His thoughts began to wander, as they did every night, to the home and the people he had left behind. What were they doing now? Did they ever think of him, as he thought of them?
He stood and began to walk forward, inching toward the edge as the ground slowly crumbled beneath his feet. His stomach clenched violently, but he stood firm, unflinching. _If I should die before I wake...._
High above, a lone falcon circled; waiting.
The ground dissolved to dust, and as he fell, the young man looked up to the sky. What he was searching for, he would never know, but he would never forget what he saw. The falcon high above let out a shriek that seemed to shake the Earth to its very core. It dove toward him, its form melting into a beam of pure golden-white light.
The light enveloped him - lifted him into the air - and just before he fainted, he swore he heard its laughter.
~*~
The voice, though it was one he had never heard before, was familiar somehow. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut; he dared not open them for fear of what he might see.
_Do not fear me. One should never fear oneself._
"Oneself?" Startled by his own voice, he raised a hand to his throat, and it was then that he realized his body was still intact. He sat up, looking around frantically. The cliffs and the city of Angel Grove were gone; replaced by a smooth, lush landscape in the midst of a brilliant sunset. There was no sign of another living soul. "Where am I?"
_Do not ask such questions, little falcon,_ answered the familiar voice. _These questions have no meaning here._
"But... but where's 'here'? Who are you?" He was answered by a shriek from above. "The falcon...." He stood, staring up at the bird in confusion. "Did... did you...?"
_Speak? Yes._ The majestic bird glided silently to the ground, settling comfortably down at his feet. _You might not have understood me otherwise. Do you speak falcon?_
"N- no, I-"
_Of course you do not. You have lost touch with your inner spirit._
"My inner...?"
_Do you always repeat what is said to you? Your friends must find you rather dull._
"No! I mean... I don't understand!"
_It is quite simple, little falcon. You have lost your knowledge of yourself. It was only a short time ago that you could hear me always within your heart._
"But... but we lost the powers! How are you-"
_Do not be foolish, Tommy. Did I not lead you to your beloved brother, David? Have you forgotten so soon?_
"I- I'm sorry...."
_No, you are not. You do not even understand what you have to be sorry for._
"For... forgetting-?"
The falcon seemed to shake its head. _Your memory has always been your Achilles heel, little falcon. I can see that you have much to learn._ The falcon lifted its wings and took off, disappearing into the sky.
"No- wait! Where are you going? Don't leave me here!"
_Do not fear the inevitable, little falcon,_ the answer floated back though the air, _If you truly wish to learn, you must conquer your fears._
And Tommy was alone.
~*~
"What?" Billy startled and struggled to draw his gaze from something behind her.
Claire narrowed her eyes and gabbed him by the shoulders, giving him a good, hard shake. "Are you feeling all right, Billy? Cause you know you're 'sposed to take it easy for a while. Are you headachey?"
"No, no.... Do you see that?"
He pointed to a spot behind her and she turned, curious. There was nothing there but a small courtyard they passed almost everyday. "What? See what?"
"There's a wolf, or something. Just sitting there." His voice was a mere whisper now, and his face had gone terribly pale.
"Wolf?" She laughed nervously. "What are you taking about? We're in the middle of New York. The only wolves around here are in the zoo."
He shook his head. "But... but look-"
"I am looking, Billy, and I'm telling you, there's no wolf!" He shook his head again, and tried to take a step off the path. "No! Billy, just sit down. You're hallucinating, you need to rest. Stop it!"
Either he didn't hear or he ignored her. He kept staring into nothingness, mumbling to himself. "That's impossible, you can't be.... It was destroyed, all of it. You're not supposed to be here."
"Billy, you're scaring me!" People were gathering around, staring at the spectacle. Claire fought back her tears, tugging at the back of Billy's jacket, but he still didn't turn.
"What...?" He took another step forward and stumbled. "What do you want with me?" He suddenly went limp and fell forward, face down on the ground.
Claire gasped as she was pulled to the ground on top of him, and he lay still. "Help! Somebody get help, hurry!" Remembering her first aid training, she lay Billy on his side to make it easier for him to breathe. He sighed slightly, but didn't awaken. "Billy, can you hear me? Just lay still and relax. You're going to be all right."
"Do you need help?" A girl from her English class had approached and knelt down beside them. "Is he breathing?"
"Yes," Claire answered, fighting to keep calm. "Has anyone called security?"
"Yes, they're on their way. The ambulance should be here soon."
Claire just nodded, too drained to say anything more. "Please, Billy," she whispered. "Please be all right."
