Three:
"Sometimes, I wonder if honesty really is the best policy," Jason sighed as he gazed distractedly out the garage window. Tommy had come over to help him with an oil change while Emily was out. He recalled the expression on his wife's face when he mentioned Tommy was coming over: hurt and anxious. It had given him the distinct impression that she didn't trust him.
Tommy pushed himself out from under Jason's car. He grabbed the rag and wiped the grease from his hands.
"You know it is," he assured his long-time friend. Jase had told him about the weekend of their bike trip and the subsequent conversations he'd had with his wife. Tommy couldn't have been happier that Emily finally knew all about their history as Rangers and that she had taken it so well. As for the rest... he hurt for his one-time lover. He had so wanted Emily to be as accepting as Kimberly had been Jason's sake alone, not for any potential benefits that might fall his way. Jason loved Emily as much as he loved Kimberly; he couldn't bear that this had come between husband and wife. "The truth has a way of creeping out sooner or later. Is Emily still not talking to you about it?"
"No. I've tried to bring it up, but she just changes the subject. She's not exactly in denial, but it's not exactly shock. Since she won't tell me, I'm not sure what she's feeling. It's just so frustrating!"
"At least she hasn't thrown you out or asked for a divorce," Tommy joked humorlessly.
"That's another strange thing. I thought she was repulsed by the whole idea of you and me having sex together, but geez, our sex life has never been better. I know she's fantasizing about something when we're together it's not like that's anything new for her but she won't tell me what it is she's thinking about... like she used to."
"It's possible that she's trying to picture the two of us together," Tommy hypothesized. "After all, Kim told me that when she first saw us together, she was so turned on she felt like she could take us both at once."
Jason flashed his companion a cocky grin. "And ultimately did." Then, the smile faded as his thoughts returned to his strange situation with his wife. "Em was okay with things until I admitted that I wanted to sleep with you agin. If only I hadn't been so stupid...!"
"It would have come up sooner or later." Tommy climbed to his feet and rested a hand on Jason's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "She just needs time. Remember how tough it was for you to accept it all at first? But you came around eventually."
"Yeah, but I wasn't married to you," Jason snorted.
"And she hasn't had years to get used to the idea of you wanting to sleep with another guy. She'll come around."
"I sure hope so," was the defeated response. "What tears me up most is the feeling that she doesn't trust me. God, the look on her face when I told her you were coming over. It was like she fully expected us to screw around behind her back. Actually, you've been something of a sore subject, which is why I haven't been staying late or coming in early."
"I kind of figured that," Tommy admitted. "Just hang in there. Maybe Kimberly can find out what's going on in Emily's head."
"Kim?"
Tommy hadn't mentioned the questions Emily had put to Kim that had touched this whole fiasco off; his wife hadn't given him the full details until he told her about their friends' falling out.
"Kim's invited her over today so they can talk. She figures Emily could do with hearing from someone who's been in her position," he explained. "The girls have already been discussing this, so it won't seem like it's coming out of nowhere. And maybe it'll help Emily warm up to Kim a little more."
"I just hope Kim can help," Jason prayed fervently.
~*~
Kimberly was on her knees and up to her elbows in loam when Emily finally arrived. Jason's wife was supposed to help her with some of the gardening chores with the aim of getting some tips for putting in some flowerbeds around their place. Since the better part of the day was gone, she was already finished trimming back the annuals and had a good start on putting in the mums and begonias. However, judging from her guest's distracted state, that was probably for the best.
"Sorry I'm late," Emily apologized as she took a seat on the low stone wall.
"That's all right. I was able to get an earlier start than I had planned," Kim replied dismissively.
An awkward silence settled over the pair. Even if Tommy hadn't filled her in, she still would have known that something was bothering the dark-eyed blonde. Emily looked pale, agitated and uncertain.
"How about we just cut to the chase," Kim decided, peeling off her gardening gloves and setting them aside. There was really no point in being delicate about it. "Did you talk to Jason about what you know."
"You know I did," Emily snapped accusingly. "I'm sure Jason told Tommy everything."
"Can you blame him? Men need their confidantes just as women do. You know the history between our husbands; of course Jason would turn to Tommy if he was troubled, especially if he couldn't go to you," Kim admonished. "And Jason's my friend, too, so unless he specifically ask him not to tell, Tommy would share with me. Jason knows this, too, and so should you."
