Disclaimer: Okay, by some odd coincidence, I do NOT own the Power Rangers (remind me to talk to someone about that), but the Power People are my creations, although my friend Josh Rosenblatt came up with the name. ZyuRanger footage was used to create this episode (please don't look surprised like that). Josh is the Purple Urpel Ranger before Chris, and Josh is in this episode.
Warning: Josh is not the most likeable person on the planet. This is a parody of the first episode of Power Rangers I ever saw, and so I have been writing this in my head for five years. BTW, the Sloppy Joe Pizza thing, I did that to a friend of mine a couple of years ago. That was fun. And if you ever wonder why I don't do first-season parodies, then read this and stop wondering.

Gourmet Night Studios (finally) presents...
POST-PSYCHADELIC POWER PEOPLE: "The ShmuckStar
Parody of "The RockStar"

[In Billy's garage-like area, Zack is polishing the RatHead with Billy.]

Zack: When will I be able to talk you into getting a real car?
Billy: When pigs fly.

[Oinkning sounds. Zack and Billy look up.]

Billy: that is quite unusual.

[Trini comes up to the others with a platter of unusual foods.]

Trini: Can I interest you guys in a tasty crosscultural treat?
Josh: Can I pick you up at eight?
Trini: Very cute. I was referring to these.

[Each of the Power People takes one and places it their mouths.]

Billy: Mmm, this is good.

[Josh turns away and loudly hacks. He returns with no food in his mouth.]

Josh: Yummy.
Trini: And you actually wonder why I won't go out with you?
Jason: This is pretty good except for the crunchy white things.
Billy: What is it?
Trini: Something frogoneous.
Billy: A FROG?

[They all simultaneously vomit.]

Director: That went more smoothly than the rest of our food scenes.
Jason: What kind of insane person eats frog?
Trini: The french.
Josh: The french. Now there's the problem. I always knew it was the french.
Jason: Well, you all enjoy yourselves at the beach. I've got to meet my cousin Jeremy.
Kimberly: See ya.
Josh: So why won't you go out with me, Kimberly?

[Rhetta Fortress...]

Baboon: I think I found something very valueable!
Rhetta: That's new. Usually it's Finkster who finds stuff. Say, where is Finkster anyway?

[In another room, Finkster is singing (loudly and badly) along to Wierd Al Yankovic's "Rye or The Keiser."]

Rhetta: Okay, dumb question. What did you find?
Baboon: It is of the Mirror Of Deconstruction. Anyone who looks into this mirror will turn into a very bad clay replica of themselves and blow up very very loudly.
Rhetta: How loudly?
Baboon: (indicating Finkster) Louder than him singing "MacArthur Park".
Rhetta: That's loud. We have to find this mirror.
Babbon: But the only way to find the mirror is to find the map, which is also hidden.
Rhetta: Well, we got our work cut out for us.
Baboon: How?
Rhetta: Don't question me. Now let's find that map.

[The Beleveled Beach. Hulk and Dull have a pizza and are at a picnic table.]

Hulk&Dull: Dum dum dum dum DUU!
Hulk: Ah, yes, the pizza face trick. Oh so noble, and yet, so fun.

[Hulk and Dull splat their faces into their pizzas as Jason and Jeremy come up.]

Jason: Look Jeremy. The great thinkers of our century.

[Jeremy laughs.]

Jason: That was not really funny.
Dull: (with his face still in his pizza) Go away, hercules-head, we're eating.
Jason: More like wallowing.

[Jeremy laughs.]

Jason: OK, you're going to have to stop that.
Hulk: (taking his face out of his pizza) Okay, you're asking for it.

[Hulk charges Jason, who pulls Hulk's arm behind his back, and then throws him out of the way.]

Dull: That was pretty neat— I mean, nobody messes around with Hulk!

[Dull charges Jason, but stops, wimpers, and runs off.]

Jason: See? If I wasn't a Power Ranger, I couldn't do that.
Director: He's not supposed to know you're a Power Ranger, that's the point of the episode!
Jason: Oh. Forget everything I said about me being a Power Ranger.
Jeremy: Don't worry, I wasn't even listening.
Jason: That's my man.

[Jason and Jeremy head off to fish. While fishing, Jeremy pulls a bottle out of the water.]

Jeremy: Check it out, Jase. Beer and a map.
Jason: Let me see that.

[Jason takes the bottle but tries to disguise the fact he's not really after the map.]

Jeremy: But what about the map?
Jason: It looks like it leads to a very crab-like mirror that just so happens to be buried on this bay.
Jeremy: Let's try to find it.
Jason: Do we have to?
Jeremy: Hey, it's not like you have a fishing liscence, right?

[Rhetta's palace...]

