don't think so, Crow...
CROW: Oh, come on...
MIKE: No.

Crow moves over to TOM.
CROW: Hey, Tom- put'er there!
TOM: I can't, Crow- my arms don't work.
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in 15 seconds.
MIKE: Look, Crow, we're not gonna fall for the old buzzer trick... Just give it up.
CROW: Buzzer? (CROW looks at his hand) What buzzer?

MIKE and TOM look at each other. MIKE sighs and TOM shakes his head.

MV: Commercial sign in Five... Four...

TOM: Hey, Crow- why don't you go try it on Gypsy?
CROW: Hey, yeah! GYPSY!

CROW turns to go find Gypsy. MIKE hits commercial sign light.

COMMERCIALS

SOL
MIKE and TOM are talking.

TOM: No, see, when the woman said she was "in insurance"-

CROW comes in. He's no longer wearing the joybuzzer.

MIKE: Hey, Crow!
TOM: (trying not to laugh) So, Crow (giggle), did you try the joybuzzer out on Gypsy?
CROW: (angrily) She doesn't even has arms, Tom!!
TOM: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, huh?
CROW: Why you-

CROW lunges at TOM. A fight ensues, made all the weirder by the fact that neither 'BOTS arms really work.
MADS' light flashes.

MIKE: Whoah! Down, boys! Adam Curry and Martha Quinn are calling.
MIKE hit's MADS' light.

DEEP 13.
Dr. Forrester is on the phone.

DR. F: No, I don't want a subscription to the New York Times; I don't even live in New York! I don't care WHAT special you're having this month- how did you get this number, anyway? Look, wisenheimer, call me again, and I'll release a deadly virus into your air duct system! (DR. F notices MIKE and the 'BOTS I gotta go, bye- don't call me again! (DR. F hangs up and turns to MIKE, ET AL Ah, Mike... We meet again at last...

SOL
MIKE: Ummm... But, you called me just yesterday, Dr. F. We talk to you all the time!
TOM: Yeah, whether we want to or not!

DEEP 13
DR. F: Oh, shut up, Nel-sissy! I'm in a _bad_ mood, and when I'm in a bad mood, I like to share!

SOL
MIKE: Oh, I don't think that's really necessary, Dr....

DEEP 13
DR. F: Well, I _do_! So I'm sending you...

SOL
MIKE and the 'BOTS are leaning forward, full of suspense.

DEEP 13
DR. F: A _Mighty_Morphin'_Power_Rangers_ fanfic!

SOL
CROW: AAAAHHH! (falls back in a faint)
MIKE: Oh, please, Dr. F, don't do this!
TOM: (sobbing) We'll be good! Honest!

DEEP 13
DR. F: Oh, shut up and get in the theater, ya big babies! (Dr. F pushes the button)

SOL
Movie sign lights, alarms, etc.

MIKE: AH! Movie sign! Crow get up, we've got to get into the theater!

*door*
Nightmares

MIKE: "What are stories (sic) written by Stephen Ratliff?"
CROW: "What are movies by Coleman Francis?"
TOM: "What are MMPR fanfics?"

by Kittie
Rocky sat up with a gasp, swallowing a scream. He was covered in sweat, and his heart was pounding.

MIKE: Sounds like Rocky had another one of "those" dreams.

"This is the fifth nightmare in so many nights," he hissed frustratedly, jumping out of bed.

CROW: (as Rocky) If I'm not careful, I'm gonna start talkin' to myself.
TOM: You just reffed _Star_Trek_V_! AAAHHH!!!

He hit the floor with a thud; having forgotten how tangled up in the covers he was.

MIKE: Yeah, well, he never has been very bright

After he managed to get loose, and once he was sure no one else in the house was awake, he grabbed his communicator of the nighttable and teleported to the Power Chamber.

CROW: Ummm... Please tell me wearing _at_least_ a pair of boxer shorts.

"Zordon?" He called as soon as he materialized. "Zordon, are you awake?"
The stasis tube lit up slowly, and Zordon's yawning face appeared. I AM NOW.

MIKE: (as Zordon, muttering) Rassa-frassin kids wakin' me up all hours of the night...

WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE, ROCKY?

TOM: Apollo Creed keeps beating me!