~*~
He stood, dusting off his jeans. The campus of NYU had disappeared, and been replaced by a seemingly endless prairie, its sky brilliant with dusky colors. "Hello? Dorothy? Toto?" He laughed nervously, speaking only to break the ominous silence all around him.
_I am not Toto, but I hope I can help, regardless,_ came a low, lilting voice. Billy whirled around to face... the wolf. _Do you not recognize me?_
"You're... you're the wolf. My wolf."
_You seem surprised to see me._
"I thought you were gone! And what are you doing in New York?"
_We are not in New York, my young friend. We are far from New York._
Billy glanced at his surroundings. "Yeah, I figured that. I meant... why did you-"
_Why did I appear to you? The answer is simple. There is someone here who needs your help._
"Someone... here? But where's here?" Billy gestured vaguely into the air. "There's nothing here!"
_You judge too quickly. For here, you will find one of the greatest gifts ever granted to mankind. Come, pup. There is much to do._
~*~
"Wait a minute!" The wolf disappeared behind a cliff wall, and Tommy jumped to his feet and went to follow.
He had no sooner rounded the bend when he slammed into something soft. "Ow!" Yelled the something.
Tommy's mouth fell open. "Billy?!"
"Tommy!" Billy yelped excitedly and grabbed Tommy in a bear hug. "Oh my God, Tommy, we've been worried sick about you!"
"I... Billy? What are you doing here?"
"The wolf brought me! What are you doing here?"
"The falcon," Tommy answered distractedly. "Where'd he go?"
"The falcon? I haven't seen him."
"No, the wolf. He licked me."
"He disappeared. I was trying to catch up with him when I ran into you. God, Tommy, it's been forever!"
Tommy averted his eyes. "I guess."
"Tom?" Billy reached out and placed a hand on Tommy's shoulder. "Are you all right?"
Tommy pulled away and sank into a seated position. "I don't know.... Billy, I'm so sorry...."
"Sorry for what?" Billy took a seat next to Tommy, and after a moment of thought, awkwardly put an arm around his shoulders. "What happened wasn't your fault."
"She's always after me. I'm too dangerous to the team."
"Aww, come on. We're all dangerous to the team if you put it that way. Me, you, Aisha, Zack, Trini... Kim...." Tommy flinched at the mention of her name. "I'm sorry, but it's true. Do you know how worried we've all been?"
"What do you care? I've been terrible to you."
"Correction. Rita has been terrible. You've always been a friend. I should have realized something might be up, but instead, I took off. I'm the one who should be apologizing."
Tommy shook his head. "I know what you're saying, Billy, but... I just feel...."
"What? What do you feel?"
"I feel... I feel like dirt." Tommy hung his head. "No matter how hard I try, everything I do turns into garbage. I ruined the team... don't deny it."
"No, you're right." Billy said suddenly. Somehow, something deep inside told him that what Tommy needed was for someone to acknowledge that he'd messed up. "You hurt me... I don't know if you can ever understand how badly you hurt me...." Billy stopped, suddenly overwhelmed by the memory of the long lonely months he'd spent, totally unable to let anyone get close. He sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry." sobbed Tommy.
"I know.... Tommy, you just don't understand." Billy hesitated. "Rita used us both. She used you from the very beginning... and you can't help that. It doesn't make you evil or a threat to everyone around you. If you hadn't wandered into Her line of sight, it would've been someone else. And She never cared about who She used as long as She could use them. Remember how She had me steal the green dragon dagger? And when it comes right down to it, She used me too." Billy saw that Tommy was listening to him and he pressed on. "I've always had a hard time trusting people... When I was little, everyone made fun of me. I couldn't walk across a room without someone laughing at me. I used to think that I just wasn't good enough to have friends."
"But...." Tommy started to disagree but Billy silenced him with a frown.
"Let me finish." said Billy. "When I became friends with Jason, Trini, Zack and Kimberly... I was so afraid that it was a big joke that they were pulling that it was months before I really felt comfortable. Then we became rangers. Then you came along, and Rocky and Adam and Aisha.... and then Kat and Tanya.... People kept coming and going and it took me so long to let go of my fear. When Rocky got hurt and you started going on about how maybe I was against the team, I just couldn't let go about how awful people were. I didn't want to give anyone a chance...." Billy gave Tommy a reassuring hug. "I was wrong. It took a pretty hard thump on the head to show me that. And you're wrong to think that you were anything more than Rita's pawn."
"But those things I said...." Tears sprung into Tommy's eyes.
"Are they true?" Billy asked softly. "You're not under Rita's spell anymore, so tell me. Do you think I would have hurt Rocky just to get his crystal?"
