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Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not like anybody cares
Notes: This is a parody in script format but I did add in actions in parentheses to make it more like.... well.... a script. I figure a once scene shot works here! Do not take anything as being offensive!

Zordon and His Drugs
by Symbolic Agony

Tommy: It's Morphing time! Dragonzord!

Billy: No, you're currently Zeo Ranger five, red.

Tommy: Wait, wasn't that last season?

Alpha: Let me check, no last year was Quantum Omega Deluxe Action Power. I think we decided to finally shorten it this time around

Zordon: I give up. The power is not my control. Someone just rig up a suit with all their colors mixed in together so we have an idea from week to week.

(All the rangers look on painfully as Alpha pushes some buttons and six new uniforms appear, four of them swirled with clashing colors and the girls' a combination of shades in their respective color. Rocky begins to creep away slowly, only to fall backward over one of the many panels.)

Tommy: Um is it just me or does mine look like a Christmas tree?

Zordon: I can remedy that. Alpha, throw in some bows, you know the type you find on those boxes during.... that holiday... Tommy just mentioned it. And some purple... can't go wrong there.

(Jason laughs uncontrollably and Rocky gets up from his fall, seemingly unscathed and doubles over when the notorious new version is revealed. Even funnier is Tommy's wide open jaw.)

Tommy: Zordon? Please don't make me go through with that. It's embarrassing!

(Adam stomps on Tommy's foot and whispers in his ear)

Adam: Shut up before he decides to add orange polka-dots to it.

(Tommy whispers back)

Tommy: Easy for you to say at least black and green go together! Yours is the best one in the bunch!

Adam: Hey, remember I got the frog of all things!

(Jason overheard)

Jason: Hey you could've been a newt or a snail or....

Adam: Enough!

(Tanya ignores everybody else and holds the coarse fabric in her hands)

Tanya (cringing her nose): Is mine dirty or is that just how you made it?

Zordon: I decided to recycle some of the past yellow ranger uniforms, which explain for the difference in shade and material.

Kat: So I'm wearing someone else's old outfit, gross. Can't we get something else, like our old uniforms.

Zordon: When you are able to defend yourself, just once, yes I will, other than that I can't help you.

Rocky (whines): Could you add in some white in mine so it might look like an American flag?

Jason: Don't encourage him!

(Adam glances over at some pills sitting at the bottom of Zordon's tube. Inside were several large pills.)

Adam: Zordon, what are these for?

Zordon: I had anxiety right before Billy left, so he gave me these.

Adam: Only problem is that this is pretty damn close to LSD. What was Billy thinking?

Zordon: All the pretty colors are nice

Jason: This all suddenly makes sense now.

Rocky and Tommy simultaneously (bickering over who gets Adam's halfway decent looking uniform): Zordon's a drug addict?

Jason: Duogh! No! Billy's been causing Zordon to hallucinate.

Tanya (pitches both the yellow and pink ranger uniforms in the garbage can which appeared out of nowhere and disappeared just as quickly): How long has this been going on?

Zordon: About a month or so after Rita invaded I got these paranoid thoughts. Billy began giving me drugs for this and ever since.

Adam: This explains so much.

(Alpha is fidgeting off to the side of the Power Chamber, a nervous laugh escaping the robot's mouth. Jason grabs him by the shoulder.)

Jason: You wouldn't know anything about this would you?

Alpha: I'll never talk

(Adam gets out a screwdriver and waves it as a tease in front of Alpha's visual scanner.)

Adam: Now, if I dismantle you and download your memory onto my computer we can find out. You wouldn't want it to come to that, would you?

Alpha: Alright! I'm sick of being Zordon's slave. On one occasion where Zordon retreated for a few months, Rita contacted me through that cheap dumpster Zordon put her in. She said if I could get rid of him she would let me have the powers to use at my disposal. Billy just happened to come along right after Rita came out. He wanted the power too and we agreed to slpit it once Zordon was out of the way. We just drugged him to mke him more and more senile over the years. Now I'm he one who does things while he floats around like a na­ve child! It was me!

(Tommy sneaks up from behind Alpha and twists his head off of him)

Tommy: That's for making me almost go out looking like a disaster!

Tanya: Now what do we do about Billy? He should be punished

(Her and Kat immediately eye the control panel and bring up the components for Aquitar. The boys attempt to look over what they're doing but are promptly shooed away.)

Kat: Fire in the hole!

Tanya: Bye-Bye traitor!

Tommy: hey I make the decisions!

(An image of a water planet is shown on the viewing globe. The planet begins to boil and turn red deep within it's core.)

Jason: Um... what did you do?

Kat: We merely decided to caus nuclear fission to occur within the core. Everything is boiled to death by now but in another minute or two the core will explode.

Tanya: Billy's dead.

(Just then the viewing globe shows a massive nuclear explosion as the planet is vaporized and the energy is released through the galaxy)

Adam: Damn it, you didn't need to do that! There are other beings on hat planet too. What gives you the right to kill anyone! Isn't that what we're trying to prevent?

:Rocky: Cool, That would make a great music video! Stop with the heroics already Adam, this looks awesome.

(action moves to other side of room)

Tommy: Great either I side with the geek or the idiots. Arg!

Zordon: So, I can't get anymore of those pills from Billy

Jason: That's the good part of this, now when you're finally off, will you please return our uniforms to what they were and keep them like it?

Zordon: I don't know, too complicated. not pretty enough.

(goes to others side of room)

Adam: What you did was wrong!

Kat: What would you've done?

Adam: I don't know.

Tanya: You have to admit, that was a nice looking explosion.

Adam (gives a look of sheer disgust): How can you girls be so... malicious?

Kat: And you're the pope?

(Tanya goes up to Adam and kisses him full on the lips, leaving Adam surprised and blushing)

Tanya: I knew that would shut him up.

Kat: Yeah, but He's not as much fun as the others.

Tanya: Guys aren't that hard to deal with. Watch. Rocky? Come here.

(Rocky obeys)

Tanya: Okay, I want you to do whatever I say, alright?

Rocky: Yep.

Tanya: Go over to Adam and kiss him, on the lips and with tongue and all. Go

(Rocky gives an odd face and Adam immediately gets defensive. They start running after one another and Adam runs out of breath, forcing him to stop where Rocky obeys his request. Kat is laughing in hysterics as is Zordon and received the attention of Tommy and Jason)

Jason: I don't want to know.

Kat (giggling): Let me try. Tommy, come over here and strip.

Tommy: I am not THAT gullible. Only Rocky

Jason: Don't even try with me either!

Kat: Aw... Zordon, how about you, oops, sorry I forgot

Zordon: The colors, so pretty, I should add more.

Tommy: Um... Okay How about we all go home and pretend this didn't happen.

(All rangers come together in the center of the room)

Jason: Whoever mentions this incident dies!

Tanya: Except for Rocky's...

Adam: NO! I always said I would never hit a woman and it's all that's keeping me from backhanding both of you right now.

Kat: It was all in fun!

Jason: Okay, well no more taking Zordon's pills for either of you.

Rocky: But... wasn't this all a big joke?

All: NO!