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They had progressed to the second album off the stack by now, but Lynne had taken hold of the first one once more. She opened it to the set of pictures displaying the two couples, looking at each with new eyes. One photograph especially caught her attention; it didn't quite seem to fit with the rest. Before either Tommy or Kat could launch into another tale, she touched her mother's knee.
"Can we wait a second, please? I have a question," she said.
"Yes, dear?"
"Who's the blonde with Dad?" Lynne wondered, staring at the picture. "I know it's not you, Mom..."
"No, that's Emily Benson," Kat replied. "Jason's girlfriend in senior year. He started dating her around the time Tommy and I first went out."
"At least he stayed true to type," Oliver commented critically. "Blue eyes, blonde hair... you looked prettier, though," he declared, winking at his mother.
"Thank you," Kat smiled, pleased by the compliment.
"She was Jase's first serious relationship," Tommy divulged with a small grin. "While we were all happy for him—it was the time when love was very definitely in the air, what with Kat and me dating, and Adam and Tanya getting together—nobody had expected him to fall for someone like her."
"What do you mean, someone like her? She looks nice enough," Jared said, puzzled.
"Emily was... well, I guess our parents would have called her a 'bad girl'," Tommy said blandly.
There were several gasps around the room.
"Dad dated a 'bad girl'? No way!" Lynne exclaimed, only to add dubiously, "He didn't really, did he?"
Kat rolled her eyes. "You're exaggerating," she scolded Tommy, who grinned unrepentantly. The less-than-favorable first impression Emily had made on the gang had provided him and Rocky with a wealth of material to tease Jason with for months. To her offspring, Kat explained. "Emily wasn't bad, she just had fallen in with a somewhat wild crowd when we first met her. They committed some minor vandalism—which they did help to repair, later—some underage drinking and so on. But she was perfectly nice as soon as she and Jason got interested in each other."
"Still, the idea kind of boggles the mind," Oliver commented, sounding just a tad disappointed that his father hadn't been involved with someone truly outrageous. "I mean, Dad used to be such a straight arrow..."
"How long did they date, anyway?" Lynne changed the subject, although she resolved to grill her Uncle Rocky about this Emily person at the first opportunity.
"Oh, about as long as Tommy and I did," her mother mused. "I know Jason was still together with her on Christmas 1999."
~*~
Kat checked her shopping list as she ambled down the crowded hallways of the East Angel Grove Mall. She had crossed off maybe two-thirds of the presents she wanted (and needed) to buy and which she hadn't already brought from London, but her feet hurt... and a cup of tea or coffee, with maybe an almond cookie, sounded just about perfect right now. Determinedly, she turned left at the next intersection, intending to make a beeline for the food court, when suddenly she spied a familiar figure coming out of... a jeweller's store?!?
She quickened her pace, hurrying after the broad-shouldered young man clad in jeans, grey shirt and a black leather jacket. If he had indeed bought what she thought he might have, she very definitely wanted to be the first to know!
He stopped at a window and looked at the display, but apparently found nothing to his liking; he was turning to leave again when Kat caught up with him. She tapped one leather-covered arm.
"Surprise!"
Jason whirled around, startled out of his thoughts. It took him a moment to realize he wasn't seeing things, that the lovely blonde smiling at him so impishly was indeed his friend, then his face lit up with a broad, delighted grin.
"Kat!"
Impulsively, he hugged her and was pleasantly surprised to note that not only she didn't object but hugged him back just as enthusiastically.
"Man, it's good to see you," he laughed, giving her a quick once-over from her silver-blonde locks caught in a careless topknot to her modishly shod feet. She was just as pretty as he remembered. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in London!"
Katherine dimpled at him. "Christmas break, silly. I came home two days ago."
"Duh. Of course." He grimaced comically, making her laugh. "And hitting the Mall already, I see. Guess it's once a shopaholic, always a shopaholic," he teased.
Kat mock-glared. "It's easier to do at least some of my shopping here—that way, I didn't have to bother about breakables, weight limits or customs," she explained.
"Tell me about it," Jason smiled, remembering his own return from Geneva. "When I came back from Europe, I had to send a lot of my stuff by air freight, and if Trini hadn't helped me pack... as it was, only a bottle of perfume I'd bought for my Mom broke. That suitcase still smells of lavender!"
Kat giggled at that. Then, she indicated the four shopping bags he was carrying. "You've been melting the plastic, too?"
"Hardly that. I needed some new exercise stuff... and a book I'd ordered for class has come in. I picked it up, is all."
"Have you even started on your Christmas shopping? It's already the 16th," she chided.
"That's still eight shopping days left," he replied with studied blandness, knowing exactly how to get Kat going—the same way as Kim, Trini and Tanya. They, too, had been known to harangue their more indifferent male friends to get earlier starts on what they considered a necessity of life.
"You really have no presents at all in there?"
Jason chuckled at her tone—both faintly scandalized and disappointed. "Well... maybe I do." He shifted his bags to his other hand, removing them from inquisitive blue eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that curiosity killed the Kat?" Then, he quickly jumped backwards, knowing how much she hated cat jokes. Inadvertently, he bumped into another shopper; the Mall was rather crowded. "Oops, I'm sorry, Ma'am," he apologized hastily, blushing under the reproachful glare and huffy snort of a lady old enough to be his grandmother.
The little scene made Kat grin gleefully, but it also brought to her attention that the two of them were creating a roadblock in the steadily-moving stream of browsers.
"Say, I was just about to stop for a coffee or something; want to join me? I'd really like to catch up with everything that's happened here while I was gone," she suggested.
"Coffee sounds good," Jason agreed. "Lead me to it!"
Laughing out loud, Katherine slipped her arm through his. "Okay. As long as we don't have to follow a yellow brick road," she giggled, and together they marched off towards the food court.
~*~
Somehow or other, one cup of coffee turned into three as Kat and Jason settled in a small restaurant and exchanged news and histories, forgetting all about shopping and other errands. She had just started her third year at the Royal Academy and was now allowed to take part in actual rehearsals; he was finishing a combination business course/Phys. Ed. Teacher training at college to become a full partner with Rocky, planning to open a branch of the moderately successful Stone Canyon dojo in Angel Grove. She was bubbling over all the places she'd visited in Europe during her half-term breaks, finding an interested and knowledgeable listener in Jason, who'd travelled to a lot of the same locations during his stint at the Peace Conference. He was telling her everything he knew about what their friends were up to these days, even providing addresses and a few pictures. She talked about her successes, occasional failures and plans for the future. He was... strangely reticent about his personal life.
It took Kat a while to notice; there were so many things to talk about, to tell, to share... but when they finally wound down and lingered over the dregs of their beverages, she remembered where she had spied him—coming out of a jeweller's store.
With studied casualness, Kat leaned back in her seat. Disguising her curiosity as best she could as merely friendly interest, she flicked a nail against his shopping bags, which rested on a chair between them.