"No, of course not!" Tommy said loudly. A little too loudly. Billy raised a questioning eyebrow, causing Tommy to flush and turn away. "I.... Look, Billy, you're one of my best friends. I'd put my life, my family's lives, my friends' lives... in your hands. I trust you, you have to believe that."
"I do believe it. Everyone believes it, except you."
"I don't know what to believe anymore."
"What is it going to take to convince you?"
"I don't know, Billy... I've been thinking about this for so long... but I just can't seem to let it go. It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself it's okay... I just can't seem to believe it." Tommy shook his head and stood, trudging a few paces away. "That's why I went to the cliffs. I only wanted-"
"The cliffs?"
"I only wanted things to be okay."
"The cliffs? What cliffs?"
"Near the reservation." Tommy's voice was a mere whisper, and Billy had to strain to hear him. "The cliffs that overlook the city. You can see so many stars from there. It's like the whole universe is right there in front of you. It's so big out there."
"Tom, did you jump? Did you try to jump off the cliff's edge?"
Tommy heard the fear creep into Billy's voice, and he closed his eyes as if to block him out. _We always hurt the ones we love._ It popped into his head unbidden, and from somewhere far away, he heard himself laugh.
"Tom? Tom, what's wrong?"
His vision had gotten blurry, as if there was a sheer veil in front of his eyes. "Oh, nothing's wrong," someone giggled.
_Who said that?_ He looked around and realized he was floating. Beneath him were two boys, both of them very familiar. The sandy-haired youth seemed upset about something, and the other one couldn't seem to stop laughing. The boy in blue took a step toward his long-haired friend, then hesitated. _Billy._ The name popped into his head and he nodded to himself. It sounded right. _The other one must be Tom._
He felt himself laughing, and as he looked down at Tom, he realized something strange. _Tom is me? What?_ He shook his head, and watched his counterpart do the same. _Weird._
"Tom, come on, say something. You're scaring me!" Billy's voice had taken on a ring of panic, though he was obviously trying to hide it. Tommy felt bad for the other boy. He didn't want him to be so upset, but it was obvious that as long as he himself was so... split in two, Billy would be affected. He closed his eyes and began to meditate, willing his consciousness back into the body below. After a few moments, it was done.
Someone was shaking him. And yelling at him. _How long was I out?_ He opened his eyes and took a deep breath. "It's okay, Billy... I'm here."
"Oh, thank God... Tom...." Billy let out a sob of relief and held Tommy close. "What... what happened? Where did you-"
"I'm sorry, Billy." Tommy returned the hug, noticing with some shock that Billy was shaking. "I'm sorry... I just... I'm okay. I'm sorry."
Billy broke the hug, but kept a tight hold on Tommy's shoulders. "Tom...." He sniffled a bit, but smiled despite himself. "Tom, you scared me to death, I'll admit that, but... are you really okay?"
"What do you mean?" A second after he'd asked the question, Tommy knew the answer. "Oh."
"Are you okay," Billy asked again, his eyes still shimmering with tears.
Tommy thought about that for a moment. "I don't know."
"I don't know what to say to you, Tommy. You keep blaming yourself for what happened, but it wasn't your fault. I'm not asking you to return to the team, not if you don't want to... but please, at least come home. You can't stay here forever.... You can't keep running."
Again, Tommy considered. As usual, Billy was making a whole lot of sense. But there was still the concern.... "What if something happens? I can't let Her use me to get to the rest of you. Not again."
"You can't be afraid of Her forever, Tommy. That's no way to live." Billy looked sad now, and the depth of emotion in his eyes almost broke Tommy's heart. He gulped and waited for the other boy to continue. "You can't give up on your life Tommy, not because of Her. Don't let Her win. Please."
Tommy opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out of it. Instead, he threw himself into Billy's arms as though he were a child.
And though there was a small part of him that cringed, disgusted by his behavior, the rest of him immediately awoke to the sudden warmth. And for the first time in a long time, Thomas Oliver felt a smile cross his face.
~*~
Billy heard the words, but he didn't quite understand them. Where had Tommy gone? This wasn't right....
"...from the head injury, but the CAT scan showed nothing wrong...."
_CAT scan? I must be back in the hospital. Where's Tom?_ "Tommy?" He spoke, a little shocked by how weak his voice was.
"Billy!" That was his father. Someone grabbed his hand. "Billy, can you hear me?"
"Hmmm? Dad? Where's Tommy?" He forced his eyes open and looked around, confused. His father was there, as was a vaguely familiar man in hospital scrubs. He couldn't place the name.
"Just relax, Billy, you're in the hospital," said Hank soothingly. "Do you remember what happened?"
