The "Reel" Deal
by Lavonne
Davy and Peter were sitting on the sofa playing cards. "Where's
Micky?" asked Peter, then he added, "And go fish."
"Bugger!" said Davy as he picked up a card. "And 'e said
'e 'ad somewhere to go today. Said he was picking up something. ... HA!"
"What! You won again!" Peter then slammed down the cards. Just
then Micky came through the door.
"Say 'cheese' everyone!" Peter and Davy got up from the sofa
eyeing Micky suspiciously. He came in suddenly with a home movie camera."
"Where'd you ge' that!" said Davy, with his jaws hung open.
"It's on loan from a friend. I asked him if we could borrow it for
the demo that the studio asked us to make."
"Couldn't we just make a recording or something?" Peter asked.
"I thought this would be groovier," Micky said, zooming into
Peter's face and closer up his nostrils. "Gees Pete, when's the last
time that you plucked your nose hair?"
"Get that outta my face, man!" Micky then jerked away from
him. Then a strange and frightening noise was heard from another room.
"Wha's tha'?" asked Davy. Peter and Micky looked at each other
and looked around, both with their eyebrows lowered.
"I think it's coming from that bathroom," Peter then answered.
"Oh! That's just Mike takin' a bahth," Davy answered. Micky
smiled.
"You know how he's always singing in the tub? Maybe we should make
that the demo for the record people." Then he snickered as he crept
to the door, and, as easily as he could, opened it. Mike didn't see or
hear them. He had his eyes shut tightly from the shampoo in his hair running
down his face. He was singing in a high-pitched squeaky voice that he
only used inside the tub. His hair was molded into several shampoo-enforced
spikes on his head. He was surrounded by rubber duckies and battleship
toys.
The guys stayed behind Micky as he was filming the entire scene. He had
the door opened just enough to emit the camera lens through, but he was
hardly noticed.
When Mike rinsed his hair he picked up one of the battleships. Then with
his toes he began to speak to the battleship.
"Surrender, or I'll blow the tar outta you!" he said, with
his toes. (He even animated them for the talking!)
"Hey!" he said in argument against the threat. "We don't
take no guff from a sea monster!" Then he made crashing and cannon-firing
noises. Micky and the guys pinched their mouths shut to keep from exploding.
"Oh NO!" he said. "You took out one of my best men! Now
you're gonna pay!" More crashing and cannon-firing noises.
"We'll be back," he said with his feet. "And when we do,
you'll be sorrier than you are now!" Then he moved the ship around
victorious that it had taken out the evil foot sea monster. Then he found
a little mermaid doll he'd been keeping at the side. In a high scratchy
voice he said--as the doll, "Hello there you handsome sailors! I'm
Mar . . .shena of the deep Atlantic. And I want to repay you men for saving
our oceans from that monster," Then he made kissing noises as he
brushed the mermaid doll against one of the action figures who apparently
was running the ship. Peter ran away from the door, unable to contain
his laughter another second.
"Shut up!" Davy whispered through a stifled, broken laugh himself.
"You're gonna ruin it!"
"I ... can't he-help it!" Peter said, and he snickered as quietly
as he could. He had crocodile tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.
Davy began to spit out some laughter himself as he heard more from the
war inside the bathroom.
"I told you I'd be back!" he said, as his toe emerged from
under the water. "This time I got my whole family with me. Prepare
to die!" Then he attacked the ship with his toes, but then slipped
and went under the water.
About that time, Micky lost it. He slammed the door shut and howled.
They all laughed now as if it were fresh and in front of them. After a
moment, and wearing a towel, Mike jerked open the door to the bathroom.
"What's goin' on out here?"
"Mike!" said Peter. But then Micky jumped in
"We--Davy just told the funniest joke!"
"Yeah," Peter and Davy said at once. They started laughing
again. "So what happened was, the guy got the drink after all?"
Davy nodded and they shared another round of ... more fake laughter.
"Hey I wanna hear it," Mike said, smiling.
"Naaah," said Davy. The others bumbled quickly in agreement.
It's probably above your head."
"Yeah above your head," Peter and Micky said at once. Mike
lowered his brows and looked at them, and just before going back into
the bathroom, he looked at them again. Then he shook his head.
"Hey you guys," said Micky.
"Yeah," they said giving him attention.
"Mike's birthday is in another few days. We should show this to
the party. It'll be great for laughs."
"I dunno," Peter interjected. "I mean, Mike hates surprises."
"No, he already knows about the party."
"Oh ... okay!"
"Hey while we're at it, why don't we just go ahead and film the
demo?" asked Davy.
"Sounds great. I just need to get another reel," said Micky.
"Wait, shouldn't we wait on Mike?" asked Peter.
"Oh, yeah, right." Micky then walked to the door. This time
he actually knocked.
"You almost done in there, Mike?"
"Just a second," he answered.