"So... what were you looking for in the Diamond Mine?" she asked with a smile. "Anything you want to share with an old friend?"
Jason grinned, recognizing the ploy for what it was.
"I didn't buy anything," he answered placidly.
Kat raised a sceptical eyebrow. "Oh really?"
"Yes, really."
She stared hard at him. Jason sounded sincere enough, but if one knew what to look for, his eyes would always give him away. Yes, there it was—a hint of a twinkle in the dark depths that meant he wasn't being entirely truthful in a good way.
"I don't believe you," she declared boldly. "You're just like the other guys; you wouldn't be caught dead in a place like that if you didn't have business there."
He chuckled even as he blushed; Kat had pegged him pretty well. He had bought a present there, and he was going to tell her; after all, it was no big secret. Still, he tried to stall a little.
*Let her squirm! Serves her right for being this nosy!*
"They do sell batteries for watches," he said blandly. "And I needed to get a new one for mine."
Kat snorted delicately. "Yeah, right. You'd go to a real jeweller when you can have it done cheaper at the nearest Wal-Mart or something."
Jason's lips twitched amusedly. "I took in Mom's pearls to be restrung for Christmas?" By making it a question he showed Kat that he was aware she was fishing... and that he was playing a little with her.
Mock-pouting, Kat seemed to ponder the explanation. While it was frustrating to be kept deliberately dangling like this, it was fun to engage in such mutual teasing with Jason.
"Hmm, maybe," she conceded at last. "But a little birdie tells me that's not it, either."
"I know that critter; it's been blabbing to you girls all the time for years now," Jason grumbled. "Maybe I ought to buy a shotgun and put us guys out of our collective misery by killing it."
His blonde companion snickered naughtily. "Like you could."
"Mumblehmphmuttergrumblepffffffffft," he uttered under his breath, trying for a glare that wouldn't work. Kat only laughed.
"Jason, you know you'll tell me eventually. And if you won't, I can just call your mother and get the truth from her. You might just as well give in gracefully," she told him smugly, blue eyes sparkling with good humor. "Come on, don't be a spoilsport! Please?"
"Oh very well," he gave in, shaking his head. "I bought a tie clip for my father."
"Right," Kat laughed, still not believing him—thinking he was trying to make a secret out of a far more significant purchase. "So show it to me!"
Jason shrugged. "Can't. I left it there to be engraved with his initials." He reached for his wallet. "I can show you the receipt, though."
Deflated, the blonde shook her head. "No thanks," she sighed, disappointment very evident in her voice. "If you say it's a tie clip..." Her companion had to chuckle at her crestfallen look.
"Why, what did you think I'd bought?"
Kat blushed and fidgeted with her purse. "I, um, I thought you had looked at diamonds."
Jason snorted. "A bit out of my budget, wouldn't you say? I am just a lowly college student; it's hard enough to get by without taking out too many loans. If I saved up for something, it'd be for something much more practical than diamonds. Like next year's tuition, or a new car."
"Not if that something were an engagement ring," she mumbled, slightly embarrassed now. "I honestly thought you and Emily..." Surprised, she trailed off when she saw Jason's face go blank at her remark. The dark eyes closed for an instant, then he averted his head. But he wasn't fast enough for Kat not to notice the expression of pain crossing his features, nor the way his knuckles went white as they clenched around his empty coffee cup, nearly crushing the cardboard. Her breath caught in her throat, and she reached out, touching his arm in instinctive comfort.
"Jason, what's wrong?"
He just shook his head. "Nothing." His tone, and the sudden tension in his muscles, belied the word.
"I don't believe that," Kat said gently. "Jason, I've known you long enough to know when you're hiding something, and you're definitely doing it now." She waited a few moments, but when he neither said anything nor would look at her, she made a wild guess. "Did you propose and Emily turned you down?" she asked as delicately as possible, reaching for his hand.
All she got was a deep, deep sigh. At last, Jason met her concerned gaze, his own full of confusion and pain. "I wish it were that simple," he murmured. "If Emily truly didn't want to marry me, I could accept that and get over it."
"You mean she doesn't?"
Jason thought that over.
"I... I think she'd say yes if I'd asked her," he said slowly. "I mean, I know she does want to have a family one of these days..."
"But you haven't asked her yet?"
"No."
"Why not?" Kat wondered. "You guys have been dating practically as long as Tommy and I; and if you're sure about your feelings... you're not afraid, are you?" Her teasing smile melted away as she was suddenly reminded of the last time she and Tommy had talked about their relationship; the night before she left for London. They had both said things at the time that they regretted later, and hastily-mailed letters and a few phone calls had eventually set things right again between them, but... it was definitely a case of 'forgiven, but not forgotten'. The blonde frowned minutely; what did it say about their relationship that come crunch time neither was ready to make sacrifices? Of course, the sacrifice in question was a pretty big one for her and for Tommy, but wasn't their love worth it? Or did not wanting to give up one's life's ambition for the sake of one's partner make them both just selfish? She honestly had no idea. And being separated by half a world didn't exactly help matters, either.
Kat desperately needed to talk about this with someone who knew them both, who had been there when things had been... not so perfect, the summer after graduation—shortly before they retired as Rangers.
Under any other circumstances, Jason would be her first choice for a confidante; in all matters concerning Tommy he was closer to her than even Tanya. It had started when Prince Gasket had captured and brainwashed Tommy; the closeness and unity of purpose they'd found between them then had stayed even after the crisis was over. And in time, they'd developed a very close friendship of their own. But the look of misery in the expressive dark eyes demanded that she set aside her own problems for now. This time, it was clearly Jason who needed a willing ear.
Well, he's got mine.
"Jason?" Kat repeated his name softly, starting to stroke the back of his hand in small circles. "Is there something wrong between you and Emily? Have you broken up?"
"No," he mumbled, staring at her pink-tipped nails as if mesmerized. "And... and I'm not afraid of asking her to marry me, either."
"Then what...?" she prompted.
Jason swallowed and moistened his lips. He wasn't afraid, but it took still all of his not inconsiderable courage to say what he'd only vaguely thought about in the darkest corners of his mind.
"I'm not sure I want to marry her," he whispered at last. "Not anymore."
"Oh Jason..." Kat's heart went out to her friend. That seemed pretty serious—like... she dared hardly think it... the end of a relationship. And endings always hurt, more so when one of the people concerned felt things so deeply as Jason usually did. It was one of his more endearing qualities, albeit one he tried to hide from everybody but his closest friends. Kat felt honoured that he evidently considered her one to share so much.
For herself, she'd been lucky; she'd never had her heart broken, but she'd seen the effects firsthand in Tommy, after he'd received Kimberly's infamous letter. To see a similar kind of pain in Jason was... disconcerting, to say the least.
"What happened?" she asked. "If you want to tell me, that is."
He looked at her then, more baffled than hurt if she read him right.
