SCENE ONE:
The Monkees Pad, day. MICKY, DAVY, and PETER are seated on the couch, all three look terribly dejected. PETER is crying, while DAVY softly pats him on the back in a comforting manner.

MICKY: (Sighs) I just can't believe it.
DAVY: I know. It seems so unreal!
PETER: (Wails) He can't be dead!

PETER begins to sob loudly.

MICKY: I know, Peter....
DAVY: What are we going to do? We're not the Monkees without him.
PETER: Is that all you can think about? The band? Michael's dead, Davy, he's not coming back!
DAVY: I didn't mean it that way!
MICKY: Come on, Peter, don't take it out on Davy.
PETER: But-
MICKY: We have to stick together, it's just the three of us now.

All three sigh loudly and lean forward. MICKY puts his chin on his hands, his fingers covering his ears. DAVY drops his face into his palms so that his eyes are covered, while PETER rests his elbows on his knees and puts both hands over his mouth.

The front door rattles and MIKE walks in, slightly transparent and glowing.

MIKE: Guys, you would not believe the day I've had!
PD&M: (Gasp) Mike!

MICKY, DAVY, and PETER turn to the camera with identical "Oh horrors" expressions.

BEGINNING THEME
TITLE CARD: A still scene of a ghostly Mike standing over his own grave, looking puzzled.
"THE MOSTLY MONKEE"
Written by Kittie J. Verdena
Directed by Kittie J. Verdena

SCENE TWO
The Monkees Pad. MICKY, DAVY, and PETER are still on the couch, they jump to their feet in one fluid motion and run toward Mike. PETER tries to hug MIKE, but falls through him and hits the door with a thud.

MICKY: Mike! Butbutbutbut....
DAVY: (Finishing Micky's sentence) You're dead!
MIKE: Now wait a minute, that's what that crazy lady kept telling me! Where in the world do you get the idea I'm dead?!
MICKY: The... the car, you-
DAVY: They made us identify your body!
MIKE: Well, you identified it wrong, I'm right here, see?
PETER: You're all glowy.
MIKE: Must be somethin' wrong with your eyes.
DAVY: You're see-through!
MIKE: Don't be ridiculous, Davy.
MICKY: Didn't you see Peter fall through you?!
MIKE: He just has bad aim.

MICKY, DAVY, and PETER are speechless. MIKE shrugs and walks to the couch, where he sits down and leans his head back, closing his eyes.

MIKE: Anyway, the car's totaled, so we haveta get a gig to pay for repairs. We can't wait for the idiot that hit me to get his insurance in order.
MICKY: But...! Butbutbutbut....

DAVY slaps MICKY on the back to "unstick" him.

MICKY: Thanks.
DAVY: No problem.

There is a knock on the door. PETER opens the door, still looking shell-shocked. A woman in a white gown (DOLORES) is standing there. She has an even brighter glow than MIKE and is also transparent.

DOLORES: (To Mike) There you are!
MIKE: (Bolts upright and glares at her) You again! Did you follow me home?
PETER: Is something wrong?

DOLORES glides inside, leaving a sparkling trail behind her. DAVY gapes at her with stars in his eyes.

DOLORES: (Gently, with some exasperation) Robert, you must come with me! You do not belong here!
MIKE: Whaddaya mean I don't belong here, it's my house! And quit callin' me Robert.
DOLORES: You are no longer of this world. It is not fair of you to tease your friends this way.
MIKE: I ain't teasin' nobody. You can't make me go anywhere with you. I don't even know you!
MICKY: (Wonderingly, to DOLORES) Are you an angel?
DOLORES: Yes, George-
MICKY: Call me Micky, please call me Micky.
DOLORES: Why? That is not your name.
MICKY: Sure it is, man, it's a nickname. Don't you have nicknames in heaven?
DOLORES: One should never deny one's true name.
PETER: What if your name's Humperdinck?
MICKY: (Silently, with a "huh"? look on his face) Humperdinck...?
DOLORES: Then, one might make an exception.
MIKE: Look, lady-
DOLORES: My name is Dolores.
MIKE: Whatever. Look, I am not goin' anywhere with you, so you might as well leave. You made a mistake, alright? I ain't dead. No way.
DOLORES: (Sighs and shakes her head, gliding back toward the door) I will leave you for now, Robert-
MIKE: (Correcting her, annoyed) Mike!
DOLORES: -but you will have to accept your fate soon. Say your goodbyes quickly. Your time here is short.

DOLORES disappears in the doorway with a burst of golden sparkles. PETER gapes at where she was and sticks his hand out, some of the sparkles land in his palm.

DAVY: (Coming out of his stupor) Wow, she was groovy.
MICKY: Davy, she's trying to take Mike away! We can't let her do that.
PETER: How can we stop her?
MIKE: I ain't goin' nowhere, you don't haveta worry about that. I dunno where she gets the idea I'm dead.

MIKE takes off his hat and smoothes his hair, then glances at his watch and stands.

MIKE: Okay, well, we gotta practice, you guys.
DAVY: Sure, Robert.
MIKE: You keep that up and you'll haveta turn around to see your toes.
DAVY: Oo!
MICKY: So that was an angel.
PETER: Wow.
MICKY: No nicknames in heaven....
PETER: Imagine that.
MICKY: Well, if I'm gonna be called George in heaven, I'd rather go to H-

Alarmed, PETER slaps a hand over MICKY's mouth, just as MR. ZERO appears in a puff of smoke.

