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Whoa-whoa-o-oh! False Kids! Whoa-oa-o-whoa! False kids! Hey!
[In some remote, desolate area of space, we have the increadible misfortune to see a couple of Pastafighters flying through space.]
Smelgar: Ha ha! There's the satellite! Sayinarah!
[Smelgar's Pastafighter shoots laser beam at satellite, causing it to crash onto a planet looks a lot like Jupiter.]
Smelgar: Ha ha! Guess what Astronemesis? I think I got it!
[Astronemesis (with bad blond-dyed hair making her look like Dolly Parton in leather) appears on the dashboard, blocking out important things like navigation, speed, and oxygen.]
Astronemesis: What do you mean by "you think"? I'm not paying you to think!
Smelgar: Yeah, I mean I hit it, and then it crashed somewhere down on this planet.
Astronemesis: Make sure. That satellite knows too much.
Smelgar: What exactly does it know? It's just a stupid can that's never getting back to earth.
Astronemesis: Just get it or face three hours in the Beetle Bores cambre.
Smelgar: Affirmatory! Smelgar over and out!
[In the Gastro Bigship...]
DECO: We have an encrypted video transmission.
Ashley: Meaning what?
Chris: Meaning it's encrypted.
Ashley: Duh (whacks Chris upside the head) Andros?
Andros: It means it's top secret.
Chris: I could've told you that.
Andros:
Commander Sunkist: Power People, if you can hear me. BONASADA needs your help. An exploration satellite has been attacked and crashed onto the planet Cauliflower.
Chris: Why is it named "Cauliflour"?
Commander Sunkist: Because it looks like one!! Anyway, these are the last images we recieved. (shows Pastafighters shooting the satellite down.) The information it has gathered is invaluable to the space program. If you get this message, please try to retrieve the data disks. It would mean that eight years of scientific study had not been wasted. We currently have no spacecraft to make this journey. You are our only hope.
Carlos:
Commander Sunkist: Shut up.
[Message fades out.]
Beta: End of message.
Cassie: Why would Astronemesis be after a Satellite?
Chris: Target practice?
Carlos: Maybe it saw something while exploring. Something she doesn't want us to see.
Ashley: Zorkon?
TJ: Her?
Andros: Set a course for Cauliflower.
[Rangers each man a post on the bridge of the Gastro BigShip.]
Cassie: Where can we find Cauliflour?
Andros: It's in the Toilet-Flushed galaxy.
Chris: I could have told you that.
[Cauliflower's surface. Orangish in color, with cauliflour-like trees extruding from the surface in some areas, a volcano erupting, Pompoms walking around, Smelgar sitting in a lounge chair.]
Smelgar: I am working myself to the bone here! Come on you robotic rustbuckets, find that Satellite! Hurry!
[The Pompoms are searching for the Satellite, and are wearing those shawls that are used in "Laurence of Arabia."]
Smelgar: Hey you down there! Be a pal and toss me the sunscreen. I'm starting to turn a little pink here.
Pompom: A little colour would do you some good.
Smelgar: WHAT did you say?
Astronemesis: Smelgar!
[The ground shakes from her yelling.]
Smelgar: Whoah!
[Gets up off the lawn chair.]
Astronemesis: (inside Dorky Fortress) How do you expect to find the satellite... sitting around like that?
Smelgar: Don't worry. We're hot on it's tail, Astronemesis. Hey, I was thinking... Maybe it fell into one of these lava lakes and burned to a crisp.
Astronemesis: Don't think. I'm not paying you to think. I'm paying you to find!
Smelgar: Yeah, yeah! You got it!
[A Pompom gurgels something.]
Smelgar:
[The Pompom drags out a bespectecled young man in blue pants, a red-and-white striped shirt, and a red boggle cap.]
Smelgar: What? NO!!
Astronemesis: Hmm. Hmm. Power People coming this way! Hurry up. Find that satellite before they get here.
Smelgar: Understood. Uh, breaks over guys!
Waldo: Um, you need some help?
Smelgar:
Waldo: No.
Smelgar: Dang.