"That's just it," he shrugged helplessly. "Nothing happened. I didn't meet someone else, Emily didn't either... we've been going on just as we used to, no great upheavals or anything... I just know that whenever we go on a date, I know I'll have fun, but... there are times when I'd be just as happy staying at home, doing nothing. I used to feel all excited when I went to meet her; I don't anymore. I mean, I used to feel my heart beat faster, my palms would get sweaty, I couldn't wait to get to her house... now, all that is just... gone. One day, the feeling just wasn't there anymore, and I have no idea where it went or why it went away at all."
There wasn't much Kat could say to that—every thing that came to her mind were just platitudes, and Jason deserved better from her. So, she settled for squeezing his hand warmly.
"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I can only imagine how hard this must be for you."
"Hard... I guess," he sighed. "At least in the sense of wishing I knew what to do about it. How do you get back something that you didn't even notice you've lost?"
Kat thought the question over. Jason was talking about emotional distance, about loss even. An indifferent listener—or maybe just an objective one—might come to the conclusion that he had fallen out of love with Emily by now, but as his friend, Kat was neither indifferent nor objective. She very much wanted him to be happy, just as she was with Tommy, but...
Am I? Are Tommy and I really happy? After what we accused each other of before I left, after spending so much time apart... CAN we still be happy?
She pushed the traitorous thought aside—and decided to ignore the fact that it wasn't a new thought, either. Instead, she focussed once more on Jason, who was still rambling on about the changes he perceived in his relationship with his spirited girlfriend.
"...I mean, it'd be so easy to just cut my losses and call it quits between us, but I'm not a quitter; I'm not giving up on something important that easily."
Listening to his ruminations with all senses alert, it dawned on Kat as if Jason had already found his answer, but so far was refusing to face it. She didn't want to make him admit anything before he was ready to do so, however she didn't want to encourage him to maintain a union that maybe was already falling apart at the seams, either.
What a tightrope to walk! And I'm not even a gymnast! Why do I always wind up giving advice to the lovelorn? Tommy, Adam, now Jason...I can't handle this!
But Jason was winding down now, looking at her with such hope in his dark eyes that Kat didn't have the heart to fob him off with a few glib, non-committal remarks. Thinking hard, she sought to give him an answer that would actually help, not just tell him what he might want to hear.
"First... I think you have to ask yourself what you expect from your relationship—really, what you expect of Emily, of yourself... and then compare it with what you know of Emily's expectations. If you don't know them... ask. Make a list of pros and cons, if that helps. Second... take a good, hard, honest look at everything and everybody and decide whether it's realistic. Or if you need to adjust your thinking. If you can compromise—and where you'd want her to do the same. Third... can you live with those choices? And if you can't, what would be the honourable—the right—thing to do."
Jason heard her out with intense concentration, absorbing everything. His expression grew thoughtful, and to her relief Kat saw some of the tension leave his body. He nodded slowly.
"You know... that makes an awful lot of sense," he said at last. "I guess deep down I knew I had to do something like that, but... it sure helps to hear you say it's not a completely wacky idea. I mean, in a way it sounds as if I'd be making a list comparing this car over that, for example, not as if I was gonna decide whether to break up with Emily or not."
There, it was said. For an instant, Jason looked slightly shocked at himself, then exhaled gustily.
"I guess that's what it comes down to, doesn't it?" he remarked ruefully.
Kat smiled somewhat helplessly. "It sounds that way, from what you've told me," she agreed. "But Jason, I'm not telling you yes or no. That's a decision you'll have to make all alone, I'm afraid."
"I was afraid you were going to say that," he muttered with an attempt at a baleful glare. It didn't quite work.
"Well... yes."
"Hmph," he grumbled. Kat chuckled softly, glad that the emotionally-charged atmosphere of moments ago was slowly lightening. She patted the large hand still resting under hers comfortingly.
"I know you'll make the right choice, Jase," she murmured. "You're too basically honest and honourable to do anything else. And I hope you know that no matter what you decide, you'll have my—our support."
Jason summoned a slight smile and turned his hand around, grasping the slim fingers and kissed them lightly. "I know. Thanks."
"For what?" Kat wondered, blushing a bit at the unexpected caress.
"For listening. For not judging. For not telling me clichés like 'it'll all work out somehow'. For being a real friend," Jason enumerated. "It really helped that I could talk to you."
"Then I'd say 'mission accomplished', and you're very welcome," she smiled. "I'm glad I could help."
Now if I could only take my own advice...
~*~
"They broke up the next spring," Tommy reminisced. "Jase was feeling guilty over it for a long time, and not just because Emily wasn't taking it well at all."
"Why would Dad feel guilty?" Oliver wondered. "If their relationship had run its course it was the honest thing to do to say so..."
"He saw it as a personal failure—just like I did when Kat and I broke up. From the distance of hindsight and rational thinking, we both knew we did the right thing, but at the time... let's just say it wasn't an easy thing to deal with."
"I can see that," Jasmine mused. "When I think back to my first boyfriend back in New York... we split with a huge fight. It hurt like the dickens at the time, but at least there was a clear-cut reason why things didn't work out. To have things just fizzle, with no-one or nothing really to blame..."
"Exactly," Tommy concurred. "And it's even harder to find the right time, and the right words to end it. Because you know that the other is going to get hurt, no matter what, where, when or how."
"All things considered, the two of us didn't do too badly when we reached that point," Kat murmured with a nostalgic smile. "At least we realized it was mutual, and we were able to remain friends."
In the scrapbook was a ticket stub and a program to a theater in New York; next to them was a photograph of Kat in tutu and toe shoes.
"That’s from the summer I was a member of the Royal Academy's corps de ballet and we toured the States," Kat explained, sighing wistfully.
"You were pretty awesome," Tommy said staunchly.
"You got to see Mom dance?" Lynne asked.
"Once, in New York."
"But how? Weren’t you on the road most of the summer back then?" Jay queried.
"An amazing series of coincidences brought that about," he answered her. "You know, that was the only regret Jason ever had: he never was able to see Kat dance professionally."
"Why do you look so sad, Aunt Kat?" Trini questioned, noticing her soon-to-be-stepmother’s melancholy expression.
"That was the summer a lot of old dreams died," Kat murmured.
"It was after the performance in New York that she and I broke up," Tommy elaborated quietly.
~*~
Tommy used his fork to absently stir the pasta around on his plate. When he took a bite, he didn’t even taste his food. His eyes were down, regarding his dinner blankly; he couldn’t bring himself to glance up at his date, lest she see the turmoil in his soul.
It was a series of coincidences that brought him to this homey Italian restaurant in New York. Kat had written to tell him that she had a part in the corps de ballet during the Royal Academy's summer tour of the States. She was so excited; this was her first professional performing experience. It was what she’d been working for ever since she went to London.
She had given him a list of the tour stops, and it turned out they were going to be a little over an hour’s drive from each other in July. She was going to be in New York, and he was going to be at the Poconos Raceway for the Pennsylvania 500 at the same time.