Rhetta: Well, that takes some pressure off of us.
Baboon: But now that they have the map, they'll find the mirror.
Rhetta: I doubt it. those two no-brainers couldn't find their way out of a paper bag with holes in it. But just in case, we had better send down... The ShmuckStar!
Finkster: You gotta be kidding me! Isn't he the monster that annoys the heck out of everybody?
Rhetta: Yes!
Finkster: Why do we have to use him?
Rhetta: Stock Japanese film.
Finkster: Oh.
Rhetta: And I want Goldinski and Scorpiano to go down to earth with him.
Goldinski: Why us?
Rhetta: I just told you.

[Jason and Jeremy are examining the map when a whole squadron of Pooties and the ShmuckStar teleport in.]

Jeremy: Oh, sick! Guys made out of poo!
Jason: At least you don't have to fight them on a regular basis.
Jeremy: Can I fight them now, huh, can I can I?
Jason: Not unless I get in trouble.

[Just then, by some unusual co-inkydink, the Shmuckstar hurls foam boulders with the words "Normal Boulders" on them at Jason, pinning him onto the ground.]

Jeremy: Yeah! Now I can fight the Poop men!
Jason: No you can't! Run away from here! Find the Mirror of deconstruction! it's too late for me! You have to... All: SHUT UP!!!
Jason: Sorry.

[Jeremy rushes off with the map.]

[Billy's garage.]

Kimberly: ...and that is why I won't go out with you.
Josh: Is that it?
Trini: Josh, let me put it this way: No one on earth would dare go out with you.

[The very large wristwatches beep.]

Zack: Yellow? Zorkon: Teleport to the Command Centre immediantly. Jason is being creamed (literally) by pooties.
Kimberly: Oh, gross. Zack: We're on our way.

[Command centre.]

Billy: So what is the anomaly in which causes Jason is unable to attend this meeting today?
Josh: Talk like a human.
Zorkon: Rangers, Rhetta is searching for a very very very powerful mirror that will cause anyone who looks in it to blow up in a very loud manner.
Billy: How loud?
Zorkon: Ever heard "MacArthur Park"?
Beta: Aye yi yi! Not goodness abounding!
Trini: We need to help Jason.
Josh: Good idea.

Jason: Oh, geez, I have actually been CRAPPED on. This is disgusting.

[The others teleport in and "try" to push the "Normal Boulders" off Jason.]

Trini: Let me roll this thing.
Jason: Not down Not Down! Off! Roll them OFF!
Trini: There. Happy?
Jason: No. I may never have children.
Josh: So what else is new?
Jason: Shut up thickman.
Scorpiano: Jason is free!
Goldinski: Well, at least they crushed his {CENSORED}.
Jason: It's Changing Time!
Zack: Mackeral!

[Zack transforms into the Black Hole Ranger]

Kimberly: Ptearitdown!

[Kimberly transforms into the Think Pink Ranger]

Billy: TrirazorTops!

[Billy transforms into the Blue-Faced Ranger]

Josh: Stupid Whop Daygo!

[Josh transforms into the Purple-Urpel Ranger]

Trini: Saber-Sawed Tiger!

[Trini transforms into the Yellow-Bellied Ranger]

Jason: Tyrannicsoarus!

[Jason transforms into the Red-Neck Ranger]

[The rangers go up in battle against Shmuckstar. Billy disappears.]

[The pooties are on the search for Jeremy, who is safely hiding and now looking at the map.]

Jeremy: Well, this is certainly interesting.

[Jeremy follows the map to the Mirror Of Deconsruction.]

Jeremy: Cool. A mirror of death.

[Two pooties find Jeremy.]

Jeremy: Dungmen! Take this!

[Jeremy kicks one, getting the poo on his $200 sneakers.]

Jeremy: Gross!

[Jermey opens up the Mirror Of Deconstruction and blows up the other pootie.]

Jeremy: Cool.

[Suddenly, Kenny comes over the cliff.]

Kenny: I found Jeremy! I'm a hero!

[Jeremy aims the mirror and it blows up Kenny. The Shmuckstar leaps onto the scene.]

ShmuckStar: Oh my God, he killed Kenny! You bastard!

Jeremy: Shove it.

[Jeremy aims the mirror at the ShmuckStar, causing him to explode.]

Jeremy: Though this power is cool, I must get rid of it.

[Jeremy throws the Mirror over the cliff, causing it to splatter some of the Pooties below. Scorpiano grabs the chest.]

Scorpiano: I got the Mirror of death!

[The Power People immediantly start fighting Scorpiano and the Pooties.]

Goldinski: Watch this!

[Goldinski knocks Zack, Trini, and Josh into the pool. There is also a Japanese teenager in there (the unmorphed blue ZyuRanger).]

Josh: Hey! I'm in a pool with Trini!

Trini: Shut it.

[The others help them out of the pool. The teenager disappears to morph.]

Rhetta: Goldinski! Get down there! And screw Queensbury rules!

