Notes: Hi, everybody. I haven't written anything yet, so I thought I'd take a stab at it. (This is MagBun in case you don't know me.) Please, critique it, praise it, pan it, whatever. It's called:

The chair hadn't seemed that big when Davy first laid eyes on it, but now as he inspected it more closely he could see that the seat back--damp, moss- covered, and reeking of mildew--towered over him at 5'4". The seat and back- rest, if there could be anything restful found about it to anyone but a eukaryote, appeared to be of incredibly sturdy oak and, apart from having all the trappings of the royal throne of Gimboo the Swamp God/Notary Public (namely moss, slime, mold, mildew, and an odd mist rising from it at barely detectible but exact intervals of every 3rd nanosecond), were in impecable condition. The legs were not so lucky. It seemed that while the main body of the chair was entertaining Gimboo's Court, the legs had gotten stranded somewhere in East L.A. They were covered in graffiti and coated in a dingy, distinctly not-appearing-anywhere-in-nature slime that to the hand, eyes, and nose of anyone familiar with park benches would seem most likely to be a delicious mixture of cheap alcohol, cheap cola, and overpriced, overtaxed chewing tobacco. (I say delicious, because anyone this intimately familiar with the exact mixture of the sticky film that seems to congregate immediately prior to the hands of an unsuspecting person touching any object in a city must be either someone with fetishes I'm not even gonna think about or a bacterium.) The preceding were Davy's observations. The following are what he didn't know. The legs were actually a neutron star, so dense that electrons and protons become neutrons and, with nothing but gravity acting upon them become so dense that a mere teaspoon full of them would weigh billions of tons (Breaking the teaspoon and necessitating a trip to the nearest department store, which would be much nearer due to the gravity of the star.) Now you might wonder why Davy and the entire solar system for that matter wasn't immediately sucked in by the gravity of this monster, and what a neutron star was doing in East L.A. Well, you see, this was no ordinary neutron star. This was a neutron star with the power to control the gravity it exerts and a massive crush on Davy Jones. The first place the star landed as it reached Earth was New Orleans, where it met the back of Gimboo the Swamp God/Notary Public's chair, who's legs had been stolen by a street juggler who vowed to never again entertain gang members by juggling knives. After losing a poker game to Gimboo's chair, it agreed to become the chair's legs (did I mention that this was a shape-shifting star?), as long as the chair would take it to meet Davy Jones. The chair (being smarter than the average chair*) was a close business associate in an illegal figurine-trading ring of Mr. Babbit and miraculously knew where to find Davy Jones. The driver they hitched a ride from dropped them off in East L.A. (I have no idea how a chair goes about successfully hitchhiking, so don't ask.) Somehow the chair made its way (again, don't ask) to 1334 Beechwood, which brings us to the present.

"'Ey fellas, do we usually have an old, stinky chair sitting on top of Micky's drum kit?" he asked to no one in particular, hoping anyone was around and would answer.

"Only on special occasions, why?" answered Mike, who had just exited the bathroom, in a nonchalant, who-needs-it kind of way.

Special Interruption
Non-Nezheads may skip if they choose

Mike ran his fingers twice through the wave of hair that nearly came down below his left eyebrow, the hair still damp from the shower he had just taken. His eyes narrowed to those of a cat as he arched his eyebrows quizzically and tilted his head ever-so-slightly back, smiling a sort of half- smile. He had conveniently chosen to wear an enchanted outfit made by a sorceress friend of his (who, unbeknownst to him, had a thing for him). The outfit would change about every 30 seconds from a matador's costume to what he wore in "The Prince and the Paupers" to the short-jacketed tuxedo from the "I'll Be Back up on My Feet" to the green I'm-looking-good-today shirt and orange pants to the blue Edwardian suit from the "Love Is Only Sleeping" video to <insert your favourite outfit of his here.> He then flashed a brooding, sullen look at the chair and left.

Back to the story

The chair was so excited it could hardly think. If it were a person it would have fainted. It completely lost control. Unfortunately for all living beings, this meant that it accidentally lost control of its own gravity, sucking the entire solar system (including Davy Jones) into a 3 inch square area. All that remained of the chair and its memory was a constellation that suspiciously resembled a green wool hat.

To all the planets with sight-oriented sentient beings within sight of it, the constellation became a symbol of worship and revernce, but that's another story.