Of course, the show had been sold out for weeks; Tommy doubted he’d be able to get tickets at such a late date. However, and old friend of his father’s had called, and when his dad mentioned his dilemma, the guy said he had one he wasn’t going to use because his wife was out of town for that performance.
The last event conspiring to get him and Kat together was his uncle contacting an old Army buddy; they always got together whenever John had the team in the area. The man was able to get reservations to a great restaurant that’d be open after the late shows closed for the night. He and John gladly turned the reservations over to Tommy, and John gave him the night off.
The ballet had been... all right, but Kat had looked fantastic! She seemed to float across the stage with the grace and poise of a prima ballerina, not just a dancer in the corps. He beamed with pride at her accomplished performance, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away whenever she was on stage. However, when she wasn’t on stage....
He’d never been a big fan of ballet, or classical music... really, any type of artsy stuff; although, he wasn’t a total barbarian. One couldn’t go to Angel Grove High without gaining some appreciation for art and culture. Still, sometimes it felt like he was too uncouth to properly appreciate them. He found the Arts very—intimidating.
That was probably oversimplifying the matter, but he couldn’t explain it any better. He was capable of understanding the dancers’ physical accomplishments. He had a frame of reference for the skill and dedication, the sacrifice and hard work that went into their performance, but it was like he couldn’t move beyond the mechanics to the art.
Hopefully, none of that showed in his face when he met Kat at the stage door afterwards and had given her pink roses. The way her eyes lit up and her face glowed made sitting through the entire ballet worth it.
He had swept her off to the restaurant without further ado as the corps had a curfew. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with her; he wanted to try and recapture the magic of their relationship.
When they’d seen each other again at Christmas, Tommy had done his best to make it up to Kat for the way they had parted in August. In spite of the calls and letters, he had still felt guilty about that. For New Year's he had taken her skiing at the resort in the mountains. After a day on the slopes, they’d spent a quiet, cozy evening in the lodge in front of a roaring fire. As they snuggled before the huge stone hearth, he resolved to do a better job of working at their relationship.
However, with the holidays gone and their schedules back to normal, his resolution became little more than a good intention. They continued to call and write—his letters full of racing anecdotes: the thrill of speeding around a tight turn, the skill of maneuvering through traffic on the straightaway, the satisfaction of out-thinking an opponent, the rigors of being on the road.... Sometimes, he wished he had more to talk about... could tell her about the places he had seen, but he never seemed to see more than the track\ and the rest stops in between.
In contrast, Kat’s letters were full of classes and studies and the things she’d seen and places she and her classmates had visited when time permitted: an outing to a museum, spectacular gardens, a trip across the Channel—nothing elaborate as she was on student’s budget—but her letters and calls were filled with wonderful descriptions and things of interest and significance and they made him feel....
That was difficult to categorize. Sometimes he wished he could be there with her and see and do all that she talked about. Other times, it made him feel as if he wasn’t a part of her world. It seemed as if their efforts only served to widen the chasm between them instead of bringing them closer.
He didn’t want to think about that. He wanted them to enjoy their evening. With them both on the road this summer, they probably wouldn’t see each other again until Christmas—if Kat wasn’t with yet another touring production.
He had gleaned that little tidbit from the stream of excited chatter with which Kat had deluged him almost from the moment they left the stage door. He was happy to see her so animated, so thrilled with what she was doing. This was her dream, after all, but it was a world, he was beginning to see, that he didn’t fit into. Oh, he knew what it was like to be constantly on the road and the strain it engendered, but that’s where the similarities ended.
The world of ballet was her world, and he was totally lost in it.
"Tommy, is there something wrong?" Kat queried, interrupting his train of thought.
All evening long, her boyfriend had seemed unusually distracted. She hadn’t really noticed during the cab ride from the theater; she’d been too flushed with excitement to notice. Having Tommy there, the beautiful flowers, the thrill of dancing in New York.... However, since being shown to their table, he had been unusually quiet, answering only in monosyllables when he answered at all.
Tommy really didn’t want to be the one to bring it up. Lord knows he didn’t want to hurt Kat any more than he already had. She deserved better from him. She had healed his heart after Kimberly had been forced to break it. She’d risked her life trying to break Prince Gasket’s hold over him. She’d been patient and understanding as she waited for their love to blossom. She didn’t deserve this, but he could no longer deny what he’d known for a while but was too stubborn to admit. The words really needed to be said.
"It isn’t working; is it, Kat," he ventured, doing his best to keep his pain and disappointment out of his voice.
Kat’s first impulse was to ask, ‘What isn’t working'. However, the trouble was, she knew exactly what Tommy meant. Her constant stream of chatter had masked her anxiety over the decision she had made.
"You mean our relationship," she clarified, feeling a bit numb. That was the same conclusion she’d drawn, but somehow, hearing Tommy say it was a shock to the system.
"Yes."
Truth be told, she’d been expecting this day to come. They had needed to discuss the direction of their relationship a long time ago. Absence hadn’t made the heart grow fonder; it had made it grow forgetful. Through all the phone calls and letters, it was as if she could actually see the gulf widening between them, and she no longer knew how to bridge the gap..
"It’s like we’ve grown so far apart that we don’t know each other any longer," Tommy continued.
She had to agree. Their shared pasts aside, they really didn’t have a lot in common any longer. When she thought about it, she shared more with Jason in their platonic friendship these days than she did with Tommy in their romantic relationship.
Kat studied Tommy’s expression and saw how much it cost him to bring this up. She hadn’t really wanted to discuss this now... she had wanted to enjoy their brief time together, but this wasn’t something that could be done over the phone—and definitely not in a letter. But if not now, then when?
She thought about holding back and letting him say the words that would sunder their couplehood; she didn’t think she could be the one to end it. She didn’t want to be responsible for breaking the heart she’d helped to heal. He didn’t deserve to be dumped again.
Even more than that, she didn’t want to be the one to admit that their relationship—the one she’d dreamed of having—had failed. If she wanted to be brutally honest with herself, Tommy wasn’t the only one with his pride... with a need not to appear less than perfect. Admitting to failure—to having followed the wrong path—made her feel decidedly less than perfect.
However, looking at Tommy now, seeing that he’d abandoned the pretense of the perfect White Knight... seeing the painful honesty in his eyes.... She knew she couldn’t let him say the words alone, not when the feeling was mutual.
"We’ve tried...." Tommy went on, fumbling to find the right words to make this easier on her.
"I understand, Tommy," she said with a gracious smile, reaching out and touching his hand gently. There wasn’t any pain, just a heavy feeling of disappointment that things could have worked out a little differently. "We’ve tried, but it’s not working, and if we keep on trying we might end up damaging our friendship. I don’t want that."
"Neither do I," Tommy murmured, vastly relieved the feeling wasn’t one-sided.
"Maybe someday we’ll be together...." Kat began with a wistful expression.
