Parental Observations

1. A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
2. A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
3. A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
4. A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
5. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
6. Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.
7. Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing home.
8. Celibacy is not hereditary.
9. Familiarity breeds children.
10. For adult education, nothing beats children.
11. God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once.
12. God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
13. Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
14. Having children will turn you into your parents.
15. If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
16. If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
17. Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
18. Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.
19. It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
20. It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.
21. Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
22. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
23. One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.
24. You can learn many things from children... like how much patience you have.
25. Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
26. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
27. There are three ways to get things done:
         1) do it yourself
         2) hire someone to do it
         3) forbid your kids to do it
28. There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
29. Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.
30. The best thing to spend on your children is time.