"I've been having horrible nightmares, Zordon, and I'm wondering if it has anything to do with Rita and Zedd being back."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

CROW: (as Rocky) You know; the weird, poorly-dubbed lady and the guy with no skin? Well, they're back, see...

"They're all about me and the guys... but I always get killed or something.

MIKE: Hey! I think I'm gonna LIKE this story!
CROW: Woo-hoo!
TOM: All right!

The first one, there was this grey ranger who came out of nowhere, and I got hurt really bad in battle,

MIKE: (as Rocky, in whiny-little-kid voice) And there was this big thing, and it was really scary, and it's all hot and it hurts!

and just before I died, I gave my Zeo Crystal to Billy.

MIKE: And this is... a bad thing?

And then there was this other one, where there was a silver ranger, of all things, and he accidentally killed me with a whip-type thingy."

MIKE: "Accidentally"?
CROW: Well, you know- Freudian slip.

HOW MANY OF THESE NIGHTMARES HAVE YOU HAD?
"Five," he answered glumly. "The past five nights. And if I'm not dying in them, I'm at least being mortally wonded

MIKE: "Mortally wonded"?
TOM: OUCH! Sounds painful!

or going insane or

CROW: How can you tell the difference?

something like that."
HMMM... THIS IS MOST PERPLEXING. ALPHA! ALPHA, WAKE UP.

ALL: Oh, God, no; please don't; NO!, etc...

Alpha plodded out of his sleep chamber with a mechanical yawn.

MIKE: Robots don't sleep!!
TOM: (clearing throat)
MIKE: Oh... Sorry...

"What is it, Zordon? Are we under attack?"
NO, ALPHA. I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SCAN ROCKY

MIKE: (Beavis laugh)

FOR THE PRESENCE OF A SPELL.
"A spell? Why? Are you feeling all right, Rocky?"

TOM: (as Rocky) Oh, yeah, I love not sleeping, and getting woken up in the middle of the night and dreaming about my horrible, ghastly death...

"No. I haven't slept in five nights."
"Oh, poor Rocky!" Alpha ran a scanner up and down his body.

MIKE: (as Rocky) Woo-hoo... (laughing...)
CROW: (same) Oh, watch it! I'm kinda sensitive *there*!

"I do not detect any spells, Zordon."
WELL, ROCKY, IT APPEARES THAT THESE DISTURBING DREAMS ARE JUST IN YOUR HEAD. TRY TO IGNORE THEM, AND PERHAPS THEY WILL GO AWAY.

MIKE: Oh, _there's_ good advice!

"I hope so, Zordon. After all, finals are coming up, and I need my sleep.

CROW: (as Rocky) I'll fail anyway, but I'll feel better.

Thanks anyway."

Ms. Appleby glared at Rock as he stumbled into class ten minutes late. "That's the third time this week, Mr. DeSantos. If you're not careful, your grades will be affected!"

MIKE: (as Mrs. Appleby) You might actually pass!

"Sorry, Ms. Appleby," he replied, slouching over to his desk.
"What's with you," Adam whispered as Rocky collapsed into his chair.
"No sleep."

CROW: SLEEEEP!!

"Again?"
"Mr. Park! No talking in class!"
"Sorry, Ms. Appleby." Adam busied himself writing a note instead. _Another nightmare?_

CROW: (as Rocky) No, thanks, I've had plenty...

Rocky glanced at the note, then nodded slightly.
_You died again?_
Another nod.

MIKE: Adam proceeded to dance for joy.

_What's up with that?_
Rocky shrugged, then wrote a note of his own. _I talked to Z._

TOM: The Famous Teddy Z?

_What'd he say?_
"Gentlemen, are you passing notes?!?"

TOM: Hey, it's better than passing gas.
MIKE: Or stones.
TOM: Ewww...

The class snickered as both Adam and Rocky flushed a bright pink. "I'll take that as a yes. Why don't you do your talking in the principal's office, both of you!"
"Yes Ma'am," they sighed in unison.
"Thanks a lot, Adam," glared Rocky as soon as the door shut behind them. "I really needed that."

TOM: (as Adam) Heh! Fine, see if I help _you_ again!