"I do. I'm sorry," the other woman murmured contritely.
"It's okay, Emily. So, Jason told you everything?"
"Yes... including that he wanted to have sex with Tommy again."
Even though Kim already knew that tidbit of information, she was still rather started by it.
"And you feel like you failed him as a wife?" the petite brunette prompted.
"I don't know... not really, I guess. I mean, it's not like he said he wanted to sleep with you again."
Kim smiled at that. "In Jason's case, I don't really think it means anything. The way I've always viewed Tommy's need for a male lover is that another man can give him something a woman is not equipped to," she explained. "Sure, you can use a dildo on him or wear a strap-on if he's in the mood for anal sex, but if you've ever used a vibrator or other toy, you know there's no substitute for the real thing."
"You've got that right," Emily agreed, feeling surprisingly unselfconscious about being so frank. She'd never felt totally comfortable discussing sex... even with her husband.
"And I imagine it's a lot different kissing and touching someone of the same sex," Kim ventured thoughtfully.
"I imagine so," her trouble companion concurred. Then, she essayed a question of her own. "Kim, how did you react when Tommy first told you he was bi?"
"I didn't believe him," Kim answered, "but not for the reasons you'd imagine. You see, for most of the time Tommy and I dated, I'd thought he was gay and in love with Jason."
"That's what Jason told me, but how...?"
And Kim went on to explain how Tommy confessed his attraction to Jason to her because he felt guilty about being dishonest with her.
"When Tommy told me he was gay," Kim concluded, returning to the point, "I cried some I was hurt, deeply, because I loved him so much. I didn't hate him or anything, but I went through some serious denial. However, I finally got it through my thick skull that my boyfriend would always be in love with his best friend. I thought that everything Tommy had shared with me had been an act. It never occurred to either of us that what he felt for me was as real as what he felt for Jason. When Tommy tried to tell me what he'd discovered, I was afraid to believe him. It took Jason to convince me he was on the level.
"The thing was, through all of this, was that I loved Tommy enough to let him be the person he was deep down inside, no matter how much I wished he was different. And that has made all the difference in our relationship. Tommy took quite a risk telling me the truth, both early on and later. He put his faith in the love I told him I had for him and trusted that I'd never hurt him. How could I betray that trust? And by accepting his need to be with other men, I know that our marriage is all the stronger for it. Tommy doesn't need to feel like he has to hide anything. He doesn't have to try and lie to me or go behind my back. He has my trust, and I know that I have his love and the assurances that he'd never do anything to hurt me."
At the mention of trust, Emily winced inwardly.
"Emily, are you afraid that Jason might be gay or bisexual because he wants to have sex with Tommy again?" Kimberly pursued. "If so, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just because he enjoyed what he did with Tommy, doesn't necessarily mean anything. Tommy says that homosexuality and bisexuality go much deeper than that."
"I don't know what I think right now," Emily admitted softly. She wasn't ready to explore her feelings on the matter, but she did have some other questions that she wanted to ask. "Did you ever see much of Jason's reaction to Tommy's coming out? Jase told me that he was mostly hurt that Tommy hadn't confided in him, but I had the feeling that he was glossing over a lot."
Kim respected her companion's retreat from the more difficult issues at the moment. "He and I talked shortly after Tommy told him. I think he put on a brave front for Tommy's benefit, knowing that Tommy needed his unconditional support and acceptance more than anything. But with me...
"Hurt was the biggest part of what he told me he was feeling and what I could see in him. There was a lot of uncertainty, too. He just didn't understand how this could be... what Tommy was feeling... and he really and truly wanted to. There was some awkwardness as he realized that Tommy had been scoping him out when he wasn't looking and things like that. But the only thing Jason never demonstrated was condemnation."
"From the way you and Jason describe Tommy, it seems as if he had a pretty good handle on his situation... on accepting that he wasn't completely straight."
Kim had to laugh at that. "Not really. That's why things were such a mess for us! On one level, he accepted that he wasn't completely straight, but on another, he was as confused as any other teenager discovering his sexuality.
"It never bothered him on an individual level. He made up his mind pretty quickly that he liked guys, and that was cool with him. It was when he looked at the bigger picture what it meant in terms of his friendships that he was uncertain. More than anything, he feared his attraction to Jason would drive him away, but he never second guessed or feared that attraction."