"... just not right now," Tommy concluded.
~*~
"... and that someday is now," Tommy told Kat with a fond smile.
"We found where our hearts truly lay then—where they will always lie—but we’ve also learned that our hearts have room enough for each other as well," Kat concluded, and gave him a kiss—to a chorus of "aawwws."
"That tells us how you guys split up, and we know that Uncle Tommy was still in love with Aunt Kim at the time, but what about you and dad?" Jared wondered. "You guys had to start from scratch. How’d you do it with him in Angel Grove and you in London?"
"The secret to that is we were already halfway in love with each other; we just didn’t know it," Kat explained. "It took time for all of us to adjust to what was happening with us—it was a time in which a lot of changes occurred. Both personally and professionally."
"Yeah—for one thing, I decided to go into business with Rocky and Jase once I retired from racing," Tommy added. "It just made more sense financially, the money I could contribute helped them to really establish the business... besides, we all liked and trusted each other, so why not become partners?"
The children nodded thoughtfully. Over the years, their fathers' decision had worked out for the best; Red Dragon Dojo was now one of the most successful independent operations in the area, and provided well for the families. Of course, they'd never get rich, but... that wasn't the point of running a martial arts school, anyway. What counted was that they knew they provided quality instruction, and that they found satisfaction in the work they did.
Kat's blue eyes suddenly held a decidedly impish gleam. "There was another change your dad went through... something that we all thought would never happen," she grinned, winking at Trini.
"Oh? What was that?"
"Let me see..." Kat reached for the scrapbook and started leafing through the pages. "Kim swore she'd keep just one picture of this... just to show that she loved Tommy so much, she accepted his marriage proposal despite what he'd done to himself."
Tommy groaned melodramatically. "Do you really have to dig that up?"
Before Kat could reply, Jay piped up. "Oh yes, Dad, she does," he said firmly, lips twitching. "Judging by your reaction, it's something I really want to see now!"
There was vociferous assent from the others.
"Oh, go ahead then, if you must," Tommy grumped, hiding his smile. He didn't mind all that much, and it would help distract everybody from more painful memories.
"And here it is," Kat announced, turning the album around with a flourish so that everybody could take a good look. "Ta-dah!"
"I can’t believe you got your hair cut like that, Dad," Trini laughed, glancing at a picture of her father with his hair cut very short and styled to be spiky on top.
They needed a little levity after the heavy-duty conversation thus far.
"Your mother hated it," Tommy said with a grimace.
"She wasn’t the only one," Kat chuckled. "It just wasn’t you."
"What can I say? I was in need of a change," Tommy muttered, almost under his breath. He’d cut it shortly after their breakup.
"Jason told me Rocky had a field day with you that first time he saw you with it," Kat continued merrily....
~*~
"Hey, Tommy, when did you get ba- Good Lord! What did you do to your hair!" Rocky exclaimed as Tommy entered the dojo after the last class of the night. Red Dragon Martial Arts was jointly owned by Rocky, Jason and Tommy (who was due to join the teaching staff once his contract with his uncle was finished). Rocky jokingly referred to their operation as the Red Ranger School of Kicking Monster Butt.
"Nice to see you, too," Tommy muttered as he attempted to ruffle Rocky’s own short-cropped hair. He was still getting used to his own shorn locks. His hair hadn’t been this short since before high school.
"It’s quite a change," Jason murmured tactfully, picking up on the fact that Tommy was a little sensitive about the new cut. "It’ll take some getting used to."
"That’s an understatement!"
"So what’s with the new ‘do'?" Rocky wondered.
"I needed a change, and Uncle John’s been after me to lop off the ponytail. Said my helmet would fit better without it."
"Didja tell him you’ve been wearing helmets with it since you were sixteen?"
"What brings you home so soon? I thought you were supposed to be in Michigan," Jason continued, noticing that something about Tommy’s mood was a little off.
"We had to pull out of the Pepsi 400."
"What happened?"
The trio had been making their way towards the small office, and Tommy flopped down in a chair and blew out an exasperated breath. "My first big race and I totally choked."
"What do you mean?"
"Jack, Uncle John’s regular driver, got hurt and couldn’t drive at Watkins Glen. I filled in for him. I lost control in the first turn barely five laps into the race and crashed the car."
"Oh man...." Rocky gasped, full of concern.
"Are you okay?" Jason asked.
"Yeah, and nobody else was hurt...."
"That’s good," Rocky murmured.
"Eddie, our crew chief, says that it wasn’t my fault. The tie rod gave out—defective. It could have snapped with Jack in the car. Eddie said that Jack couldn’t have minimized the damage any better than I did...."
"So why are you so bummed out about it?" Jason wondered.
"Over-developed guilt muscle and insufficient memory," Rocky snorted, unable to resist the jibe. Jason scowled at him, and Tommy smiled wanly at the reminder of his well-known shortcomings.
"It really was mostly my fault," Tommy went on. "My mind wasn’t on the race."
"It was probably on Kat and what she’s going to do to you when she finds out what you did to your hair," Rocky teased, trying to interject a little levity into the conversation.
"Rocky...." Jason chided, feeling their friend’s humor misplaced at the moment.
"Kim was the one who’d have shot me for cutting my hair," Tommy reminded him, grateful for his partner’s efforts to make him feel better. "As for Kat, well... she was the reason my mind wasn’t on the race. But it doesn’t matter any longer what she thinks of my hair."
"What?"
"Tommy?"
"When I saw Kat in New York, we mutually decided that things weren’t working out the way we’d hoped, so we called it quits," Tommy explained.
"Whoa!" Rocky gulped.
"I’m sorry, bro," Jason said, just as stunned as Rocky. "I had no idea.... I’ve talked with Kat a few times since Christmas, and she’s never said a word about you guys having trouble."
Tommy shrugged. "I think it’s been brewing since Kat first went to London. We tried... it just wasn’t meant to be, I guess."
Jason rested a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, giving it a consoling squeeze. "You okay?"
Considering how badly he’d taken it when Kimberly broke up with him, it was a fair question.
"I will be. Even though it was for the best, it’s gonna take some time to adjust to, y’know."
"I know," Jason commiserated, his break-up with Emily being recent enough for him to know exactly what Tommy was going through.
"So, does this mean Kat is available?" Rocky asked oh-so-innocently but with an anything-but-innocent wiggle to his eyebrows.
"Rocky, I don’t believe...." Jason sputtered. How crass could the guy be?
Tommy, however, knew that Rocky wasn’t really serious—at least, he didn’t think so.
"DeSantos, Kat has too much class to be seen with the likes of you."
Rocky clapped his hand over his heart and staggered back as if wounded.
"Besides, I thought you had a girlfriend."
Rocky grinned sheepishly and shrugged, clueing them in that he had yet another ex-girlfriend.
"A guy can dream, can’t he?" Rocky mock-pouted. "At least, if I brought Kat home, I know Mama would approve of her."