"If you didn't want to communicate, you should have ignored me," retorted Adam. "Besides, I'm worried about you."
"You should be. I'm gonna fail for sure."

MIKE: Well, duh... What does that have to do with anything in this story?

"Why don't you just tell Ms. Appleby the problem?
Maybe she'll give you a break."

CROW: Preferably the left femur.

"Yeah, right."
"It could happen. She likes you."

MIKE: Ummm... Isn't that illegal??
TOM: Well, if the PR fans are trying to hook Justin up with-
MIKE: Don't...
TOM: Sorry.

"Not anymore." Adam thought about this, and had to concur. "Well, maybe she will again once she finds out what's going on with you. It's worth a try."
"I guess." They reached the benches outside Principal Kaplan's office and took their seats. Rocky yawned and rested his head against the wall, falling almost immediately into a deep sleep.

TOM: Kind of like the audience reading this story.

**They were all playing baseball, he and the gang.

ALL: (singing and swaying) Take me out to the ball game... Take me out to the field...

Aisha hit the ball into the woods, and Rocky, ever willing,

CROW: Especially when it came to Aisha! trotted out to retreive it
MIKE: He's a horse now?

He watched the scene unfold reluctantly, knowing something terrible waited in those woods, but not sure what. He got his answer soon enough--**

TOM: Which was...?

"Aaaiiigh!" Rocky sat straight up, screaming, clutching his hand in deep pain.
Beside him, Adam jumped and fell off the bench.

CROW: (as Adam) Football practice!

"What?!?"
Rocky couldn't breathe. "Wolf! Wolf... got me! Big... wolf!

TOM: Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?
MIKE: Oh, who didn't see THAT coming?

Yellow--!"

TOM: I thought he was the Blue Ranger?

"What are you talking about?" Adam looked around nervously as people began to stare.
"Yellow eyes! Glowing.... Big--!"

CROW: Big! Bad! Big, bad thing! Big...!

Adam slapped him.

ALL: (cheer, clap, etc.)

"Get ahold of yourself!"

CROW: Oh, I think he's been doing a little _too_ much of that lately...

Rocky grabbed at his cheek, the nonexistent pain in his hand forgotten. "What? Where am I?"
"You're at school," whispered Adam, truly disturbed by Rocky's pale and sweaty face. "You had another nightmare."
"Oh man...."

MIKE: I dreamed I was trapped in a bad fanfic and couldn't get out!

Rocky dropped his head into his hands

TOM: Grossing Adam out to no end!
MIKE: Ewww...

and tried to slow his pounding heart. "What is wrong with me?"

CROW: Adolescence is like a storm raging inside you...

Ms. Appleby stalked up to them, ready for a lecture, but stopped as she saw the state Rocky was in.

TOM: Arizona?
MIKE: Iowa?
CROW: Minnesota?

Suddenly concerned, she knelt before him.

TOM: (solemnly Our Father, who art in Heaven...

"What's the matter?"
Rocky just moaned, so Adam took it upon himself to answer. "He hasn't been sleeping well, Ms. Appleby. Really bad nightmares. He just had another one."

MIKE: Thank you, sir; I'll have another...

"Rocky?

CROW: (as Rocky from _Rocky and Bullwinkle_) Again!?

Are you feeling all right?"
He looked up vaguely, his face still pale. "Not really."
"Why don't you go to the nurse," she helped him to his feet, "And we'll forgot this morning's incident ever happened, all right?"

TOM: Considering Rocky's intelligence, he probably already has...

"Okay," he nodded drunkenly, and allowed himself to be dragged away.

MIKE: By men in white coats.

Adam waited until they were out of sight before ducking behind a plant

MIKE: And whispering "Dogs barking, can't fly without umbrella" to John Wood.

and activating his communicator. "Zordon? Rocky's getting worse. I'm kinda worried."
I HAVE BEEN MONITORING HIM,

MIKE: (as Zordon) At least until he gets that restraining order out on me.

AND I UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERN. HOWEVER, I CAN DO NOTHING UNTIL HE HAS LEFT THE SCHOOL BUILDING.
"I understand."

MIKE: (as Adam) Oh, and could you stop shouting? You're giving me a headache...

Adam was about to sign off when he had a thought.

TOM: Yeah, I thought I smelled something burning.