Billy thought about that. What exactly was his father asking about? Did he know about Tommy? "I... where's Tommy?"
Hank looked worriedly over at the doctor, who stepped forward and smiled. "Billy, I'm Doctor Rhodes. I treated you after your injuries a few months ago. Do you remember me?"
"Yes," he nodded. "Dr. Rhodes."
"We were surprised to see you here again," Rhodes told him. "You had made almost a complete recovery."
"You said... something about CAT scans?"
"Oh, you heard that. Well, yes, you were brought in unconscious and unresponsive. Comatose. But we couldn't find anything physically wrong with you."
"Brought in.... Was... Claire...?"
"Yes, you were with Claire when you collapsed."
"I need to see her."
Dr. Rhodes shook his head. "Not right now, Billy, you need to rest. Claire will be in later."
Billy nodded, lost in thought. Was it possible that he'd never been with Tommy at all? It had seemed so real. He remembered walking to class with Claire... then the wolf had shown up... and he'd found himself on the plain. _Spiritual plain?_ That made sense. Sort of. _But what was Tommy doing there?_ Tommy had mentioned the falcon.... _Okay... but then where were the other animals? Why only ours?_
"Billy?" Hank was talking to him. "Did you hear anything I just said?"
"What?... Oh... sorry." Hank looked slightly worried, and Billy rushed to reassure him. "I was just thinking. Sorry."
Hank nodded and took Billy's hand, squeezing it gently. "I'm really glad you're all right, son."
Billy smiled. "Me too."
~*~
"It's really great having you back safe," Claire told him, kissing his ear gently. "You really scared me back there."
"I know, I'm sorry."
"What happened?"
"It's a long story. I don't think you'd understand." Claire started to protest, so Billy quickly qualified his statement. "I don't understand it completely myself! I can't explain it."
She calmed down a little, but sounded disappointed. "Do you remember... what happened? Right before you collapsed?"
"Yes. I saw a wolf. A blue wolf."
"A blue one? There's no such thing as a blue wolf!"
"Not... not really, no. But it was there. I went somewhere, Claire. I don't know where... or if it was even real... but the wolf was the one who led me there."
"So the whole time you were in that coma... you were off somewhere?"
"Yes."
"They told me to talk to you; that it might help. Did you hear me?"
He shook his head. "No. I'm sorry. But I thought of you... I wanted to come back to you."
"I was so scared, Billy. I thought... after all we'd gone through... that I was going to lose you after all."
He turned and gathered her into his arms. "I'm still here, Claire. It's all right."
"I know." She buried her face in his chest and held him tightly, savoring his warmth. "I love you, Billy."
"I love you too."
~*~
He shook his head, trying to get his bearings. _Tired.... Why am I so tired?_ His whole body was sluggish; he could barely move. And his thoughts were muddled. Something weird had just happened, but what? Had it been real? The cliffs... that weird, empty plain... Billy.
Billy had seemed so real, and yet so different from when Tommy had last seen him. There was something in his eyes... a new meaning in his smile. It was a happiness Tommy hadn't seen in ages; not since shortly after Jason and the others had left for the Peace Conference.
Could it have all been a dream? A product of a confused and guilty mind? He wanted so badly for Billy to be all right... could he have fabricated the whole thing, just to make himself feel better?
He shook his head and stumbled again, dangerously close to falling onto the highway. This time, he was lucky. There was no car horn to warn him away. If there had been a car... he would have been dead.
He stopped moving and sank to his knees, placing his head in his hands. _I want to go home._ Oh, he wanted nothing more than to go home; to bury himself in his mother's arms, where everything would finally be all right.
_I'm scared._ That was what it all came down to. The fear was... overwhelming.
He looked up, and though blurred eyesight, he saw what looked to be a payphone... only a few feet away. He stood shakily and lurched toward it, grabbing its sides for support as he finally reached it. He waited there, trying to catch his breath. Almost without thinking, he picked up the receiver and began to dial.
"Press one for a collect call...."
He pressed one.
"Please dial the number you wish to call, area code first."
His fingers moved toward the number pad of their own volition, punching out a number he didn't recognize. The area code was weird.... _New York? Who do I know in New York?_ After the number was finished, his hand fell back down to his side. He let it rest there, too tired to argue with it. If his hand knew what it was doing, who was he to stop it?
"At the tone, please say your name." beeep!
"To... Tommy?"
"I'm sorry, we did not record your name. At the tone, please say your name." beeep!
He almost lost his nerve. But he said it again, more firmly this time. "Tommy."
"Thank you. Please hold while we verify your call."
Tommy waited nervously, not sure of what he would hear when the call went through.