"How do you think Tommy would have handled it if your positions had been reversed? How would he have handled things if you'd been the one who was bisexual?"
The query caught Kim off guard.
"I never looked at it from that angle, but just knowing how much he cared for me.... I think he would have accepted it. He wouldn't have wanted me to be anyone but myself; he'd have wanted me to be happy just as I wanted that for him."
"So, if you were to suddenly announce that you'd had a thing for other women all these years, he'd be fine with that?"
"Except for the fact that I'd kept such a secret from him for so long, yeah, he'd be fine," Kim answered, more than a little puzzled by the question. Why should Tommy mind if she was bi since he was? "Actually, I probably think he'd be ecstatic because then I'd better know what it's like for him."
"I see."
Kim watched Emily; though no further questions had come, it was pretty obvious from the way she was wringing her hands that there was something else on her mind.
"What was it like... seeing them together?" the blonde asked at last.
"It was one of the most erotic and most touching sights I'd ever seen," Kim answered with a fond sigh. "What I saw wasn't like anything you've ever seen in a video. You could see the depth of their feelings for each other. You knew it wasn't just sex; it was love. It reminded me of my first time with Tommy.... I remember telling Jason that it was almost like I was watching me and Tommy in a mirror, only someone had substituted him for me.
"And they were so hot together!" Kim continued, fanning herself and smiling hungrily at the memory. "Tommy and Jason are two of the most gorgeous men around. I'd honestly never given much thought to homosexual sex as being a turn-on, but watching those guys kiss and touch... whoa! If I hadn't been so surprised, I probably would have creamed my panties."
"I never thought of it in that way before, either," Emily confessed, though privately, she had to admit since Jason had told her, she'd had a hard time getting the images out of her mind and that they never failed to stir some serious tingles deep within her.
"I especially liked watching them kiss," Kim added, a lusty twinkle in her eyes. She loosed another heavy sigh. "That is definitely something I wouldn't mind seeing again."
Emily arched an eyebrow at that revelation, taking in the flush on her companion's cheeks and the other noticeable signs of her arousal.
"I wonder...." she began hesitantly. She'd always wanted to put the question to Jason but had been too self-conscious. "Do you think the guys would be just as turned on by seeing two women together as we are about seeing two men?"
It was Kim's turn to cock a surprised eyebrow.
"Well, I've always heard that men find the sight of two women together arousing," she began uncertainly, "but Tommy and Jason...? I don't know. Probably. Tommy and I have never discussed. We've watched the occasional adult video together, and I've never noticed an extreme reaction one way or another...." Kim shrugged. Actually, she didn't pay as much attention to Tommy when the women were on the screen as when the men were!
"Do you think he'd want to see you with another woman?"
"I bet he would," the brunette said with a wry smile. "I remember him telling me once that the memory of me with Jason was still more powerful than just about anything. He was really turned on by that."
"Have you ever given that much thought about being with another woman like Tommy was with Jason?"
"Not really. Maybe an occasional passing thought. I've never found myself interested in women that way, but after what happened with the guys, I won't rule out the possibility," Kim answered with a knowing smile. "Given the right circumstances, anything can happen." Wondering about this turn in the conversation, Kim redirected the question. "What about you? Has Jason spoken to you about doing something like this, or are you just curious."
"I...." Emily faltered.
Kim wasn't sure what to make of her hesitancy. "It's all right to be curious, though," she hastened to say. "I've been dealing with these issues for so long that I forget how unsettling they can be at first, and while I don't exactly remember, I bet I had many of the same thoughts and concerns that you're having."
Emily blushed and ducked her head.
"It's all right, Emily. You don't have to be embarrassed. The only reason this is so difficult for you is because it matters so much to you. Am I right?" The blonde nodded her head. "And it isn't easy for you to talk about stuff like sex and all this especially with someone you're not exactly close to, is it?"
"No, it's not, but I... I really need to," Emily admitted. "I want to understand Jason.... I don't want this to come between us. I... help me, Kim, because I don't know where else to turn!"
As the tears began to spill down Emily's cheeks, Kim pulled her into a comforting hug. "It's all right, Em. I'm here for you, and somehow, we'll make this all right between you and Jason again."
