Moon Over Angel Grove
A Drew Carey/MMPR Crossover
by Jeremy Ray Logsdon

"Stop complaining, pig!" she snapped. "This is better than your rat trap piece of crap!"

"Would you two stop fighting?" Kate asked, starting to get more than a little irritated. The two mortal enemies had been fighting ever since they left Cleveland, not that it really surprised her. It was what their relationship thrived on. "Mimi, when is it going to be your turn to drive again?"

"I'll be glad to take over," she complained. "Drew's got his knees crammed into the back of my seat!"

"There's no where else to put them!" Drew snapped, trying to shift his position in her backseat.

"Stop squirming! You're shaking the whole car!" Mimi bellowed. "Don't make me put my seat all the way back."

"It is all the way back," Drew retorted angrily.

"Why does Mr. Wick want to open a Winford/Louder store in Angel Grove for anyhow?" Mimi asked.

"Angel Grove," Drew said. "Why does that name seem so familiar?"

"That's where the head Dorito plant is at," Mimi cracked. "Pig."

Drew proceeded to ram his knees farther into her seat. In reply, she pushed her seat all the way back, prompting a cry of pain from her portly co-worker. "Stop it!" Kate shouted. "Don't make me turn this car around! Besides, Angel Grove is where the Power Rangers are from. That's why Mr. Wick wants to open a store there. Buildings are destroyed all the time; he's hoping to cash in on insurance."

"Power Rangers," Drew said thoughtfully. "Oh yeah, those teenagers in spandex."

"Armor," Mimi snapped. "They wear armor."

"Looks like spandex to me," Drew groaned.

"They wear armor!"

"Oh what different does it make!" Kate cried. She turned the car off of the interstate into a rest station. "It's time to switch drivers. Can I trust you two not to kill each other while I go to the bathroom?"

"I need to freshen up my makeup, anyhow," Mimi said, catching a glimpse of her elaborately painted face in the rear-view mirror.

"Need to apply a third coat?" Drew asked.

Angel Grove, California
Ernie's Juice Bar and Gym
"Face it, Drew," Kate said as Mimi pulled into the parking lot of Angel Grove's most popular Youth Center. "We're lost."

"Look. We haven't had lunch yet," Drew said. "Let's go in, eat a nice meal, ask for directions, and go looking again."

"As much as I hate it, the pig's right," Mimi sighed. "And I really hate to admit it. I just can't believe a man suggested asking for directions. Oh never mind, I'm talking about Drew!" She laughed hysterically at her own joke as they all crawled out of her outrageous hot pink Mercedes.

Sighing, Drew followed his colorful co-worker into the building.

~*~

Adam turned to see a bizarre trio entering the Youth Center: a portly blonde man with Chuck Berry glasses and a crewcut, a portly woman with curly blonde hair and clownish make-up, dressed in the most extravagant orange and neon electric blue dress either teen had seen, and a pretty normal woman with medium length brown hair. "Is she a clown?" Adam asked in disbelief.

"Not her," Rocky said, "her. The other one."

"She's cute," Adam agreed.

"Cute?" Rocky asked in disbelief. "She's gorgeous! I'm gonna go talk to her."

"Rocky, you stink," Adam said. "Take a shower first."

~*~

"We apologize profusely, ma'am," Billy said. "Uhm, I'm not wearing my glasses."

"Me neither," Tommy stammered hurriedly as the two ran off.

"California punks," Mimi muttered under her breath. Another teen in red nearly knocked her over as he darted into the locker room. "Watch it! Ugh, I hate California."

~*~

"Take your time, bartender," Drew told him. "I'm in no rush. By the way, you got Buzz Beer?"

"Buzz Beer?" the portly man behind the counter asked. "This is Ernie's Youth Center. We don't serve beer." He watched intently as Lieutenant Stone slowly walked away from the bar. "Besides, this is Stone County.... This... is... a... dryyyyy... Okay, he's gone. Nah, we don't have Buzz Beer. We got Cap-Beer-cino, though."

"Lousy bastards ripped us off," Kate muttered through clenched teeth. "Just give us a round of Budweisers."

"You got it," Ernie said.

~*~

"Girl, that's the way I do it," Aisha said, rolling her eyes. "You got a better idea?"

"Yeah, curl then gel," Kimberly said. "I mean, come on. If you curl after you gel you get that nasty stank thang goin' on. I mean, come on, a hot curling iron after you put that nasty pink crap in your hair?"

"If you do it right it won't burn up," Aisha said.

