Power Ranger Mania The Fanfic Shoppe The Yost  


Disclaimer: If you recognize it as part of the Power Ranger universe, then it belongs to Saban. If not, then it's ours. Well, excluding those parts that are real people who aren't us. They are their own.
Notes and Timeline: Ninjetti period. This can be blamed on Mele's tax season stress...

Attack of the Yosties
by Peregrine and Mele

Billy was so absorbed in his Chemistry homework he didn't notice that it was getting late until Ernie chased him out so he could close the Youth Center. Surprised, the Blue Ninjetti Ranger grabbed his scattered books and notes, stuffed them hurriedly into his backpack, and headed out the door.

He was still distracted by a particularly puzzling problem as he walked toward his home, his mental preoccupation causing him to pay scant attention to his surroundings. His route took him past a dark alley where, unbeknownst to the Ranger, danger lurked. He had just passed the mouth of the alley when a segment of the darkness separated from the rest and wrapped itself around the blond teen, pressing a chloroform-soaked rag to his face. His struggle was brief and ineffective as two more shadowy figures surrounded the felled hero. There was a brief argument as the figures tried to work out how to carry him, especially as one of them feigned a twisted ankle, and another insisted on taking a grip on the lower half of the body in a totally inappropriate place for 'leverage'. But eventually they managed to spirit him away into the night on the wings of a cliché.

An unknown time later, Billy regained his senses to find himself inside a large building standing in a circle of light, held up by his arms, which were tied to a beam with a badly tied reef knot several feet above his head. The sort of knot tied by a person who really doesn't know what they are doing. He was able to stand flat-footed, but incapable to move more than a few inches forward or backward. Because of the light focused on him he was unable to see any other features of the room, but some instinct told him he was not alone.

"Hello? Who's there?" he called out, forcing his voice to stay steady.

"Who we are is none of your concern," came a female voice from out the darkness behind him. He tried to turn toward the voice, only to be stopped by a different voice, also female, from his left.

"What we are going to do to you is ... mwhahaha*cough* ... damn ..."

"I told you not to try the evil laugh!" came an urgent whisper.

"It was the perfect opportunity ... when am I going to get a chance to try it again, huh?" was the also-whispered reply.

"Shush ... you're ruining the atmosphere! Maybe I should put the tension music tape on ..."

"I think I recorded over that with the Barney song ... you know ... just in case ..."

"You're sick, you know that?" The first voice sounded revolted.

"What are you going to do to me?" Billy stuttered out nervously.

"Pretty much whatever we please." Yet another female voice, from his right. And she hissed in a low voice, "You two ... stop it ... plenty of time for that later!"

He didn't much care for the sound of that comment. The voices were pleasant enough, but there was something very disconcerting about the whole situation.

"Why me?" he asked, mostly to keep them talking and buy time.

"Why not you?"

"Nice one!" commented the first voice.

"Well, you know her ... it's like a Zen thing. Cryptic Sayings 'R' Us," the second voice said scathingly.

He really had no answer to that one, so he decided to try a different gambit. "I prefer at least knowing what to call people. This whole cloak-and-dagger thing you have here is a bit much. And at least step into the light so I can see you!" He put as much bluster into his voice as he could.

"Very well."

The three figures emerged with seeming reluctance from the shadows. Black robes hid the bodies; deep cowls hid the faces. The only obvious difference between the three was the color of the piping along the edge of each cowl. One was red, one silver, one gold.

"You can call me Rap," said the one with the silver.

"Peregrine," stated the gold-piped figure in a melodramatic fashion.

"Mele," from the red-trimmed one.

"Together, we are ... The Yosties!" The trio struck a dramatic pose, arms and legs stuck out at peculiar angles. They stopped. "Nope, you were right; that does feel as stupid as it looks," Peregrine stated.

"I'm always right," Rap claimed.

"No dear, people just know better than to argue with you," Mele deadpanned.

"Those are your names?" The tone indicated Billy did not believe them.

"It is what you may call us," Rap asserted. "Our real names are our business, not yours."

"Ooooh — a chilling tone ... I've been trying to do one of them for ages!" Peregrine exclaimed. "Can I borrow it later?"

"I need it back for the next fic," Rap replied, "But sure ... go ahead."

"What is this all about, anyway?" Billy interrupted.

"It's time for the Yosties' Annual Cerebral Celebration for the Sisters of the Azure Elite Society. You are to be our ritual sacrifice. Now all we must do is determine the proper method to make our offering," Peregrine told him as she circled him appraisingly, using the aforementioned chilling tone.

She started to get dizzy, so she circled the other way just to make a change.

"Personally, I favor stabbing. There's something so ... symbolic about a ritual death by penetration," Mele ruminated. "I've used the method before."

"That's very Freudian, you know;" Peregrine observed. "I could read a LOT into that! Mmm ... too late, I already have ... mmmmm ..."

"Off with his head!" Rap muttered.

"That's very Jungian," Peregrine began and was immediately silenced by a slap around the back of the head before coughing and carrying on.

"Yes you have, Mel. And you've killed by car accident and drowning. There are more ... creative ways."

"Like the slow torture you favor, Perry?" Mele replied pointedly

"I prefer beheading," Rap repeated.

"At least it allows us time to savor it." Peregrine said with a guilty gleam in her eye. "And a cathartic method of releasing our aggressive feelings."