PETER: (In a panic) He didn't mean it, he didn't mean it!
MR. ZERO: (Pouts) Oh, darn.

MR. ZERO vanishes and PETER lets go of MICKY, breathing a sigh of relief.

MIKE: You gotta quit sayin' stuff like that, Micky. Besides, she's not really from heaven, she's just a nut.
PETER: (Hesitantly, somewhat nervously) But Mike.... Um... If you're not dead, then why are you glowing and see-through?
MIKE: I'm not glowing and I'm not see-through.
MICKY: What are you then?
MIKE: Hungry. Do we have any food?

MIKE gets up and goes to the refrigerator, but when he tries to open it, his hand passes through it.

PETER: Look!
DAVY: See?!
MIKE: (Frowns, puzzled, at the refrigerator) Stupid thing's broken.
MICKY: Yeah! ... No, wait....

DOLORES and another glowing man (FRANK) appear suddenly in the living room in a shower of golden sparkles. PETER gasps and puts a hand to his heart.

MICKY: Don't do that!
DOLORES: Robert... er, Michael... we've come for you.
MIKE: Oh man, you again! How many times do I have to tell you-
FRANK: I'm afraid you have no choice in the matter, my boy. I've consulted our records, and you were, in fact, scheduled to die today.

MR. ZERO appears again in a puff of smoke and laughs at DOLORES and FRANK.

MR. ZERO: You'll not have him! (Glares a bit at MIKE) He's a crafty one!

MR. ZERO laughs again and disappears. FRANK sighs and rolls his eyes as THE MONKEES all look shocked. FRANK then pulls a large book out of thin air and flips some pages, then nods in satisfaction and points to one of the pages.

FRANK: Look, it's right here in the schedule. Yes, there, see?

MICKY and DAVY each look over FRANK'S shoulder. (Or try to, DAVY is too short, and keeps jumping up and down in an attempt to see the entry.)

MICKY: Hey, he's right, Mike, there you are. Robert Michael Nesmith, age twenty-four, 11:26 a.m. on Wednesday, October 17, 1968!
DAVY: 'Ey, where am I?

FRANK slaps at DAVY'S hand as he attempts to look through the schedule book.

FRANK: Stop that!
MIKE: No way, I ain't goin'!
DOLORES: Please don't make this difficult.
MIKE: Difficult is my middle name, baby!
PETER: I thought Mike's middle name was Michael?

BEGIN ROMP
"This Just Doesn't Seem To Be My Day"
DOLORES and FRANK lead MIKE on a spirited (get it?) chase throughout the Pad. PETER, DAVY, and MICKY try to distract THE ANGELS so that MIKE can get away, but THE ANGELS are extremely persistent. At one point, MIKE runs through a wall and THE ANGELS follow. MICKY tries to follow them, but hits the wall and falls down. MR. ZERO appears on the sidelines with a banner ("Go, Monkees!") and a tub of popcorn, laughing and cheering. Finally, THE MONKEES manage to wear THE ANGELS out by running around them in circles, making them dizzy. THE ANGELS collapse on the couch.
END ROMP

SCENE THREE
THE MONKEES, including GHOST-MIKE, are standing over the exhausted angels. FRANK whips out his schedule book.

FRANK: Alright! Alright, I'll reschedule you! You don't have to go!
DOLORES: (Shocked) What?!
FRANK: I'm tired. 500 years in the business and I've never had one as stubborn as this.
MIKE: It's a gift.
FRANK: (Scribbles in the scheduling book) There, I've moved you to.... (Slams the book shut) Well, I won't tell you, but you won't have to worry for a while, alright! Dolores, let's get out of here.
PETER: (Hopefully, but still disbelieving) You mean... Mike can stay? He's not dead anymore?
MICKY: But what about his body? The hospital-
FRANK: I'll take care of everything. Give me a moment and I'll rearrange the timeline a bit.
DOLORES: (Drops her head into her hands) I don't believe this.
MIKE: Thanks, man.

MIKE turns to THE MONKEES

MIKE: Told you I wasn't dead.

There is a flash of light and MIKE is whole again, sporting a bulky bandage around his head.

MIKE: Ow!

MICKY, DAVY, and PETER all wince in sympathy. FRANK smiles somewhat evilly.

FRANK: That's for making trouble. Take two aspirin and whatever you do, don't call me in the morning. Goodbye, boys, until.... (He quickly consults the schedule book) November 26, 2008!
MICKY: Who's-

FRANK and DOLORES disappear in a shower of golden sparkles.

PETER: (Brightly, waving) G'bye!
MICKY: Hmm, 2008, that's.... (Counts on his fingers, murmuring to himself)
DAVY: Ah, don't worry about it Micky, that still gives us plenty of time!
PETER: I'm so glad you're okay, Michael! (Grabs Mike in a hug, this time he makes contact)
MIKE: (Moans) Ooh, my head.
DAVY: Maybe you should lie down, Mike.
MICKY: Yeah, go lie down, that looks like a nasty bump on the head.

MIKE stumbles upstairs, holding his bandaged head.

MICKY: Wow, that was weird.
DAVY: Yeh. But everything's back to normal now!
PETER: Everything's just dandy!
MICKY: All wrapped up in a neat little package!
DAVY: We're five minutes short, aren't we?
MICKY: Yup.

BEGIN "VIDEO"
"No Time"