"Girls, girls, girls," a woman with elaborate make-up said. She turned around on her stool and looked at them. "You're both half right. Gel, curl, then gel again."

"That makes good sense," Aisha said. "Name's Aisha. This is Kimberly."

"I don't get it," Kimberly said, twirling her hair around her little finger.

"Mimi."

"I love that shade of color on your eyes," Kimberly said in a vacuous voice.

"Which one? This one?" Mimi asked, shutting one eye-lid and pointing to a spot.

"No," Kimberly said, "more to the left."

"This one?"

"No, that's too far left."

"Ah, you mean this one?"

"Now up a little."

"So this one here?"

"That's the one!" Kimberly cried happily. "What do you call that color? Blue?"

"It doesn't have a name," Mimi said. "I mix it myself. If you like I can show you how."

"That would be so cool!" Aisha shouted, jumping up.

"Settle down, perky," Mimi said. "I need to finish my beer. But, you can go get my make-up kit." She took her keys from her pocket and tossed it on their table. "There's a pink Mercedes Benz in the parking lot. Make-up kit is in the trunk."

"I'll go get it," Aisha volunteered.

"Nah, it'll take the both of you," Mimi said. "Two trips."

"Let's go," Kimberly said as the two left the Juice Center.

"Drew, I think that kid is staring at me," Kate muttered. She motioned over her shoulder to a teen, apparently fresh from the shower, sitting just a few feet away in a red tank-top.

"Which kid, that Hispanic kid?" Drew asked.

"He's not Hispanic," Kate said.

"No, I think he's Hispanic."

"He's not Hispanic," Kate said.

"He's Hispanic."

"He's not Hispanic."

"Hispanic."

"Is not."

"Dammit Kate, he is too."

"Go ask him," Kate said. "I guarantee he's not."

Mimi sighed and interjected, "It doesn't matter what he is. If it hasn't come up before, he's just white." Kate and Drew looked at each other and then at Mimi. "Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I'm Polish, but it hasn't come up yet, so who gives a rat's ass? See that long-haired freak over there? I bet he's Native American, but until it's mentioned, he's just a white kid. Besides, this is California. They like want to be racially united, so they make a big point of it by having every group of friends have at least one of every race, and whatever's left over is white."

"Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?" Kate asked. Mimi shrugged.

"Yeah, look at Friends," Drew said. "New York City, all white people."

"One Italian," Kate said. "And those other two might be Jewish. Oh, and that blonde chick is into that freaky religion she makes up herself."

"Anyway," Drew snapped, "look at Beverly Hills 90210. Oh wait a minute, they're all white kids, too. Hmm... dammit, I can't think of a single show that actually has a racially mixed cast that doesn't make that the whole point of the show."

"Saved by the Bell," Mimi said, taking a chug of her beer.

"Kid's show," Kate said. "Doesn't count. And I still say he isn't Hispanic."

"Actually, I am Hispanic, but don't tell anybody," the red-clad teen said, sitting beside her at the bar. "Name's Rocky."

"Hi," Kate said. "My name is Kate. Why are you staring at me?"

"Real smooth, Kate," Drew muttered.

Rocky was suddenly at a loss for words. "Uhmmm...."

"Do you like want me or something?" Kate asked bluntly, cocking her head to the side and smiling sweetly.

Rocky's eyebrows shot up, but rather than stammer, he said, "Well..., yeah, kinda sorta, I guess."

"How old are you?" Kate asked.

"Sixteen."

"Let me ask again," Kate said, nodding firmly. "How old are you?"

"Oh, I'm eighteen."

"Let's go then," Kate said, hooking her arm into his and leading him away from the bar.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me," Drew sighed.

"Chicks with the make-up kit have the keys," Mimi told Kate as she and Rocky walked past them.

"So, it's just you and me I guess, huh?" Drew asked.

"Yeah," Mimi said, "so?"

"So," Drew said, "meet me here in an hour?"

"Deal," Mimi agreed, hopping off of the bar stool.

~*~

"Exactly," Rita sighed. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking."

"Yes, Rita, but where are we going to get women's underwear in my size?"

Rita shivered violently and snapped, "Not that! I say we make that woman our newest monster!"

"Yeah, that's what I meant too."

"Sure it was...."

~*~

In a flash of golden light, Goldar appeared before her. "Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa request your service," he growled.

"For what, monkey boy?"

"To destroy the Power Rangers..."

"Wha' would I wanna do that for?"

Rita Repulsa appeared beside her in a flash of maroon. "We'll give you a year's supply of make-up," Rita offered.