"Hello? Hello?"
Tommy jumped slightly. Could it be...? "Billy?"
"Tommy?" Billy sounded startled, confused.
"Billy, I... Did I wake you?" He had no idea what he was saying. Where in the world had he gotten this number? And what was Billy doing in New York?
"Tommy where are you? Are you all right?" There was a pause, and Tommy could hear Billy briefly talking to someone in the background. When he didn't answer, Billy spoke again. "Tom? Where are you?"
"I'm not sure.... Pay phone," he said vaguely. "Listen, Billy.... I don't really know what... I mean... I had this dream.... At least I think it was a dream.... I don't know...."
"You mean the... the plains?"
Tommy gasped, feeling his knees go weak. "It was real? You... you remember it too?" _I'm not crazy?_
"I remember.... Tom, when are you coming home?"
He was silent for a moment, speechless. "I don't know, Billy. I know I have to go back, but I'm... I'm scared."
"Of what? Tom, we only want to see you safe!"
"I know."
Billy was talking to someone else again. Their voices were muffled, as if Billy was holding something over the receiver. Tommy felt his unexplainable calm beginning to evaporate. _Whoever it is, tell them to go away! I need you now!_
"Tom? You still there?"
"I'm here." Tommy closed his eyes, trying to picture Billy as he had been in the not-dream, but the image kept floating away from him.
"What happened to you," Billy asked, "After I... left?"
Tommy thought hard, trying to remember. It was all so fuzzy.... "It was so weird. One minute you were there... and then you weren't. I almost fell over, you disappeared so fast. I looked down and... I was on the cliffs again. I was standing there... right at the edge... and I was about to fall. Billy, I... I was so scared. I thought... after all we... we talked about... that I was gonna die. I... I don't want to die, Billy. I thought I did... before. I didn't care. I just wanted it to be over. But something changed while we were... wherever we were. I changed."
"You didn't change, Tommy," corrected Billy, his voice soft. "You... you came back."
"I guess."
There was a pause, and Billy cleared his throat uncomfortably. "So how'd you get off the cliffs? You didn't fall."
Tommy didn't answer. What could he say?
"Tom?"
"I'm here. I... I don't know, really. I was leaning, you know... cause I'd been... leaning on you. And I realized I was on the cliff and I kinda... threw myself backward. I don't know, really, what I did. But I... I fell in the wrong direction."
"The wrong...?"
"I fell, but I landed further back, on land. I must have twisted around, or flipped, or something.... I don't remember."
"Someone must have been watching over you."
"Actually, I... I could have sworn I heard you laughing at me." The memory popped into his head. He remembered it so clearly all of a sudden. The laughter....
"Me? Laughing at you?"
"I heard it," he repeated, suddenly defensive.
"I believe you, Tom. This whole thing is just weird enough that it makes sense."
Tommy gave a short, humorless laugh.
Billy paused for a moment, then spoke again. "I woke up in the hospital. Turns out I was in a coma for over a week. They chalked it up to my injuries from before, which is lucky. It would have been Hell explaining it if I'd been perfectly healthy."
Now, Tommy felt a distinct chill. "Injuries? From before?"
"That's right, you don't know about all that. Well, I'll tell you when you're safely back home."
_What happened? Did I... did I hurt him somehow?_ "Billy, I just don't know... if I can do it."
"You can do it, Tommy. We'll all be there for you. I'll... email you every day if you want me to. Or call, if you don't have email, or write if the calls get too expensive."
His throat closed up, and he felt dangerously close to tears. "Promise?"
"I promise, Tom. We just want you back safe."
"I know, Billy. I-"
"Tommy!" Someone was yelling his name.
He looked around.... "Oh my God!"
"What?" Billy sounded scared.
"Jason!" Tommy stared, open-mouthed, as Jason jumped out of his car and ran toward him.
"Jason? Our Jason?"
There was something in Billy's voice. Had Billy somehow.... "Did you call him...? How...?"
"Tommy! Oh my God, where have you been?!" Jason grabbed the phone away from him and spoke into the reciever brusquely. "He'll call you back." He hung up and grabbed Tommy in a hug. "Jesus, Tom...."
"What... how...?" He couldn't think straight. How had Jason known? Billy must have contacted him somehow... _But how did he know where I was? I don't know where I am...._
Jason's whole body was vibrating.
_Is he... crying?_ Tommy wrapped his arms around Jason, and finally, the tears came. "I'm... Jason, I'm sorry...."
"It's okay, bro...." Jason's voice was thick with emotion, and filled with relief. "Everything's gonna be okay."
Tommy smiled. "I know," he said, and he meant it.