Mama DeSantos’ negative opinions of her eldest son’s girlfriends was legendary.
Tommy was comforted by the business-as-usual banter; however, he found it strange that Jason hadn’t leapt in to take part in the give and take. His best friend was oddly silent.
"Seriously, though," Rocky continued, sobering somewhat, "would you really mind it if one of us asked Kat out or something?"
"Kat’s her own woman; she can date whoever she wants," Tommy said.
"But would it bother you?" Jason interjected at last.
Tommy stopped to consider. He hadn’t given it much thought. Maybe it would bug him, maybe it wouldn’t, but there was one thing he was certain of. "If one of you guys could make Kat as happy as she deserves, then you have my blessing."
The conversation might have lapsed into a thoughtful silence at this point, had Rocky not been regarding Tommy with a frown, tilting his head this way, then that as he scrutinized him.
"Now what?" Tommy huffed, praying it wasn’t another crack about his hair but knowing it was a vain hope.
"I think you’d better avoid open flames and inflatable objects until your ‘do grows out," Rocky said, a mischievous smile tugging at his lips.
Both Tommy and Jason rolled their eyes.
"You want to ask? I don’t think I can without throttling him," Tommy muttered under his breath.
"You’re gonna owe me for this," Jason whispered back. Aloud, he caved to the inevitable. "All right, I’ll bite. Why should he avoid flames?"
"Well, there’s so much goo on those spikes, they’d probably catch fire."
"And the inflatable objects?"
"Because they’re so pointy, they’d pop ‘em!"
~*~
Kat leaned over and quickly pecked Tommy on the cheek, much to his surprise.
"I never did thank you for telling Jason that he had your blessing," she explained. "Without it, I don’t think he’d have felt right pursuing a relationship with me."
"If Dad was ambivalent about asking you out—I mean, as more than a friend—how did the two of you get together?" Oliver asked, as fascinated as the women by now. At first, the men hadn't been all that enthusiastic when the photo albums came out and the reminiscing began, but what had been a rather boring activity when they'd been children was very intriguing now. Especially in light of how the two families would be joined at the source now, so to speak.
"Weren't you still in London when you started dating?"
Kat smiled. "Yes—but for once I was able to come home for my next-to-last midterm holiday in February of 2001. My father had accumulated a heap of frequent flyer miles, and offered to pay for the ticket. I didn't really feel like going anywhere else before my finals, coming home seemed like a good idea somehow, so I took him up on it. I'd just slept off my jet lag when..."
~*~
"Katherine! Phone!"
"What? Who is it?"
Kat took the receiver from her mother with a questioning look; who knew she was home from London? But Doris Hillard already was back on her way to the kitchen, preoccupied with dinner. With a shrug, the blonde held the plastic device to her ear. Really, the possibilities of the caller's identity were pretty slim; only her friends were aware of her schedule at all, and of them only one would be in Angel Grove right now. She felt her pulse quicken slightly.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Kat."
Bingo. That deep, warm voice was unmistakeable. A pleased smile lit up Kat's face.
"Hi, Jason. How are you, and how did you know I was home?"
His chuckle drifted into her ear. "Hey, you always have a vacation around this time of year, don't you? I checked my calendar, counted on my fingers, took a chance your Mom would know where you are... and got lucky. And I'm fine, thanks."
"That's good to know," Kat replied. At least one of them was okay then. She'd heard last year that Jason had finally broken up with Emily, and apparently he was over the experience. Not an easy thing to accomplish, as she well knew from her own recent past. If a couple living in the same town couldn't sustain a long-term relationship, what chance had she and Tommy had, separated by a whole ocean? Kat was very relieved that Jason, who felt things so deeply at times, seemed to have come out of it relatively unscathed.
As for herself, though... she just couldn't seem to shake a certain melancholy, caused in part by a still-lingering sadness over her break-up with Tommy, but also by her growing dissatisfaction with her chosen career path. Oh, she still loved dancing, no mistake about that, but the touring last year had been more strenuous than she'd anticipated. And there were other reasons, too, things she'd never dreamed of... with an effort, she gathered in her wandering thoughts and concentrated on her phone conversation.
"Was there any particular reason you called, or did you just want to chat a little?" she asked. Even if it was only the latter, it would be nice... very nice, actually... to talk to Jason in person again. He was a good listener, they'd visited a lot of the same places in Europe, he never seemed to get bored when she told ballet stories—they could even talk about a few sub-titled art house films they'd both seen. Kat, because she genuinely liked French romantic comedies, and Jason because he wanted to keep up the French he'd learned at the Peace Conference.
"Believe it or not, I do have a reason for once," he told her. "My classes were cancelled for today due to a budget meeting or something, and I thought I'd drive up the coast a ways. The weather report says it's going to stay nice and sunny all day, and the surf ought to be good. I'm in the mood to play in the water some... wanna come with?"
The thought was tempting, but...
"I don't know, Jason," Kat hedged. "I'm not really in the right mood to..." To do what? Play? Let herself be distracted from her problems? She couldn't rightfully say, so she trailed off, never finishing her sentence.
There was a brief pause, then Jason's voice changed from cheery to soft and comforting. "Kat... if it's about Tommy... he told me. About you guys breaking up, I mean. If you need to talk... I'm willing to listen."
That was exactly what she needed, Kat realized. Sure, she'd written Tanya and Aisha about it, and they had been very sympathetic in their replies, but it was different if you could unburden yourself face-to-face with a good friend. And Jason certainly was that. However, he was first and foremost Tommy's best friend. Could she trust him to be impartial?
The second she had that thought, Kat dismissed it as unworthy. He had never played favorites, not even among them. And it would do her good to tell her side to someone who knew them both, who had been there—who would understand.
"Besides, I owe you one," Jason broke into her musings. "You were there for me a year ago when I needed a willing ear for my troubles with Emily. The least I can do is return the favor, even if it's after the fact."
"That's true," Kat admitted. She allowed herself another moment of indecision while Jason waited patiently for her answer. At last, she mentally shook herself. "Oh, very well. If you're sure you don't mind..."
"Yes, I am. And there's no reason we can't talk on the beach, can't we?"
It seemed as if Jason was determined she was going to have fun, whether she wanted to or not. His tone was gently wheedling, and she could picture exactly the puppy-dog eyes he was probably making. It was a look all of her male friends had perfected. Laughing softly, Kat gave in gracefully.
"All right, you talked me into it," she mock-grumbled. "Just let me pack a beach bag."
"Great! I'll pick you up in... half an hour, say?"
That would give her barely enough time to hunt up her neoprene suit (a necessity, because even though California was having an unseasonably warm spell for February, the sea would still be winter-cold), but suddenly Kat found herself eager to get out of the too-silent house. Besides, Jason wouldn't mind waiting a few minutes if she needed them, she was sure.
"I'll be ready."