"Zordon? I wonder... there might be someone who could help us...."

MIKE: The Amazing RANDO!
TOM: Mike, will you _stop_ with the "Amazing Rando" stuff?
CROW: Geez, ever since _This_Island_Earth_...

After school was over, Adam went to the nurse's office to collect

MIKE: Protection.
TOM: (as gangster) You got a real nice office here, lady... I'd hate for anything to have to happen to it...

Rocky. He was sitting straight as a rod over by the main window, his eyes wide open in an attempt to stay awake. "Hello," he slurred.

TOM: Yes, folks, Rocky is hopped-up on goofballs!

"Yeah, hi. Nurse Gayser?

CROW: And relation to Paul Michael Gayser?

I'm gonna take him home, if that's okay."
"What about his parents?"

TOM: This is _Mighty_Morphin'_Power_Rangers_- adults don't matter!

"I drove him here," lied Adam. _Does she know I don't drive? Oh man..._ His fears were abated when she smiled at him.

CROW: So, before his fears were abated, was he waiting with bated breath?

"All right, go ahead. Feel better, Rocky."

CROW: Again?
TOM: Oh, no...

"Uh-huh," he muttered, and allowed Adam to drag him outside. "Listen, Rocky," Adam told him as soon as they were in the clear. "I'm taking you to the Power Chamber, okay? We're gonna try something."
"Okay."
Rocky's mouth fell open when they were greeted in the Power Chamber by a familiar face. "Billy?!"

MIKE: Don't be a hero!

"Hi," he smiled, running a hand through damp hair.

TOM: I hope it's on his head...
MIKE: TOM!
CROW: Hey! I'm the one who's supposed to make those kind of jokes!
TOM: Well, it was gettin' old...

He looked younger than Rocky remembered him,

MIKE: He actually _looked_ like a teenager!
TOM: (lustfully) Leaner, firmer...

though that could be because the last time Rocky had seen him (in person, at least, he'd been almost one hundred years old. He also looked thinner, but that could be due to the still dripping wetsuit he had on.

FEMALE VOICE: Oh, yeah... Oohhhh, baby...
TOM: -the hell??
MIKE: Huh?
FEMALE VOICE: Don't mind me, boys- just keep on riffing...
CROW: Oooooka-hay...

Despite any changes, though, his voice was exactly the same.

MIKE: And this is... a good thing?

"Zordon tells me you haven't been sleeping well."

CROW: (as Rocky) Yeah, well, it's not the same without you there...

"I haven't," Rocky confirmed, sinking down onto the exam table.

MIKE: Hey, that must be where he's gonna take the test mentioned earlier in the story!
CROW: You've actually been paying attention?
MIKE: Ummm, well...

"I keep having horrible nightmares."
"So I've been told. We'll figure this out, don't worry."
"What do you care?" Rocky heard himself ask.

TOM: Bitter, much?

"What?" Billy's voice took on an unfamiliar tone: confusion.

CROW: "What. Do. You. Care?" Which word didn't you understand?

"You resent me for taking the blue powers. I thought you'd want me... incapacitated."

TOM: (as Billy, nervously) Gee... Hehe... Why would you think that, dickweed, I mean Rocky?

"Rocky!

CROW: Again!?
MIKE: Crow, will you stop?
CROW: Hehehe...

That's a horrible thing to say," scolded Adam.
"It's the nightmares talking," reassured Billy confidently.

TOM: Juuust keep tellin' yourself that, Billy-boy...

"Don't worry about it. Now Rocky, just lie back and relax."

TOM: (as Billy) And take off your clothes... Oh, and I'm gonna have to get on top of you...

"No! I'll fall asleep!"
"That's the idea."

MIKE: SLEEEEP!!

"No! I don't want to sleep!"
HUSH LITTLE ROCKY, DON'T SAY A WORD.... Everyone looked around, shocked, as Zordon began singing softly.

ALL: NOOOO!!
MIKE: Oh, God... Give us Yoko Ono, give us Leonard Nimoy, even give us Shatner- but not THIS!

ZORDON'S GONNA GIVE YOU A THUNDERZORD. AND IF THAT THUNDERZORD DON'T RUN, ZORDON'S GONNA GIVE YOU A ZEO GUN. AND IF THAT ZEO GUN DON'T FIRE...