A half hour later:
"Go fish," said Micky. He then looked at his wrist watch. "Did
you fall in, Mike!"
"Just a second!" he answered. The guys groaned, dropping
their heads backwards.
Ten minutes later:
"That's it!" said Peter. "I'm calling an ambulance! What's
the number to 911?" Suddenly Mike came out. "MIKE!" Peter
said, clutching him hysterically. He then began to cry, "We were
so scared!"
"Get off me!" Mike said pushing at him.
"Wha' took you so long?" asked Davy.
"Don't worry about it now," said Micky. "Get your guitar,
Mike." They set up the camera and filmed themselves performing "I'm
Not Your Steppin' Stone."
When they were finished Micky handed both reels to Peter. One was the
footage of Mike in the tub, and the other was the performance.
"Label these, and send the performance to this address," he
said showinghim the address, and handed him a book of stamps. Peter looked
at the very very identical reels with confusion.
"Uh, Micky?" he asked. But Micky had left the room. "Which
is which?" he then asked Davy. He began to answer with his lips opened,
but Mike stepped up.
"What's the other one?" he asked.
"Oh that's your--" Davy slapped his hand suddenly over Peter's
mouth.
"It's your ... uh, birthday present?" He looked at Peter. "we
cahn't let you see what we're giving you. It's a surprise."
"Oh come on, Davy! You know I hate surprises!" Mike said. "So
what is it?"
"No no no!" said Davy grabbing the reels. "Not until your
birthday." Mike rolled his eyes.
"Do what Micky said, then 'ide this," he told Peter, handing
him both reels. Then he pushed Mike toward the kitchen. "How's about
making your famous apple turn-overs?" he asked, trying to distract
Mike.
"What famous apple turn-overs? I don't know how to make <i>any</i>
apple turn-overs!"
Davy looked at him in a show of appall. "Well I think it's time
you learned!" He pushed him into the kitchen and gave a grimace toward
Peter. Peter, left alone with the reels, was still confused over which
was which. He laid them down across a lamp table, squinted his eyes, then,
with an extended finger, began to do a silent "eenie meenie miny
moe" across each one.
December 30, 1966.
Time: 2:04 PM.
Date: Mike's Birthday.
Mike was sitting alone on an easy chair, while all of his friends were
talking and mingling. He was wearing a green wool birthday hat, with a
little poof at the top. He blew, with boredom, through a noisy party favor.
"Wow, Mike doesn't look like he's having too much fun," said
Micky.
"This party needs something," Peter suggested.
"We could perform?" said Davy.
"Hey! I got it . We'll play the film of Mike in the tub!" Micky
said. They guys smiled and looked at Peter.
"What?" he asked.
"Where'd you hide the reel with Mike in the tub?" Micky asked.
"Oh, yeah," he said, and scurried off to get it. Micky then
got everyone's attention.
"All right everyone," he said. They all looked at him, just
as Davy was setting up the projector screen, and Peter returned with the
reel.
"We have a little film to show you--" The crowd cut him off
with a boo. Some threw food at him.
"Let me finish," he said. "Lights!" Everyone took
a seat on the sofa, as it became dark.
"What's goin' on?" Mike asked. Peter, unable to contain the
secret, whispered it to him. Mike's eyes flew open as the short began.
However it was the performance. His eyes went from utter horror, to confusion.
"Wait," said Micky to himself, just as Davy stepped up to him.
"If we're watching this than that means ..." Peter, followed
by Mike, then came up. He clutched Peter hysterically.
"What did you ... DO!"
"Just what you told me!" Peter answered in a half-sob.
"What the heck do you mean filming me in the tub!" said Mike.
"Can we concern ourselves with more important things!"
Micky shouted. "All right, stop panicking! DAVY, STOP PANICKING!"
he said shaking Davy, who was the only calm one.
"We sent off that tape a few days ago. Chahnces are it hasn't made
it yet," Davy said.
"What hasn't made it, yet!?" said Mike, who was becoming a
little unnerved himself. They looked at him. After a few moments ...
"AAAAAAGGGGHE!"
The echo was heard through the beach; some of the cabins; and even in
the catwalk.
"Oh my God, we killed him!" Peter screamed. As Mike lay there
on the floor passed out.
"He's not dead!" said Micky. "Where's our smelling salts?"
"I used them last week in the chicken pot pie!" Peter answered.
Micky looked at him, then pulled his party hat off and whacked him with
it.
"We'll ge' something else," said Davy. Then he went into Peter's
room, and came out with one of his socks.
"No! Then we'll really kill him!" Peter cried. Davy
waved the sock across Mike's face. He was jarred instantly awake.
"I had the most interestin' dream, Aunti Elm. You were there, and
you--"
"Snap out of it, Man," said Micky. "We have to go and
get that reel back!"