"Yeah, right ... who're you fooling, Miss Psycho-babble? ... Perhaps some of the other sisters will wish to take a vote later," Mele commented.

"Cut his head off and be done with it," Rap insisted.

"She does have a point. Beheading is very neat. Well, except for the mess it makes," Mele pointed out.

"Well, duh!" Peregrine commented. "But where there's a will and a large bucket, and possibly some clean-wipes, there's a way!"

Billy listened to this conversation with growing unease.

"Is it really necessary to kill me? Perhaps you need only make the gesture?" he tried to wheedle.

"Hmm, the boy has a point. We could simply torture him and not kill him outright. That has potential. But, torture is a fine art, you know. Perhaps we should take a look at the canvas?" Peregrine contributed, trying to pretend she hadn't been thinking about that all along.

"Good idea!" came the response — too rapidly for it not to have occurred to the others at least six times a minute.

Six hands reached out, grabbing the Blue Ranger's shirt and pulling it efficiently apart, leaving him nude to the waist. A couple of pairs of hands were slapped as they seemed not to have got the idea they were meant to stop there.

"Ooh, yes ... There is much to work with here. What do you suggest, ladies?" Peregrine purred, rubbing her stinging knuckles.

"You just can't beat a good old-fashioned beating," Mele said, eyeing up the now-bared torso appreciatively.

"Unless it's a good old-fashioned fingernail pulling," Rap countered.

"We could combine them."

"Oh, that works. And leaves room for others to contribute, based on their own preferences," Peregrine agreed. "As long as we get first shot, mind ... mmmm ..."



"Don't drool on the carpet, dear." Mele admonished, and added, "I know Dagmar would like a shot at him."

"Dagmar is not a Yostie," Peregrine protested. "Mine! Mine! Aalllll mine!"

"I'm working on converting her," Mele countered a bit defensively.

Peregrine stuck out her tongue at her fellow conspirator, the effect somewhat lessened by the fact no one could see her face. "Bad enough sharing with you two ... and you have to bring in more!"

"What ... what would Dagmar do to me?" Billy gulped, his unease growing at the almost laughing tone he heard in the voice.

"You'd get sex. Lots and lots of mind-blowing sex," Mele told him matter-of-factly.

"That doesn't sound so bad," Billy said hopefully, after he'd overcome the first shock and struggled with his blushes.

"With Jason," Peregrine pointed out evilly.

"Oh ... uh ..."


"Could be worse ... could be Rita and Zedd," Peregrine mused, looking around innocently. She dodged an elbow in the ribs and carried on.

"Cynthia could turn you evil, or better yet into a vampire, and leave you with a lifetime's worth of guilt for all you did. Or Cinders could make you responsible for the conception of an entity that will destroy the known world," Perry suggested next. "You know, the sort of things that happen to every person you meet."

"I could kill his parents and leave him alone with an abusive uncle," Rap interjected.

"Those are all good. Isolation, grief, guilt. Powerful stuff," Mele commented appraisingly.

"Couldn't you just let me go?" Billy asked, getting a bit desperate. His captors ignored him completely.

"Perry, you could blow him up! You're good at that."

"What? He hasn't gone down yet. I've been watching ... Oh!" Peregrine blushed. "Oops ... I'm with you now. We need something new. Something we haven't done yet. Though that narrows the field a fair bit."

"I've got it! Something none of us has done yet," Rap announced suddenly.

"The Barney song?" Peregrine asked with a sick gleam in her eyes.

"You need help, girl... you really do," Mele said pityingly.

Rap disappeared into the darkness and moments later, after some outraged screams from a poor mutilated muse, she emerged with three items that made Billy's blood run cold.

"Oh, no! Please, not that. Please, that's beyond cruel. I'd rather you behead me, or even blow me up. Not this..." Billy was near babbling in his terror.

"Can I try an evil smirk? Please?" Peregrine asked the others.

"Make it quick," Mele consented.

Peregrine smirked evilly and then she said, "Hmph. Your reaction tells us that this is indeed the right choice. Shall we make it a simultaneous assault, ladies? Yes? On three, then. One ... two ... three!"

Billy was thrashing wildly in his bonds, trying frantically to escape the pitiless attack, but there was no mercy, no succor. Finally he was reduced to hanging limply, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his body still quivering in reaction. The three women watched, hypnotized for a moment by the twitching muscles, and then sighed lustily.

"Ah, yes, just the thing. Come on, ladies, our work here is done," Rap said.

"And you talk to me about clichés!" Peregrine protested.

They quickly cut the rope holding him upright and made good their escape, after a little delay when they had to run back to stop Mele from trying to hide him under her robe and take him home, each still clutching in her fist the feather she'd used to help break the Blue Ranger. There was another delay when Peregrine forgot her fuzzy-butted muse, divested of his tail feathers ... went back and found Rap toying thoughtfully with some thumbscrews ... and was in the process of dragging her away when they both spotted Mele sneaking back in, who then tried to look innocent when they confronted her. There was a loud row, which eventually was stopped by the fact that Heyoka zapped the fire system, the sprinklers came on, and the lot of them ran away, their ardor cooled.

The End. For now....

Authors' notes: Thanks to the wonderful authors and good sports who gave us permission to reference them and their works: Rap, Dagmar Buse (who also beta'd, thanks!), Cynthia, and Cinders. You gals are the best. Oh, and a special thanks to Heyoka for his contribution.