MIKE: I'll bet Rocky has that problem a _lot_...
TOM: Ouch.

Amazingly, Rocky started to drop off.

TOM: I'm not amazed- I started dropping off five minutes ago!

In seconds, he was asleep. Billy gently attatched some electrodes to his chest and forehead.

CROW: And around his- (Mike puts his hand around Crow's beak)
MIKE: Crow- behave. Ok? (Crow nods and Mike lets his beak go)

"Now we wait."

ALL: <make patient whistling sounds, Mike twiddles thumbs

**....Rocky shouldered his way to the forefront.

TOM: Come, my friend... Towards the danger!

"Maybe he just needs to be knocked around a little to get his senses back," he yelled, just before charging his former teammate.

MIKE: And giving him a good, swift kick in the groin.

The Blue Ranger leaped through the air, his devastating side kick

CROW: Emma Peel?

aimed at his enemy's head. Suddenly, a chain shot from his target's wrist, wrapping around Ranger Three and slamming him into the ground.

TOM: Geez, FINALLY we get an action sequence!
MIKE: About time!

Rocky struggled to free himself. The chain's links were razor sharp. He noted, with a great deal of suprise, that they had begun to penetrate his suit.

TOM: Especially in his-
MIKE: TOM!
CROW: Stop stealing my schtick!
TOM: Then stop saying "Again!?" whenever Rocky's name appears at the beginning of a paragraph!

To add to his torment, his opponent was tossing him left and right, battering his body against the cliff walls that isolated the little valley.

ALL: (singing) Hit 'im again, hit 'im again, harder, HARDER!

Desperately, he summoned his arm blades. Gasping in pain as his bonds sliced into his arms, he lunged forward and succeeded in cutting through the chains. Shrugging them off,

MIKE: Eh. (shrugs)

he gaped as the breach repaired itself, and the whip prepared to strike at him again. He wanted to pass out.

CROW: Good- now he knows how the audience feels.

"Some kind of drug... he's poisoned me," he thought. Wobbling unsteadily, he forced back the waves of nausea that threatened to overwhelm him.

TOM: Yeah, you and me both, pal!

Sluggishly, he turned to face the thing that had once been his friend, knowing full well he couldn't withstand another attack from that weapon....

MIKE: (Beavis laugh)

Rocky's vision was tinged with red.

TOM: Ewww, his eyes are bleeding!
CROW: YUCK!

He could scarcely stay focused on the chain that slithered in front of him, as though alive. The gold bohemoth before him drew back his arm and snapped it forward in a whipping motion. His reflexes dulled by the toxins coursing through his blood,

MIKE: And his usual lack of intelligence...

Ranger Three could only stare as the links became glowing projectiles.

CROW: (as spaced-out Rocky) Ohhh... Pretty...

The highly charged energy darts easily tore through his suit and ripped into the flesh beneath.

ALL: Ewwwww...

The Blue Ranger giggled compulsively,

CROW: (as drugged-up Rocky) I love getting ripped to shreds! Whee!

unable to feel the grievous wounds that were going to bleed him to death. His eyes would stay open no longer, their lids seeming to weigh tons. Rocky DeSantos welcomed the darkness as it overtook him. With a final gasp of pain, he toppled backwards and remained still...**

ALL: Woo-hoo!!
MIKE: Great, it's over! (picks up Tom) Let's go-

He jerked awake with a cry, willing his body to obey him.

MIKE: Oh, wait... There's more...
CROW: Damn... It was just a dream sequence... (ALL sit back down. MIKE sets TOM back down)

Hands were holding him down,

MIKE: (as Rocky) Yes! My fantasies are finally coming true!

and voices frantically trying to calm him. "What...? Who...?"

MIKE: I don't know!
ALL: THIRD BASE!

"Relax, Rocky, it's just us! You're in the Power Chamber, you're safe!"
"It... it killed me, it was huge...! It had these... chains, and it.... IT HURT!!!!"

MIKE: Awww... Did Rocky get a boo-boo?

"It was just a nightmare," Adam assured him, "A particularly bad nightmare. Try to relax, we're working on the problem."
"No, I can't relax, I'll get killed again!"