The music of Last Train To Clarksville opens up the next scenes. The
guys are frantically searching every mail man, and mail box to find the
tape. All of it is going in fast motion. Peter tries to get close to a
particular mail man. He steps up, but then the mail man turns around.
Peter smiles and waves. The mail man then double takes Peter as he's walking
to the next mail box. Peter is subtly following him. Then last second,
tries to peak inside of his bag. The mail man catches him, and smacks
at him. After a moment, Peter follows him again. When he looks again,
the mail man steps on his foot and runs down the road. Peter-somehow in
front of the mail man-puts his foot out and trips the mail man. He grabs
the mail bag, and runs off with it. The mail man gets up shaking his fist.
Peter then throws the mail bag down when he sees it doesn't contain the
reel. He snaps his finger.
~*~
The Record exect entered his office. "Is there any new mail for
me?" he asked his secretary.
"You have a few packages. One is from the Monkees," she answered.
"Those guys huh," he said. "Go ahead and send that one
in now. Get it over with."
"It's a reel sir. Would you prefer if I brought a projector as well?"
"Sure, go ahead," he replied. She set up the projector just
as they made it to the studio. Micky was panting fast, and trying to talk
at the same time.
"I'll ... go this ... way. You guys ... take ... that way."
They then split up. Peter went left, Micky went right, Mike went up, Davy
went down. After a few doors Mike heard a sound that told him he'd found
the right place: "What the heck!"
The door was unlocked. He walked in, and immediately made a whimper.
"What's this right here?" the exect shouted. "I asked
for a music demo!"
"Th-That's not the music demo, Mr. Exect, Sir," said Mike.
"That's ..." he paused seeing what he was doing on the film,
"Oh God!" he said, curling up.
"Son, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen," he said.
He then got up from the chair from where he was sitting. He came up to
Mike, who was so caught up in the footage of the film that he didn't look
the man in the eyes.
"I'm going to be hosting a music award ceremony and I'm going to
show this at the party!" he exclaimed.
Davy then ran into Peter. After a second, Micky found them. "Where's
Mike at?" he asked. But just as he said it, a scream flooded the
building.
"I got my socks with me," said Peter happily. When they managed
to find him, he was sprawled across the floor again. They could faintly
hear the sounds of tweets. They waved the sock in front of his face. He
jerked awake.
"What 'appened?" asked Davy.
"All I said was I was going to show your demo music at my awards
party, and he just fell dead in a faint!"
"That's not our music reel," Micky said, getting up and handing
it to him. "This," he continued pointing to the projection,
"is a practical joke." Then he laughed a little trying to convey
the humor in it. The others began laughing along with Micky.
"You're going to let me use that reel at my party or the deal's
off!" he said. Then he threw the film at them and slammed the door.
Mike was the one who picked it up. Micky, not looking right at Mike, said,
"Oh come on, Mike. Can't ya just take one for--" He looked a
past him and saw that Mike had taken off with the film.
Scene goes from normal to high speed , as they try to get the film from
Mike. They're running through doors. Mike runs through one door; they
go after him. Mike walks out of another door, looks around, then sees
the guys through the one in front of him. He jumps and takes off through
another door. Mike opens the door at the end of the hallway; Micky sees
him coming out the next door. Mike grabs his wool hat and takes off down
the hallway through another door, just as Davy and Peter emerge from the
end on both sides. They chase Mike, who comes out of the door in the middle
of the hallway. They go after him in that door. Mike jumps out of the
door at the front of the hallway; Peter and Micky slam into him. Mike
gets to his feet, but drops his hat, which he turns around to get back,
when he sees Peter and Davy, who point at him. He jumps and runs into
another door. He shakes his head as little birdies fly around his noggin,
then he opens the door and goes through it. Finally Peter waits for him
to come out of a door, sticks his foot out and trips him. Music and scenery
ended.
"Wait you guys, don't do this!" Mike begged.
"Oh come on, Mike. This might be our chance to finally make it,"
Peter said. Davy and Micky caught up.
"Yeah, Mike. This might be the break we've been looking for!"
"Oh ... all right," he said. Then was helped up. They walked
back to the Record Exect's room and just before they knocked on the door
they heard him talking on the phone.
"It's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. These kids are
trying to pitch their music to me though," they heard.
"Of course I have no intention signing them!" They looked at
each other. "Have you seen how stupid they are? No one that dumb
can be talented. I figured I'd humor them to let me have that reel. My
friends would love it!"
"Man, let's go," said Micky.
Davy then said, "He wouldn't know good music if it came and pinched
him on the--"
"Ask me how I feel right now?" asked Mike.
"How do you feel right now?" asked everyone.
"Like going to a party!" he said happily.
"Why are you in such a good mood?" Peter said.
"Cus he's already paid me 100 bucks to use that reel!" he said,
then showed them the money. "Here's what I say to that!" he
said, then took the film out and flushed it in a near by bathroom.
"Oh Mike, I was going to use that at the party," Micky said.
End
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