~*~
That evening as Kim laid in bed, she kept turning Emily's questions over in her mind, a little surprised that they hadn't come up between her and Tommy before.
I guess we were both so focused on his issues that we never considered the other side.
"Is something wrong, Beautiful?" Tommy asking, rolling over to envelop her in his arms. His breath was delightfully warm on her skin.
"Just thinking about some things Emily brought up this afternoon," she replied. She turned to face her husband, reaching up to trace the planes of his face and outline his lips.
"What sort of things?"
"Things like being with another woman... had I ever thought about it... what you guys thought about it," she answered off-handedly. "What was it like, being with Jason? What was so different about it beyond the obvious?"
"I take it you're going for more than just the physical sensations/responses here," he said as he pondered her request. "I guess the one thing that stands out in my mind was that it wasn't nearly as intimidating as being with you."
"Having sex with me is intimidating?" she gaped incredulously.
"That's not quite what I meant," he laughed, backpedaling a bit. "It's more like I can't identify with you like I can with Jason. Face it, I don't know the equipment; I don't know exactly what you're feeling when I play with your breasts or eat you out. I have a very good idea, but that's all it can ever be.
"With Jase or another guy, there's a sense of familiarity. Every body is different, but I know the territory, so to speak. I know that while the little things will be different like Jase doesn't get off on having his earlobes nibbled as much as I do I know how Jason feels when I cup his balls or suck on his cock. That sense of familiarity... of connection... is very powerful and comforting and reassuring. Does that make any sense?"
"It does. A lot," Kim replied. "I can see the attraction of that."
"What about you? Would you want to know what that's like? Would you want to have sex with another woman?" Tommy queried.
"I really don't know," Kim sighed. "I mean, I can appreciate another woman's beauty, but I've never been particularly turned on by them.... I guess I sort of see myself in Jason's position."
"You mean, if Trini or Aisha...?"
"I could see myself doing something with them, more so than with a stranger. Is that something you'd like to see: me with another woman?"
"I think it'd be incredible," her husband answered honestly. "I think I'd rather see you with another woman than with another man."
"But I thought you liked seeing me with Jason," she teased.
"I did, but Jason is... Jason." Tommy shrugged. "It's like you not wanting me to be with other women."
"I suppose I could deal with it in the right circumstance like if we had a threeway with one of the other girls from the team or a fourway with Jason and Emily. Something like that."
"Now, there's a thought," Tommy murmured, his eyes sparking with interest. "But I doubt Emily would go for it. She's having too much trouble dealing with me and Jason."
"You're probably right," Kim conceded. "Still, I wonder what made her asks those questions."
"Maybe she had a friend at her old school who was bi or a lesbian and had some trouble accepting her."
"That makes sense."
"So," her husband purred, pulling her closer. "You feel like having a twosome for now?"
"Hm... that could be a lot of fun...." Kim agreed and willing abandoned her ruminations for the night.
~*~
It was late, and Jason hadn't come up to bed yet. Emily slipped out from under the covers and headed downstairs. As she expected, she found her husband going through a kata in their family room/practice dojo. As she watched the fluid, graceful movements (he wasn't performing a power kata), she found herself appreciating his strong, cut body, and she wondered what it would be like to see her broad-shouldered spouse wrapped around his best friend's lithe, equally muscular form.
She knew Jason was hurting. He had taken as much of a risk in being so honest with her as Tommy had when he first came out to his friends. She was grateful that he had been so truthful with her; she really wouldn't have wanted him to try and hide this from her. It would have hurt more in the long run. She wished she wouldn't have reacted as adversely as she had. It was just that Jason's revelations had stirred in her a lot of confusing, conflicting emotions. Yet, for all her turmoil, there was one certainty she clung to: Jason loved her, and she didn't want to ever lose that love.
"Em!" Jason exclaimed, startled to find her standing in the doorway.
"Hi, hon," she murmured. "Going to be much longer?"
"Not really. I was just wrapping things up."
"Good." Gathering her courage, Emily approached the mats. "One of these days, you'll have to teach me some moves," she said casually.
"I'd like that very much," he replied. "I like being able to share my interests with you. Always have."
"I want you to," she said softly. The look of hope that suddenly flashed in his eyes struck her deep in her soul, and she knew she had to reach out to him somehow.