Astronemesis: Meanwhile, let's send them a welcoming party. Fire up the Pastafighters.
[Gastro BigShip...]
Andros: Ashley, can you get a visual?
Ashley:
Chris: Are we going to have a battle?
Andros: Shields to full. Cassie, arm the BigGuns.
Cassie: BigGuns online.
Andros: Carlos, bring us up to bear on target.
Carlos: Right. (grabs the teddy bear used to target things)
[Pastafighters fire at the BigShip.]
Andros: Bring us around. Fire!
[BigShip fires at one of the Pastafighters, blowing it up.]
Beta: Oh, yes!
[One of the BigGuns turns around.]
Andros: Fire!
Chris: (holding an extuinguisher) Where!?!
Ashley: We've got one left.
Carlos: Scanning. Got it! He's behind us!
Cassie: We can't get a lock. Not at this angle.
TJ:
Andros:
[The Bigship reverses and accidenlty hits the Pastafighter with it's oversized bumper.]
TJ: Nice move!
Beta: Whoa!
[The BigShip flies on towards Cauliflower, which indeed is shaped like a sprout of cauliflour.]
Andros: Let's just hope that we find that satellite before Astronemesis does.
[Rangers jump through their jump tubes, and head down towards Cauliflower.]
[The rangers are de-transformed on Cauliflour. They are all foolishly overdressed on the desert planet and they are trying to search.]
Andros: Nothing's going to work in this heat.
Ashley: Including me.
Chris: You fools. I came suitably dressed in the proper attire.
Ashley: We can see your, um,
[Chris blushes and heads to the back of the group.]
Ashley: Don't get behind me.
Chris: Sorry.
Beta: (on through Gastro Morpher) Richard Simmons ... pancakes ... one active monitor. It could short-circuit at...
Cassie: Communications are going down.
Andros: He wasn't kidding.
Chris: About what?
TJ: We better find what we're looking for and get off this lava lamp and fast.
Andros: I don't know how Zorkon or Dimitria could live in those things.
Smelgar: Whew! It's hot! Whoah!
TJ: Hey guys, company.
Smelgar: Well look who's here. You guys wouldn't happen to have one of those cute little plastic satellite memory disks on ya' would ya'?
Carlos: Your mind must be melting, Smelgar.
Carlos: That is impossible, because he'd need one in order for it to melt.
Smelgar: Hey! Get them!
[Fight scene. The rangers really go violent, and Carlos has apparantly had too much sugar or something. Starngely enough, Chris is absent alomst the entire time.]
Clawflannel: Rroughyhght!
Smelgar: (starting to run away up a hill) Whoah! That thing sounds hungry, and I don't want to be around when he gets here! Bye bye! Where's that trail? Oh, right here!
[More growls can be heard from Clawflannel throught the next few scenes.]
TJ: At least we know that they haven't found the satellite. Yet.
Cassie: That did not sound like a volcano.
Carlos: It sounded... alive.
Andros: Let's not find out.
Chris: Eh, we'll find out eventually.
Smelgar: (in another area, still running but always looking behinds him) Oh man. That Clawflannel's the scariest thing ever. Glad I didn't run into him.
Astronemesis: (wearing extra armour which increases the size of her shoulders, back, and chest (not that that's really possible)) Well? What's taking you so long?
Smelgar: AAH! Oh, you. Well, it's kind of a big planet.
Astronemesis: Find that satellite before the rangers do, or I'll feed you to Clawflannel for breakfast.
Smelgar: Breakfast? It's noon.
Astronemesis: It don't matter. I'd feed you to him for Brunch, but I don't get that.
Andros: (into Gastro Morpher) We're south by two kilometers. Give us a heading.
[Static is heard at the other end.]
Andros: Beta. Come in BigShip.
TJ: This thing's dead.
Andros: Look's like we're on our own.
Chris: And I think we were here an hour ago.
Ashley: (walks over to a pile of bones and slimy corpses on the ground) Ewww. (fishes out change from the creature's pocket) Guys! I found something. I think it's a piece of the satellite.
Chris: That's thirteen cents in change.
Ashley: Well, it could be bolts from the Satellite.