ALL: Relax, relax!

"Not if I can help it," said Billy, returning from his vantage spot at one of the consoles.

MIKE: (as Billy) They bought it! Those idiots... They actually think I know what I'm doing!

Rocky gasped and almost leapt to his feet, finally recognizing the voice of the gold bohemoth in his dream. "It was you! You were the gold guy!"
Billy's face took on a pained look. "I was never the gold ranger, you know that Rocky!"

TOM: (as Billy) And thank you _so_much_ for bringing up _that_ painful chapter of my life again...
MIKE: Servo- you don't actually _watch_ this show, do you?
TOM: (defensively) No! Of course not! Why would you think that??
CROW: Yeah... That's what I thought...

"No, not the gold ranger, that gold guy! That killed me! You _do_ want me dead!"

MIKE: Is there anyone who's known you for very long who _doesn't_?

Billy rolled his eyes.

TOM: ...got a four, and moved his little doggie to "Marvin Gardens".

"Whatever. Listen, Adam, I think I have an idea about this. It's weird, but...."

MIKE: (as Billy) ...then, this IS _Mighty_Morphin'_Power_Rangers_, so we're used to it...

"I don't care how weird it is, Billy. Rocky's gonna go insane if we don't fix this."

CROW: And this is... a bad thing?

"Agreed. Heck, he's already halfway there. Alpha, can you contact the other rangers?"

TOM: (as Alpha 5) You do it, I'm bitter.

"Certainly, Billy!"
In moments, the other three Zeo Rangers appeared in the Power Chamber.

CROW: Manny, Moe, and Jack?
MIKE: Harpo, Groucho, and Chico?
TOM: Larry, Curly, and Moe?

"What's up?" asked Tommy, and then he did a double take when he saw Billy. "What--? Who--? How--?"

ALL: THIRD BASE!

"Yeah hi, Tommy, nice to see you again."

TOM: With that, Billy walked up to Tommy and kissed him full on the lips.
FEMALE VOICE: Ohhhh... Yeaaaahhhh...
MIKE: (turning to "camera") Folks, I think we just learned more about our writer than we _ever_ wanted to know...

Much to everyone's surprise, Kat leapt forward and grabbed Billy in a hug. "Billy, what are you doing--"

TOM: If he's smart, copping a feel.

Then she grimaced and let go of him, looking down at the wet spot on the front of her dress.

ALL: Ewwww...

"Here?"
Billy smiled. "Sorry."

MIKE: (as Billy) You'd think I'd've learned to control that by now...

"He's here for Rocky,"

CROW: Again!?
TOM: (to Mike) Please _kill_him_... Or me.
MIKE: Ok, Crow- that's enough...

answered Adam. "You all know about those weird nightmares he's been having, right?"

ALL: Sure, we all do!

The others nodded, and Billy stepped forward with a printout of the readings from his experiment. "Well, I think I've found the cause. It appears there's a parallel dimension somewhere,

MIKE: On, no... Not _Sliders_!
CROW: Hey! I like _Sliders_!

in which all of us are just characters in a fictional television show."

MIKE: A really _bad_ television show...

"What?" asked Tanya, disbelieving. "Come again?"

TOM: Oh, I think he already did.

"That's what I thought," allowed Billy,

TOM: No "Billy", not allowed!

"but these nightmares of Rocky's are coming straight from this alternate dimension. Apparently, fans of this TV show like to write their own episodes of the show.

MIKE: Which are a hell of a lot better than anything actually ON the show...

And lately, a lot of these people have been killing Rocky off."
"But why?"

TOM: I think it's pissed-off Billy fans who are upset that the Blue Ranger went from a sweet, shy guy for whom physics was a hobby to an annoying jerk who has to take off his shoes to count past ten. (MIKE and CROW look at TOM)
TOM: Or... so I've heard...

Rocky sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands. "I'm so lovable!"

ALL: (do that "bulls**t" cough)

"I don't know," answered Billy, shaking his head, "But the high concentration of such stories is affecting your psyche. We have to find a way to end this."
"But don't we all get killed in stories," asked Tommy, still somewhat skeptically.

MIKE: If we're lucky, yes...