"Jason, this business with you and Tommy... I'm sorry for the way I've taken it. I know it's not some spur of the moment whim; it's something very special between you. And I know you wouldn't do anything behind my back; I know I can trust you.
"I don't think any less of you because you had sex with Tommy once, and it isn't so much that you want to do it again. It's just... there's so much to think about... to deal with... to adjust to... and it's going to take some time for me to get everything straight in my mind. That's all."
"I realize it's a lot to dump on you all at once," Jason responded, catching her hand in his. "I thought that you despised me for it, and that's why you've been so distant. I thought you didn't trust me...."
"Never that, hon," she promised, stepping closer until she pressed her cheek to his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I just haven't had years to get used to the idea, like Kimberly."
"I imagine she was a basket case when Tommy first told her," he had to agree, "though she never let on. I guess she felt she had to protect him."
"Kim has been a big help to me," Emily continued.
"I'm glad."
"Just be patient with me, Jase."
"I will, Em. Just you don't give up on me."
~*~
"Hello! Anybody home?" Tommy called out with an accompanying rap at the back door.
"Come on in, Tommy," Emily replied as she headed into the kitchen. Even after almost four months, she was still not used to his habit of cutting across their yards and coming to the backdoor instead of the front. "Jason will be back in a few minutes; I sent him to the store for a few things."
Part of Emily was hoping that Tommy would leave, and another part was chiding her for being such a ninny. Tommy wasn't the enemy, and things weren't as strained between her and Jason as they had been, but she couldn't seem to help herself. She felt nervous being alone with her husband's friend. She just hoped Tommy didn't notice.
"That's all right; I only stopped over to see if you guys wanted to come over for dinner," he said. "I'm firing up the grill."
In spite of herself, Emily couldn't resist the jibe, "Are you sure it's safe? I seem to recall the last time we were over for a cook out, you nearly wound up inviting the fire department."
Tommy flashed her his wounded puppy look. The grill had been a present from his father; unfortunately, years of watching the "grill master" at work hadn't quite prepared him for being a backyard chef. And while his folks hadn't been there to witness the fiasco, his father soon thereafter offered to introduce him to his friends at the fire station.
"I'll have you know that I've had some practice since then," he retorted.
Emily laughed. "We'll be there; Jason wouldn't miss this for anything."
Even as she accepted, Emily felt her insides knotting up again, and she fervently wished she didn't feel that way. She couldn't ask for a better friend and neighbor, one who long-ago proved she could turn to him as she could her husband or her in-laws. Why did it have to matter now that he and Jason had been lovers once?
"Great," Tommy replied, interrupting her pained musings. "Just come over as soon as Jase gets home."
"Sure thing."
As he took his leave, Tommy paused by the doorway. "And Emily, I don't bite. I'm not the monster you think I am."
The blonde blushed to the roots of her hair and turned her eyes towards the kitchen floor. She didn't say a word.
"I know Jason has said this to you, so I hope you'll believe I'm as much a man of my word as your husband is. I'd never do anything to intentionally come between the two of you. I'm not trying to seduce Jason," he assured her.
"No, you did that four years ago." Almost as soon as the sharp words passed her lips, she wished with all her might that she could recall them. Tears stung her eyes, and she flashed a horrified glance in Tommy's direction. He had abandoned the door and was coming towards her, but instead of being angry, he seemed to understand and sympathize.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to say that," she stammered. He drew up next to her and gently guided her over to the kitchen table.
"I think it's time you and I talked," he said quietly. She nodded mutely. Before joining her, Tommy fetched a couple of glasses of water.
"Actually, I always thought it was the other way around; Jason was the one who did the seducing," he began, "but he did it just by being himself. I fell for him the minute I laid eyes on him. Same thing happened with Kimberly which was as confusing as all get out."
"I can imagine," Emily mumbled, for lack of a better response.
"The thing is, I did my best not to let Jason know how I felt about him even after I'd come out to him. I never wanted him to feel uncomfortable or to feel like I was hitting on him.
"What happened between the two of us happened. We can't change that. We were very lucky that what we did didn't hurt our friendship and it could have. Now, it's a part of that friendship... one I don't think either of us would change."
Emily remained silent, not knowing what to say.