"You got that kind of cash on ya?" ClownFace asked skeptically.

"Well, what do you want?" Rita asked. "Got somebody you want taken care of?"

"Drew Carey!" ClownFace cried. "Get rid of Drew Carey and I'll do anything you want!"

Rita looked at her for a moment, and said, "Deal. But first, you destroy the Power Rangers."

"Any men?"

"Four of 'em."

"Not a problem," ClownFace smiled wickedly.

~*~

Beep beep beepbeep beep beep.

"We read you, Zordon," Aisha said.

"It's Alpha."

"Fine, we read you, Alpha."

"Please report to the Command Center immediately."

~*~

"He refuses to answer our page!" Alpha cried. "I can't get him to answer!"

"Maybe he's doing something important," Tommy said thoughtfully.

"Rocky, are you there?" Billy asked.

"What the hell do you want?" Rocky asked over the open line.

"We kind of have an emergency here," Billy said.

"Can you handle it without me?"

"We could use ya' here," Alpha said.

"All right, give me a few more minutes."

"Rocky, what are you doing?"

"Nothing, just give me a few more minutes."

"Rocky, where are you?" a voice called from somewhere in the distance. "What's taking you so long in there?"

"Uh, nothing," Rocky said. "Just-, dammit. Can we do this later this afternoon?"

"Us, or are you talking to somebody else?" Billy asked.

"I'm talking to somebody else," Rocky snapped. The communications line abruptly closed. A few awkward, silent minutes later, Rocky teleported into the Power Chamber, minus his shirt and wearing only one shoe. "Let's go. What are we up against? Putties? Goldar? Random monster of the week?"

"Uhm," Alpha stammered, "monster. Called ClownFace. She's hideously colored on the face and attacks by throwing make-up grenades."

"Let's go," Rocky said. "It's Morphin Time!"

"Tyrannosaurus!"

He teleported away in a red flash before anyone else could make a single move or comment. "Uhm, yeah," Tommy said slowly. "Okay. It's morphin time?"

~*~

"It does seem like there are a lot of Asian people every time a monster attacks," Billy said.

"Hey Rangers!" ClownFace shouted, running toward the Rangers. ClownFace wore a bright jumpsuit, and all exposed skin was covered with a thick coat of make-up. "Need a touch-up?" She suddenly threw a make-up grenade at them, which struck Kimberly directly in the chest. When the smoke cleared, Kimberly was coated from head to toe in make-up.

"Eew, this make-up is like totally gross," Kimberly said, "even if it is the good stuff."

"What else would ClownFace use but the good make-up?" ClownFace laughed. She suddenly pulled a compact from one of the pockets in her jumpsuit and threw it at the Adam.

"That gives me an idea!" Aisha cried. "We could go to the Galleria and buy some cheap make-up!"

"Aisha, that's brilliant!" Billy shouted.

"That's amazing, Aisha!" Rocky agreed.

"You're so perfect, Aisha!" Adam shouted as well. "Even though you are nothing but a background character who just stands around and looks perfect!"

"I know," Aisha giggled.

"I don't get it," Kimberly said, confused.

"Girl, we'll go buy us some cheap make-up, make our own make-up grenade, and blow this ClownFace back to hell. Er, I mean Rita!" Aisha told her.

"I still don't get it," Kimberly said, scratching her pink helmet.

"Kim, you're going shopping," Tommy told her.

"Well I get that!" Kimberly said. "Let's go!"

"Isn't it just a little bit sexist that the only two females characters on this show's only interest lies in shopping, gymnastics, and make-up?" Adam asked. "I mean, why couldn't Tommy go get the make-up?"

"What do you mean by that?" Tommy asked defensively. "I don't like make-up. I'm, you know, into manly stuff, like Karate, and armpit hair. And maybe even RaceCars, and blonde supermodel kick boxers from Australia."

"Yeah, just because everytime we see Tommy he's coming out of the locker room with Billy doesn't mean anything at all," Rocky said, getting slower on each word and turning to look at the White and Blue Rangers.

"Have I been spending that much time in the locker room?" Tommy asked concerned.

"Shut up," Billy snapped, hitting Tommy in the ribs. "You almost gave us out during that whole Ninja Encounter crap fest that got rid of the only three good Rangers this town has ever seen."

"Yeah, I sure do miss Jason," Tommy said thoughtfully. "I mean, Trini! I sure do miss, Trini! She sure did look hot in those yellow tights, let me tell you what."