TJ: I doubt it.
Andros: We're close. Come on.
[The rangers wind up searching for about two days.]
Ashley: Hey! Over here!
[The rangers rush towards the remains of a '56 chevy with solar wings on it.]
Carlos: In here.
[Ashley gets the disks out of the panel on the satellite. The disks are rusty CDs and have words like "Microshaft Windblows 98" or "Musk", etc.]
Andros: Come on. Let's get out of here.
Astronemesis: (appearing behind them) What's the hurry? I'll take those memory disks.
Chris: Hell-o! Bad hair day, I see!
Astronemesis: Shut up! Your, um, thing is—
Chris: Yes, I'm well aware of that!!!
Smelgar: Let's get 'em boys.
[The Rangers go into a triangular position.]
Andros: Let's run away!
Gastro Morpher:
[The rangers morph and begin to fight Pompoms. The Pompoms shoot at Andros, and he shoots back at them with the Gastro Plaster. Astronemesis goes against Carlos, but Cassie interferes, breaking off Astronemesis's expensive necklace. Astronemesis growls and kicks Cassie right into a cactus.]
Astronemesis: Nobody touches this.
Cassie: Now I know what Wile E Coyote feels like.
[During the Pompom battle...]
TJ: Are you okay Carlos?
Carlos: Yeah. I think so.
[Astronemesis gets mad and shoots at the rangers (sans Andros) with her staff, knocking them down.]
Chris: That didn't hurt. (passes out)
Andros: Astronemesis!
[She shoots a blast at him, knocking him down and making him drop the memory disks.]
Astronemesis: (grabbing the CDs) I'll take these.
Smelgar: See, I told you we'd get the disks.
Astronemesis: Guard these with your pathetic life.
Smelgar: Hey, they've got "Musk". Of course I'm going to guard these!
Andros: You'll never get away with it.
Astronemesis: Tie them up!
Smelgar: You got it. He he he! Now, this won't hurt a bit. But I'll make it!
Andros: (sarcastically) Great, that's all I ask.
[Rangers are now lying in a circular formation, bound at the hands and feet by chains.]
Smelgar: Sun Roasted Rangers. Yummy.
Andros: What do you plan to do with us Astronemesis?
Astronemesis: I could destroy you now, but I've got something else in mind. I'll leave you here... so Clawflannel can eat you for breakfast!
Smelgar: Or lunch...
Astronemesis: Shutup! Goodbye rangers... Forever!
[Andros forces the disks out of Smelgar's pocket using his telekenisis.]
Smelgar: Alright you rangers, stay cool!
[Bad guys teleport away.]
[Eventually they all wake up.]
TJ: Man, we're about to become human appetizers.
Andros: Whatever it is, here it comes!
[Clawflannel appears. He is a large flannel-coloured cockroach-like being.]
Beta: Rangers, come in. Oh, where are you?
DECO: Communication links are fried because we left them near the microwave for too long.
Beta:Well, you're the space computer. What do you suggest we do, DECO?
DECO: We can do a visual search.
Beta: Or we could watch some movies and make snide comments about them.
DECO: That could work.
Cassie: It's getting closer.
Carlos: There it is!
Ashley: It's big!
Andros: And ugly too.
Chris: This might hurt.
Beta: There they are! Oh no rangers! There's nothing I can do to help from up here.
DECO: You're not even planning to do anything.
Beta: Fine, let's do something. Begin Gastro Megazord transformation.
DECO: BigShip transformation initiating.
[The BigShip transforms into the MegaZord and flies down to Cauliflower's surface.]
Andros: What? This can't be!
[Clawflannel hurls an energy spike at the Megazord.]
Beta: Whoa! I like this!
[The Saber hurls the spike back at Clawflannel.]
DECO: Nice shot, Beta.
Beta: I need to get a drink.
[Beta accidently his the controls while turning around, causing the Megazord to strike Clawflannel with the saber until it's plastic head is bashed in.]
Beta: Ay yi yi!
DECO: You must get the saber loose, Beta.
Beta: I'm tired of this.