"May I ask you something?" Tommy interjected into the silence. "Jason told me he'd tried to tell you about us back when he proposed to you. If you'd had known back then, would you have felt any differently about him? Would you still have agreed to marry him?"
"Of course I would have!" Emily asserted automatically. What took her more by surprise than her quick defense was the knowledge that, upon deeper reflection, she honestly would have accepted Jason's hand even if she had known. It wasn't the past she found so unsettling but the present.
Even more startling was the evident relief on Tommy's face at her announcement.
"I'm so glad to hear that."
"May I ask why?"
"I talk with guys in a bi-chatroom," he began rather circuitously. "Do you know that they envy me because my wife knows and supports my bisexuality? Many of them say they'd never tell their spouses because they're afraid of being rejected... for fear of losing everything they love. I've always found that kind of hard to believe. I mean, if you truly love your partner, wouldn't that mean you accept him or her for who and what they are? Accept all their faults and try to understand and be supportive? I suppose that's rather naive of me, but....
"At any rate, what I'm getting at here is that ever since Jason told me your reaction, I've been kind of afraid that...."
"That I'd leave him?"
"Or just plain hate him," Tommy confirmed.
"Is Jason afraid of the same thing?"
"Would you blame him if he were?"
"No." Emily drew in a deep breath. "I don't hate him or want to divorce him, Tommy. You guys have had years to get used to the idea. Maybe if I'd have known about you two back when we first got married things wouldn't be so difficult with him wanting to be with you again now, but by my own choice, I didn't want to know."
"We all understand that, Emily, and we'll give you all the time you need to adjust. I guess it was important for me to know where you stand on all this... to know that I hadn't somehow hurt your and Jason's relationship."
"Did you ever feel as if you'd taken advantage of Jason back when you'd first made love to him?" Emily asked suddenly; it was a question she'd wanted to put to Tommy ever since Jason had confided in her. "I know he made the first move and gave his consent throughout, but did you ever feel guilty, as if somehow you'd forced him by virtue of how close you guys are?"
Tommy gave off a chuckle. "I did a little. I couldn't help but wonder if Jason was really wanting what we shared... that he wasn't just giving in to humor me, and I couldn't come out and ask him. I had to trust him, as never before, to tell me the truth. Although, it helped knowing that he was a virgin."
"How so?"
"Since he'd never even been with a girl before, I knew he wouldn't have been able to do a good job of faking it," he replied with a smile. "Also, there were times when he seemed to be as scared and uncertain as I felt. That helped convince me that he was being honest; Jase rarely shows his uncertainty to anyone. Yet, in spite of all those reassurances, there were times when guilt reared its ugly head."
"How long did it take you to get over it?"
"When did I stop feeling guilty and finally believe?" he reiterated. "Last month when he told me he wanted to have sex with me again."
"Last... but you and he slept together years ago!"
"Jase and Kim will tell you I have an overdeveloped guilt muscle," Tommy laughed. "To be honest, Emily, there are still some days when I fear I'm going to wake up and discover that even Kim's support was all an illusion. It's not easy coming out, even to the people you know and love best."
"I know," she all but whispered under her breath with genuine understanding.
"I take it you've been in a situation where someone came out and it didn't go very well," Tommy prompted, getting to a question he'd been wanting to put to Emily ever since Kim had mentioned their discussion on the female aspects.
Emily sighed, not quite sure if she could talk about it after all this time, especially to Tommy, but then why not him? After all, he, if anyone, could surely relate....
"My best friend in high school... before I moved to Angel Grove," she began by way of explanation. "After we graduated, she told me that she was a lesbian, and I... well, things sort of fell apart for her and me after that. I just couldn't be the person she wanted me to be."
And that confession, sparked a realization within Emily
Tommy reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. "I'd kind of wondered if maybe you'd been through something like this before... something to make this more unsettling for you. Thank you for sharing that."
"I suppose I could have said something before now, but it's hard to talk about, even after all this time," she admitted. Then, Emily gave a wry chuckle. "I knew a conversation between you and me was inevitable, but I honestly didn't think it'd be about understanding. I figured you'd be trying to talk me into letting Jason have sex with you again."
"If Jason was truly bisexual, I probably would be," Tommy said in all seriousness. "I'd be campaigning for you to accept him and let him be the man he wanted to be. But Jason isn't bi. He may be curious, but that's the extent of it. He isn't interested in other men the way I am."