~*~
The beach was everything he'd promised her and more, and for a couple of hours, the two rode the near-perfect waves until they were exhausted. Laughing, they lugged their surf boards onto the beach and back to their blanket. As she reached for a towel to dry her hair, Kat realized that for this brief span of time, she'd truly been able to forget, to relax. She smiled to herself. Now the more serious part was at hand, the talking, but somehow she didn't mind; it just made her feel good inside to know she had someone to talk to at last.
A relieved groan from Jason made her peer out from under her towel. He was peeling the soaked wetsuit off his broad shoulders.
"Man, I'm always so glad to get out of these things! I know they're necessary for protection, but still... getting in and out is a total drag!"
"Especially out," Kat agreed, watching him unobtrusively—and with not-so-secret pleasure. She and Tanya had often indulged in ogling the guys like this while still at school; their male friends were an attractive bunch, after all, and they'd both agreed that no red-blooded girl could wish for better eye candy. And to see Jason practically strip before her very eyes was... mouth-watering.
Down, girl! she admonished herself, nearly starting to drool as the thick material slid down trim hips. To ensure a better fit of the suit, Jason was wearing tight black spandex briefs underneath instead of more loosely-fitting shorts. And they were wet, too, moulding tightly to his rear as he bent over to spread the suit out to dry. Every muscle, dip, bulge and crevice was clearly outlined. Kat suddenly found herself itching to touch him, to run her hands all over that glistening, smooth skin. No! This is Jason—your friend, fellow ex-Ranger, a guy you went to school with! You simply don't think of him that way! It didn't help; the sun-bronzed cut physique was just too tempting.
Oh my.
Confused and surprised at herself, Kat felt the blood rise in her cheeks. To cover her unexpected reaction, she turned away and angled behind her back for her own suit's zipper. The fabric cord attached to it proved elusive, though, and she exclaimed softly in dismay.
"Oh blast!"
Looking up, Jason recognized her difficulty at once.
"Problem reaching the zipper?" he asked with an understanding smile. "Here, let me help."
Before she could protest, he stepped behind her and deftly opened the closure from her neck to her hips. It was an action that he (and the others) had performed for her dozens of times; why was it that Kat suddenly felt a not-unpleasant shiver run down her spine that had very little to do with being wet, or the light breeze ruffling her long tresses?
The feeling intensified as Jason oh-so-helpfully folded the suit's flaps forward, baring her back and shoulders. Kat was wearing a perfectly ordinary swimsuit underneath, but she was all of a sudden excruciatingly conscious of the fact that her back was nearly totally naked... and that it would take less than half a step backwards for her to lean against Jason's equally bare chest. Why, she could even feel his body warmth radiating out towards her!
She couldn't remember ever feeling that way. Not even with Tommy. At least, not in public, and under perfectly ordinary, innocent circumstances.
Flustered and unaccountably excited, Kat shrugged the large hands off her shoulders as she took herself to task.
Nothing's happened. Jason isn't touching me other than as a friend. He is not interested in me that way. He's done this before. I am not interested in him that way. ('Liar!' a little voice inside her head she'd never heard before mocked. Kat ignored it.) I'm seeing things. I have to be! I need a friend, not a... a lover. More precisely, I need to get a grip! Now!
"Th-thanks," she murmured, swallowing to get rid of the sudden dryness in her mouth. "I can manage from here on."
To her relief—and secret disappointment—Jason immediately let her go.
"You're welcome," he said simply, turning away and busying himself with their boards. And surely it was her imagination that his voice had sounded huskier than normal.
~*~
For his part, Jason was extremely thankful to have a reason, however spurious, to turn his back on Katherine. He'd thought nothing of offering to help her with her suit; after all, he'd done so before, but for some reason peeling the heavy material off her shoulders had a very definite effect on him all of a sudden. A physical effect, to be precise.
It... it felt as if I was undressing her, he thought, fighting his body's reaction. I've seen her in a swimsuit before; why is this so different today?
He had no ready answer. And he wasn't sure he wanted one; too vivid was the memory of how her slender back emerged from the wetsuit under his clumsy-feeling hands, the sleek skin all rosy and smooth and looking so very, very touchable. It had taken all of his control not to bend down and kiss the spot directly between Kat's shoulder blades—the one where he knew she was ticklish from a time when helping her out of her suit had been an innocent endeavour.
Used to be ruthlessly honest with himself, Jason suppressed a groan. There's absolutely nothing innocent about the way I just felt, he realized. Oh man, I'm in trouble!
~*~
Thankfully for his peace of mind, Kat pulled a loose t-shirt over her swimwear. After a moment's consideration, Jason did the same—the shirt wasn't going to help his tan any, but it did cover a multitude of sins... like certain too-eager parts of his anatomy. Safely covered, he sank down on their blanket, accepting the can of soda Kat took from the cooler they'd brought. The mundane task of sipping his drink and munching on an apple soon restored his equilibrium, though, and Jason was able to ask Kat what was bothering her.
"So what exactly has you so bummed? Is it Tommy, the fact that the two of you broke up?"
"No," she replied without hesitation, then amended her statement. "Well... maybe a little. But I'm not carrying a torch for him, or anything; it's just that I'm still a little sad that it's over, you know? I invested a lot of myself into our relationship, and to realize it wasn't going to go anywhere, that it had just run its course..."
"It hurts, huh?"
"Yeah."
Jason gave her an understanding smile; he'd been in a very similar situation after he'd broken up with Emily.
"Just be glad you were able to remain friends," was all he said. His own parting with his girlfriend last year had been somewhat less than amicable. Not that they had quarrelled, exactly, but Emily had felt bitterly disappointed and hadn't hesitated to let Jason know it. A lot of harsh words had been said in the heat of the moment. So, even though they said their final good-byes civilly enough, there remained an unpleasant aftertaste that it had taken Jason weeks to lose.
"Oh, we are. Neither one of us hates the other, after all. It's just, at this juncture Tommy and I expect different things from life, and we couldn't make them mesh."
"I'm sorry," Jason offered sincerely.
"Don't be. But thanks anyway." Kat smiled briefly into his warm eyes, then looked away again, playing absently with a fold in the blanket. If that were only the sole reason why she was feeling so down!
"You're welcome."
Jason waited a few minutes, not wanting to pressure his friend, but he was perceptive enough of Kat's moods to know there was something else weighing on her mind. However, when she made no attempt to talk, just sighed softly once or twice, he decided that he needed to prod her just a little.
"Kat? I'm not trying to pry, but... is there something else that's wrong? You really seem upset about something..."
She gave him a considering look. Should she burden Jason with her problems? After all, she knew there was nothing he could do... except listen.
Maybe that's what I need, though; an impartial ear. I can't very well go to my parents with this; they supported my dream of becoming a dancer for so long, paid a great deal for my education, too... I don't want to disappoint them...and Jason's a good listener. Very well then.
Decision made, Kat cleared her throat. Instead of answering his question, she posed one of her own.