"Probably," came the answer, "I guess Rocky's just more sensitive to it than the rest of us."

MIKE: Awww.. Is widdle-bitty Wocky all hurty-wurty?
TOM: EAUGH! Mike, NEVER talk like that again!
MIKE: Ok, Tommy-wommy...
TOM: AAAAHH!

"Or everybody hates me,"

CROW: Bing! Bing! Bing! Bing! Bing! Got it on the second guess!

moaned Rocky. "Either way, I'm dead meat. Literally."

TOM: We _wish_!

"Can we get in touch with these people," asked Kat, wringing out her shirt.

CROW: Did she take it off first?
MIKE: Oh, please, please, please, please, please!
CROW: Been awhile, eh, Mike?
CROW: Geez, Mike, she's a teenager- that's sick!
MIKE: Oh, come on, in real life she's in her mid-20's!
CROW: (pause) Good point.

"Maybe," Billy wrinkled his nose, deep in thought. "But only through... one of those stories."

TOM: Uh-oh...
MIKE: Hmmmmm...

"Well, how do we get one?"
"I'll see if I can make contact with one of the writers. Preferably, one who's been kinder to Rocky."

TOM: Good luck finding one!

He pushed a few buttons on the console, and finally, his face lit up. "I've got one! And she hasn't killed him once!"

MIKE: (as Billy) Stupid, stupid, girl...

"Well, contact her, and hurry," whined Rocky. "I don't wanna die again!"

MIKE: Oh, whine, whine, whine! I have problems, too, ya know!

And there you have it. Billy thanks you for your time.

MIKE: Wait- did we just help save Rocky by reading this?
TOM: AH! We've been used!
CROW: I feel so... dirty... (shudders)

Note: The stories appearing in Rocky's nightmares are the brainchildren of, in order of appearance, Bryan Rowe,

MIKE: Rowe, Rowe, Rowe your boat...

Pat Flanagan, April Richards,

CROW: Daughter of Reed and Sue Richards.

and Padishar Lupine. The nightmare with the gold bohemoth was almost a direct quote from Padishar's fanfic, "Cry of the Wolf," which is available in The Fanfic Shoppe.

MIKE: And at finer hardwares stores throughout the tri-county area.
CROW: Is it _really_ over this time?
MIKE: Looks like it- let's go...

MIKE picks up TOM, and he and CROW leave the theater

*door*

SOL
MIKE and the 'BOTS come back behind the counter. They all look a little shaken

MIKE: (shaking his head) Ouch... All that, _just_ to find out it was some sort of plea to keep writers from killing off one of the characters.
CROW: Yeah... Maybe there's a _reason_ everyone's killing him off...

MADS' light flashes. Mike hits it.

DEEP 13
DR. F: Ah, Nelson... So... Is your will broken yet?

SOL
MIKE: (Thinks for second) Ummm... No, not really.

DEEP 13
DR. F: (makes a manic show of rage) WHAT? You survived that!?

SOL
CROW: Oh, _come_on_... That was TAME compared to your average net.kook!
TOM: Yeah! I mean, geez, compared to most of the fanfics you send us, this was Shakepeare!
CROW: (on a roll) I mean, if you _really_ wanna try and break our will, send us something _bad_.
MIKE: (starting to get worried) Ah, guys... Maybe we shouldn't give Dr. F-
TOM: Yeah, like a Corman film, or something by John_-_Winston!
MIKE: Ummm, guys...
CROW: Or maybe a Make.Money.Fast spam!
MIKE: GUYS!
TOM: How about the latest Ratliff story!
CROW: Or a "good" Coleman Francis movie!
MIKE puts his hand over CROW and TOM'S mouth

MIKE: (nervous laugh) Ummm... I don't know what's gotten into these two...

DEEP 13
DR. F: (looking thoughtful) Hmmmm... Ratliff and Coleman...

Dr. F pushes the button

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Created by
JOEL HODGSON

This MiSTing written by
CATHERINE JOHNSON

Featuring
Crow
TRACE BEAULIEU

Mike Nelson
MICHAEL J. NELSON

Gypsy
JIM MALLON

Servo
KEVIN MURPHY

Also Featuring
Dr. Forrester
TRACE BEAULIEU

End