[Clawflannel proceeds to inflict damage upon the Gastro Megazord.]
Beta: Whoah! Yi!
Carlos: Who's controlling the zord?
Chris: A drunk from the way it's being handled. I mean, there's only one buttin in the cockpit and it says "fight".
[Clawflannel knocks the Megazord onto the side of a cliff. It is now dangling above a lava pit.]
[Andros notices his Gastro Blaster lying on the ground, and gets it uses TK. He shoots the chains off of him and the other rangers, accidently blasting Chris in the chest.]
Ashley: Yes!
Cassie: Alright!
Ashley: Beta must be inside there.
Chris: Remind me to turn him into scrap when we get back.
Andros: Come on. We've gotta hurry!
[Clawflannel pounds on the Megazord.]
Beta: Whoa! We can't hold on much longer!
[Clawflannel prepares to hit the Megazord with an energy spike. A hand appears at one of the control sticks.]
Andros: Whoah! Let's do it.
Carlos: Ready.
TJ: I'm in.
[The Megazord punches Clawflannel.]
Ashley: Right!
Cassie: Yeah.
Chris: Wedgie!
Andros: Good job Beta. We're back.
Beta: Whoa! Rangers! At this time? I guess I lost the betting pool.
Andros: Let's see how tough this guy really is.
[Andros pushes on one of the levers, and the Megazord climbs out of the volcano pit, and proceeds to beat the crud out of Clawflannel by kicking, punching, and throwing him around by his antennea.]
Andros: Time to cook this Crustacean.
[The Gastro Megazord throws Clawflannel into the volcano, and he explodes in a flash of fire, and the volcano destroys the planet in a really cool shot that we probably will have to edit out later.]
[Dorky Fortress...]
Astronemesis: Okay, give me the disks.
Smelgar: Right. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uhhh are you sure you gave 'em to me? Are you sure it wasn't this guy? (Pulls a random Pompom over to him) Check his pockets!
Astronemesis: You lost them?
Smelgar: I don't know. Maybe they fell into a lava lake or something.
Astronemesis: Shut up, you. Time to play with Grumpy.
Smelgar: No! Not Grumpy! Not Grumpy! Not Grumpy! (Astronemesis shoves Smelgar into a small opening) Ohhhhhh! No! Help! You can't keep me in here.
Astronemesis: Oooh, Grumpy loves to play.
[Grumpy starts eating Smelgar.]
Waldo: Can I go now?
All: No!
[In the BigShip, the morphed rangers are downloading information.]
Ashley: That's the last transmission, Andros.
Andros: Thanks.
Commander Sunkist: Thank you rangers. You save eight years of scientific resarch. I'm sorry our disks were of no help to you.
Andros: Me too commander. But we'll find what we're looking for... someday.
Commander Sunkist: Good luck rangers. Chris: Um, didn't you direct a stunt-show last year?
Commander Sunkist: (sternly) No.
TJ: Hey, if BONASADA was destroyed last week, where are you guys?
Commander Sunkist:We made an emergency chambre in a local bar, but we're still under construction.
[A piece of the cieling falls off and flattens a worker wearing an orange pullover with hood.]
Commander Sunkist: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard.
Chris: (checks his Morpher) That took a while.
[The transmission ends.]
Andros: Power Down!
[The Rangers demorph.]
Ashley: If only we knew what was on this disk.
Andros: Maybe it was nothing.
Cassie: Maybe it was everything.
Chris: Maybe it was cybersmut.
TJ: Anybody up for a quick vacation on the StupiDeck?
Ashley: Yeah.
Carlos: I'm ready.
Ashley: Someplace cold I hope?
Cassie: Mmmm.
TJ: Switzerland... Snowboarding.
Cassie: Mmmmm.
Chris: I don't know how to snowboard.
TJ: Good.
[Rangers leave through one of the bay doors.]
Cassie: I can't wait.
Beta: (holding the last disk) Were we close Zorkon? I wonder, I wonder.
executive producers
CHRIS NEUMANN
JEAN-CHRISTOPHE KARIM
#special thanks to sailor@iamerica.net for transcripting this episode.#