Goldinski: Got it!

[Goldinski vanishes.]

[Doing that defiant shtick.]

Zack: Okay, guys, we're the Power People and we're somehow dry!
Kimberly: Ready to take down evil!
Billy: No matter what the cost!
Josh: As long as I'm not paying!
Trini: Becuase he's cheap!
Jason: Cheaper than me!
Rhetta: Magic Frond, make the monster GROW!

[Rhetta throws her magic plant at the Earth and causes Goldinski and Scorpiano to grow.]

Jason: We need DinoBore Dinerzord power now!

[The Mackeral leaps out of his river and heads toward the battle while shooting water out of it's cannons. The Ptearitdown drives through several construction sites, waving it's demolition ball. The TrirazorTops crawls through the desert, neatly combing it. The Stupid Whop Daygo goes through the quarry, banging it's head into things. The Saber-Sawed Tiger heads over a rickety old bridghe, cutting it as it goes along. The Tyrannicsoarus walks through it's wilderness, holding a sack of saki and adjusting it's crown.]

Jason: Heeya!
Billy&Zack&Josh: Kweehya!
Trini&Kimberly: Heeya!
Jason: Rangers, lock in!
Zack: Zack here, ready to spit in his face!
Josh: Josh here and crashing into cliffs!
Billy: Billy, all systems lightly shaved!
Trini: Ready to cut!
Kimberly: Kim here, tearing things down!
Jason: Rangers, power up your pens! All: You want a power up!

[The Mackeral and Stupid Whop Daygo form the arms, the TriRazorTops and Saber-Sawed Tiger form the legs, and the Tyrannicsoarus froms the torso. The Ptearitdown forms the chest, thus finally merging the DinoBore MegaZord.]

Jeremy: Where did that ugly thing come from?

[DinoBore megazord starts exchanging fists with Goldinski and Scorpiano.]

Jason: Normally, I wouldn't be beating up a woman, but as an enlarged being, she is ug-lee!
Kimberly: Okay, that is sexist.
Scorpiano: Ugly, huh? Take a look at what you look like.

[Scorpiano takes out the Mirror of Decostruction.]

Zack: What do we do?
Jason: Don't look directly into it. Deny your appearance! It's all mental!
Billy: Why don't we just chop it into little nice pieces with the Cower Sword?
Jason: We need the Cower Sword now!

[The Megazord's sabre falls from the sky and cuts right through the mirror.]

Jason: We didn't even have to do anything that time.
Josh: That's my kind of battle!
Trini: Hush.
Goldinski: They destroyed the Mirror!
Scorpiano: You noticed?
Goldinski: Let's get out of here!

[The villains disappear.]

Jeremy: I think I'll transist to "Saved By The Beel" after this fiasco. They don't get attacked by people made out of poo so often.

[MegaZord poses.]

Jeremy: What do I do now?

[The Power People teleport in.]

Jeremy: Wow. The Power People!
Jason: I hear you're our little hero.
Jeremy: I guess I am.
Kimberly: Too bad there's no reward for saving the Power People except our gratitude.
Josh: Yeah, a lot of good that is.
Jeremy: But where will I find Jason?
Jason: I'm sure he's fine.
Jeremy: But he's brain-damaged! He's the most likely to get lost in a paper bag with holes in it!
Jason: Get out of here, kid.

Rhetta: This is so great! They destroyed the Mirror Of Decostruction!
Baboon: Well, this is a time to think about what we do have.
Rhetta: Shut up.
Baboon: Yes ma'am.

[Youth Hostel]

Jeremy: And then I kicked the pooties and blew up the monster with the Mirror of Deconstruction!
Billy: Sounds like quite an adventure.
Kimberly: So what are you going to do now?
Jeremy: I'm going to jump-ship over to "Saved By The Bell" after this.
Jason: But who's your favourite Power Ranger?
Jeremy: Well, it's not the Purple-Urpel Ranger. He's a jerk.

[Josh sinks.]

Jeremy: Maybe the Think Pink Ranger. She's hot.

[Kimberly beams.]

Jeremy: Possibly the Yellow-Bellied ranger girl. She sounds intelligent (Trini beams) and she's not a smart-ass know-it-all like the Blue-Faced Ranger.
Zack: What did you think of the Black Hole Ranger?
Jeremy: He was a loser who still thought he was cool.
Jason: So the Red-Neck Ranger must be your favourite.
Jeremy: Not really. I think he's... y'know....
Jason: Go home, Jeremy.

[Jeremy leaves.]

Kimberly: I never liked him.
Trini: I'd sooner date HIM than Josh.
Josh: (sulking) Thanks a lot.
Jason: I can't believe this is how the youth of America views the Power People.
Billy: Usually it's worse.
Trini: How worse?
Billy: Ever hear "MacArthur Park"?
Trini: Yeah?
Billy: Worse?

End