"Am I the only one who noticed that Trini had gonads?" Rocky asked thoughtfully.

"I don't get it," Kimberly said again.

"Let's go shopping, Kimberly," Aisha told her as the two teleported away.

"Uhm, excuse me boys?" ClownFace said, pointing at herself. "Don't forget about me!"

~*~

"Excuse me, sir," a female voice said from behind him. He turned to see two women, dressed in yellow and pink spandex, run up to him.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"Do you work here?" Yellow Ranger asked.

"Well as a matter of fact I do," he lied. "Name's Drew Carey."

"Hi," Pink Ranger said, stepping forward to shake his hand. "I'm Kimberly Hart."

"Pink Ranger, we aren't supposed to give our real names," Yellow Ranger snapped under her breath.

Kimberly nodded slowly and said, "I mean, my name is Aisha Campbell."

Aisha shook her head and sighed. "We need to buy some really cheap make-up," Aisha said. "The cheapest you got."

"Like the kind, sluts 'n stuff would wear?" Drew asked cautiously.

"Exactly," Aisha and Kimberly said in unison.

"Well," Drew said slowly, looking up and all around for a security camera, "let's just go over here to the make-up counter and get you two pretty ladies hooked up."

"Huh huh," Kimberly said. "He said hooked up."

~*~

"We got all of the cheap slutty make-up in Angel Grove!" Aisha cried.

Suddenly, Kimberly tripped. The grenade exploded against her chest, coating her with the cheap make-up. "Aw, dammit," Kimberly sighed.

"Well what do we do now?" Adam asked.

"Kate is still waiting!" Rocky shouted. "I've got an idea." He suddenly disappeared in a red streak of light. A few moments later and Red DragonZord in Warrior Mode came stomping down the streets. ClownFace looked up, just as Red DragonZord planted its foot directly on top of her. Make-up squirted everywhere as ClownFace was obliterated.

"Well I'll be damned," Tommy said.

"Damn, why hadn't we thought of that before?" Billy asked.

"I can't believe it," Adam said. "Rocky had a damn good idea."

"Damn, he's smooth," Aisha called.

"I don't get it," Kimberly said. "Damn."

DragonZord teleported away as Rocky landed before the other Rangers. "Was that a damn good idea or what?"

"Why the hell are we all cussing all of a sudden?" Kimberly asked.

"Because this is a spoof, and spoofs don't fit in any type of normal timeline or universe," Billy explained, "so the writer is able to degrade the characters all he or she wants since they'll never be used again."

"That reminds me!" Rocky shouted. "Destiny awaits!" He demorphed and teleported away in a streak of red.

"I don't get it," Kimberly said slowly.

~*~

"Hey girls," Mimi groaned. "Do you feel all dizzy and confused?"

"Sometimes," Kimberly said, "but then somebody reminds me to start breathing again."

"Kimberly, look over there," Aisha told her, pointing to a blank spot on the wall. The easily confused teen turned to look at the wall.

"Something is seriously wrong with that girl," Mimi said thoughtfully. Aisha nodded in agreement.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?" Kimberly asked. "I'm going to stop looking in a minute."

"Bring your brain-deprived friend over here," Mimi said, "and I'll show you how to really put on make-up. And remember, this is the central dogma of wearing make-up. If you're going to wear make-up, you should always use color."

~*~

"Are you going to be staying in town?" Rocky asked.

"No, just for tonight," Kate said. "We're heading back to Cleveland tomorrow morning."

"Can I see you tonight?"

"Can you do that again?"

"Which part?"

"The last part, obviously," Kate said.

"We had better do it again so I don't forget how," Rocky said. "That was kind of a spur of the minute thing."

"Well let's go," Kate told him.

Billy and Tommy walked out of the locker room. They cast nervous glances all about themselves, and then darted to their usual table. "Hey guys," Adam said as he walked up to them. "Up to much?"

"Of course we're not up to much," Tommy snapped. "What do you mean by that, are we up to much? Of course we aren't up to much. We never have been and never will be. I don't know who started these rumors, but they aren't true. No way no how. I like women dammit! I like women!" The room became deadly silent as everyone turned to stare at Tommy. Adam cleared his throat uncomfortably and stared at the table. "You heard me!" Tommy shouted at long last.

A few moments after the room's environment returned to normal, Kimberly and Aisha walked up to the table. Both had outrageously painted cheeks, candy apple red lipstick, outrageously bright blue mascara, and short curly blonde hair. "Hey boys," Kimberly cooed.