"I though you were only interested in Jason," Emily countered, only half teasing.
"Jason's the only man I'm in love with if you will, but I still look at and fantasize about other men. Jase is the standard against which I measure all the others. I honestly can't imagine having a relationship with another man unless I trusted him as much as I do Jason. I'm wanting more than just a casual encounter; I'm looking for someone who can accept me for who I am and, more importantly, can accept Kimberly as a part of me as well. That's not easy to find."
"I imagine not," Emily replied. "But if all Jason is is curious, since he's slept with you once, why would he want to do it again?"
"You tell me," was Tommy's response. "You've had sex with Jason; you know how good it can be." Emily blushed, and Tommy continued. "If, after your first time, you and he had never gotten together after that, wouldn't you want to do it again sometime? Because it had been so good? Because you wanted to see if the experience was really as good as you remembered?"
"Yes," Emily had to agree.
"I've wanted that, too, but I never expected it to happen again. That Jason would want to blows my mind. And his, too."
Tommy fell silent; he wasn't trying to pressure Jason's wife. He just wanted her to understand.
Emily, too, was quiet, trying to digest all that she and Tommy had discussed... all that she was feeling. Deep down, she knew what she had to do. It was the only thing she could do if she wanted to be true to the man she loved, but it wouldn't be easy.
"I understand, Tommy," she began carefully, "about experiencing something so good you want to try it again; I think everyone has felt that way at some point in their lives. And what you and Jason shared is a part of him now; I have to learn to accept that. Accepting the past isn't the hard part; it's accepting the present that's difficult. Jason wants to have sex with you again. Do you know how that makes me feel?"
"Like you've failed him somehow?" he answered with uncanny insight, and he hastened to assure her, "But you haven't."
"I know; Kim tried to tell me that, too," she sighed exhaustedly. She was so tired of fighting her inner battle. She looked up from her untouched glass of water and squarely met Tommy's eyes.
"I'm going to have to let him do this, aren't I?" she asked at last, but it was more of a rhetorical question than one she required him to answer. "To ask him not to would be asking him to deny a part of himself... to be someone he's not. I love him too much to do that to him, Tommy. I just wish it didn't have to be so confusing and hurt so much."
"And Jason loves you too much to want you to do something that hurts you. Emily, if you really don't want him to have sex with me, don't compromise your beliefs..."
"I wouldn't be compromising anything," she interjected. "I know a lot of folks can't accept this, but if it's love between two people, why should gender matter? I believe in a monogamous marriage, but at the same time, what's between you and him goes back much farther than any claim I have on his heart. Have I a right to interfere with that? I just don't know."
"There aren't any easy answers," Tommy said. "All you can do is look into your heart and do what feels right."
"What feels right is telling Jason it'd be okay if he followed his heart. I know he'd never have mentioned any of this if he hadn't felt very strongly about it."
"I'm glad," Tommy replied, giving her hand another supportive squeeze. It was a gesture she hadn't realized she needed. "And not just because I have a vested interest in the outcome. It's because I know it'll be the best for the two of you in the long run."
"I knew what you meant," she assured him with a smile.
"Of course," he went on with a teasing grin, "it'll be nice coming over here and not feeling like a villain."
Emily laughed. "Actually, if anyone was the bad guy here, it was me."
"So, when do you intend to tell Jason?" Tommy wondered.
"Eager are we?" she queried with a smug smirk.
"More like I don't want to spill the beans if you're not ready."
"Part of me wants to tell him right away, and part of me wants to do something special to make up for all I've put him through."
"As long as you don't wait too long; I'm not sure how long I can keep my mouth shut."
"Oh, don't give me that! I know enough about you to know that you'd take this to the grave if I asked you to," she snorted, and Tommy smiled sheepishly. Emily thought for a moment. Well, his birthday is coming up...."
"Want to put a bow on me and a sign that says 'here's your present?'"
Emily gave him a look that made him think she'd been hanging around Kim too long.
"That's not quite what I had in mind, but I do need your cooperation and Kim's."
"It's yours," he agreed enthusiastically.
However, their plans would have to wait as they heard a car pull up into the drive.
Chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
E-mail: kittiec@starpower.net