"AAAHHH!" Tommy screamed, jumping back from the table.

"Dear God," Billy whispered to himself.

"What do you think?" Aisha asked, patting her short hair.

"Uhm, I have to go change," Tommy said, bolting for the locker room.

"Me too," Billy said, running after him.

Adam looked at Kimberly and Aisha for a moment. His eyes slowly moved from the locker room, and then back to Kimberly and Aisha. "Look over there," he said to Kimberly. She turned around to stare at the wall.

"Aren't you going to the locker room?" Aisha asked skeptically, cocking her head.

Adam looked at Aisha, and then at the locker room. "I don't think so," Adam said thoughtfully, "but I sure enough ain't stayin' here."

As he left the room, he passed by a portly man with a crewcut and thick black glasses. The man sat down at the bar and said, "Hey Mimi."

"Hey pig."

"What do you think of Angel Grove?"

"Pretty boring."

"Yep."

"Where's Kate?"

"Off with some Hispanic kid in a hotel room," Drew said.

"That's the most beautiful story of Statutory Rape I've ever heard," Mimi said sarcastically. "So..."

"So what?"

"So... wanna go on the monster tour?"

"With you?"

"No, any one of the hundreds of men lining up behind you," Drew said sarcastically.

"You paying?"

"Yeah, whatever," Drew said as the two left the Youth Center.

"I hate California. Nothing interesting ever happens here. I was hoping to at least see some of those teens in armor."

"Oh yeah!" Drew cried. "I saw the Yellow and Pink ones at the Galleria! And they were spandex."

"Armor."

"Spandex."

"Armor!"

"Spandex!"

"They wear armor, dammit!"

"Spandex!" Drew shouted. The two continued arguing as they left the Youth Center.

"Can I stop looking at the wall now?" Kimberly asked out loud.

~*~

"I was an only child," Kate said thoughtfully. "I always wished I had a brother or sister or something, but I didn't."

Before Rocky could say anything in response, two teens approached them. Both were male, and one was a blonde while the other was a brunette. They were astonishingly skinny, and had the most disproportionately tall heads Rocky had ever seen. "Uh, hey," the brown haired teen said. He held up a picture of a woman with too much make-up and very curly blonde hair. "Have you seen this chick?"

"I have," Kate said. "That's Mimi Bobeck!"

"Yes!" the blonde cried. "We're finally gonna score!"

"Uh huh huh huh," the brown-haired teen said. "Settle down, Beavis. This guy named Drew Barrymore, or something, hired us to, uhm... take care, huh huh, of this lady. Uh huh huh huh."

"What are your names?" Rocky asked.

"Uh, my name is Beavis."

"Huh huh. My first name is Butt. My last name is Head. Huh huh huh."

"Well, Beavis and Butthead," Kate said, "she is in Angel Grove somewhere. You'll just have to go looking for her, though."

"Yes! We're really gonna score!" Butthead shouted.

"Thank God," Beavis sighed in awe.

"So, uh, you know where she's at?" Butthead asked.

"Boys, if you'll excuse us," Kate said, "Rocky here is going to entertain us." Rocky smiled happily as Kate led him away.

"Uh huh huh huh," Butthead said. "She said anus."

"Anus?" Beavis asked. Slowly, he said, "Entert-ain us. Oh yeah. Heh heh heh."

"Beavis, what do people who aren't as cool as us do?" Butthead asked as the two continued their search for Mimi Bobeck.

"I guess they just sit around all day and watch television. They're losers."

"Yeah, uh huh huh. Or they could like... read or something."

"Hey! They could like ... read about television!"

"Dammit Beavis," Butthead snapped, "you're never going to out-do be... smarter than me, so don't even try." Butthead pulled the picture of Mimi out of his pocket again and stared at it thoughtfully. "Come to Butthead."

Suddenly, maroon light flashed before them, coalescing into the space witch Rita Repulsa. "Hey boys!" Rita called. "If you help me take care of six annoying teenagers, I'll help you score!"

"Butthead! She has cones on her boobs!"

"What kind of a message to children is that?" Butthead said.

"So, uhm, if like we help," Beavis said, "are we going to like, you know, score with you?"

"Uh, I guess," Rita said thoughtfully.

"Yes!" Beavis and Butthead shouted in unison.

"Uh, huh huh. I'm ready for love," Butthead said eagerly.

"Uhm, I just have one question. Can we score with Mimi too?" Beavis asked as the three of them disappeared in a bright flash of maroon light.

The End, or something