"Jase... when you decided to go into business with Rocky, how did you know it was the right choice for you? Your grades were good enough; you could have gotten into almost any college, taken up any career..."
He chuckled, slightly surprised by what he thought was something of a non sequitur. "I have no idea, really. I wanted to have my own karate school for as long as I can remember—becoming partners with Rocky seemed the next best thing, and that much faster. And as for other careers... when it comes down to it, in most jobs I'm even remotely interested in I'd end up behind a desk most of the time. Not for me, thank you very much. I need to do stuff, not just push paper."
"But why go to college at all, then? You could have joined him right after graduation."
"Yeah, I could have, and I did consider it, but with my business degree we can save on a bookkeeper, we're less likely to be cheated... besides, you know I've been teaching part time at his place from the start."
Kat nodded, seeing the sense in that. "You've had your karate instructor's license for a long time, haven't you?"
"Since I was fifteen, yes."
"Then why get an additional Phys. Ed. teaching degree? It's not as if you need it, and it took you out of the dojo for longer."
Kat seemed genuinely interested, so Jason explained. "Well, you see... there's no telling if ultimately the dojo will support all three of us, especially if we should ever get married and have families. Rocky's back might give out, Tommy or I could be injured or otherwise unable to go on, the economy might collapse... there's a dozen reasons why the business could fail. And if it does, I'll have something to fall back on, doing what I like—working with kids, teaching sports. It won't be my dream any longer, but a pretty good substitute. Or I could provide extra income, like Tommy has been doing so far."
"I never thought of that," the blonde dancer admitted, a trace of admiration in her voice. "It sounds as if you really thought it all through."
He shrugged, equally pleased and embarrassed at the implied compliment. "I had to. I don't want to have to crawl back to my parents, tail between my legs, and have to admit I've followed a pipe dream. They busted their butts for years to put up my college fund; it's thanks to them I can graduate with only minimal loans to pay off."
At his words, a shadow crossed the lovely features, and Jason stopped, suddenly alert. "Kat? What's wrong? Did I say something to make you uncomfortable, or...?"
Katherine sighed. "It's nothing."
"Yeah, right. You wouldn't look as if someone had just stolen your tutu if everything was fine and dandy," he chided gently, chucking a finger under her chin. "I'd have to be as dense as Bulk and Skull not to see that it's far more than 'nothing'."
She gave him a wan smile, fighting an impulse to snuggle against that broad chest and let Jason hold her, keeping her safe and warm until her troubles went away. Unfortunately, she knew life didn't work that way. "It's a pretty boring thing, really," she hedged.
"Why don't you let me decide that, hmm?" Jason cajoled with a wink. "Come on, you know you can tell me!"
She glanced at him from under her lashes, secretly grateful that he insisted. She really needed to unload. "If you're sure?"
"Yes, silly, I am," he stated firmly, "or I wouldn't have offered. Talk!"
Kat fidgeted for another minute, trying to find a place to start, then heaved a deep breath. "It... it's my career," she admitted softly. "I thought this last year, going on tour with the ballet, would be what I dreamed of, but... it isn't."
Jason nodded thoughtfully; he'd heard much the same from both Tommy and Kimberly. He thought he knew what was bothering his friend. "Being on the road so much, living out of suitcases can be rough, right?"
"Yes, although that's not all of it; I more or less knew what to expect. After all, Tommy complained often enough about it." Kat cracked a tiny smile. "It's more... I hadn't counted on the sheer rivalry going on among the troupe dancers, the intrigues, the outright and the hidden backstabbing... I thought the scholarship audition was already bad! 'Competition' doesn't even come close anymore," Kat sighed.
"Ouch."
She snorted lightly. "Yeah. What's more, while I like Europe, I don't really want to live there on a permanent basis—and job opportunities here are few and far between. Broadway is hopelessly crowded with talent, and I didn't study classical ballet to prance around half-naked on a Las Vegas stage, either."
The mere thought made Jason's throat tighten. "What?"
"That's about the only serious offer I had—to work as a show dancer. No thanks."
While part of him wanted nothing more than to see Kat in one of those provocative outfits, all feathers, a few sequins and lots of bare skin, another part knew that he'd try to punch out the lights of every guy who'd get to look at her like that. Surprised by the intensity of his reaction, Jason was uncomfortably aware that it was due to a good deal of possessiveness he was feeling towards his lovely friend.
She's mine!
Only, Kat wasn't—not really, anyway. But I sure wish she were—if not for Tommy.
Jason almost smacked his forehead. Tommy—or his relationship with Kat—wasn't an issue anymore. They'd broken up. And his best friend had practically given his blessing to any of them pursuing a relationship with her already, when Rocky had joked about asking Kat out. At the time, he'd assumed his misgivings about that were merely based on the fact that, friend or not, Rocky and Kat would be a mismatch personality-wise, but... what if it was more? For him?
Did he care about Kat as more than a friend?
I could, Jason realized. Easily. Heck, who am I kidding? I already do—have done so for a while, even. Now the question is, how does Kat feel about me? Would she be willing to let what we have grow and change? Can I take the chance she might say no?
Again, he had no answer. But this time, he wanted one. And he determined to find it.
Forcing his wayward thoughts back from his love life to Kat's more immediate problem, Jason gave her a comforting smile. "I don't blame you. Besides, it's not exactly as if there's a lot of job security in that kind of thing, is there?"
"No."
"There's really no opportunity to join a corps de ballet anywhere? What about Boston, Los Angeles, the other big cities with permanent theaters?"
Kat chuckled mirthlessly. "You think I haven't tried? I sent out a bunch of applications, even had a few interviews last summer while we were touring. Nothing. Wait, that's not precisely true. There were two offers, Chicago and Philadelphia, but... one place in effect told me that due to my height, which is slightly above average for a dancer, I'd be stuck in the chorus line for the duration of my contract. Now I don't mind paying my dues—I'm not that brilliant to get hired for leading roles straight out of the Academy—but I was hoping for the minor, supporting ones. Guess not.
"The other place was even worse. They said I might eventually graduate to getting featured parts, but... on a condition."
Her smile was bitter, and Jason found himself wishing that he could hug her, to smooth the unhappy frown off her forehead with a gentle kiss or two. But as that was out of the question, he confined himself to taking her restive hands in his and giving them a friendly squeeze.
"What condition, Kat?" A thought occurred to him. "Your interviewer didn't make any indecent proposals to you, did he?" The idea alone was enough to make his blood boil with anger.
"No, nothing of the sort. No personnel manager would dare; it's too easy to file sexual harassment charges these days."
"Then what was it?" Jason asked, genuinely curious now.
"I was told that I was 'too big'," Kat murmured, fresh humiliation at the comment making her blush. "In order to get hired, I was supposed to lose fifteen pounds, minimum." It did her a world of good to hear Jason's reaction, who, after a stunned minute, broke into incredulous laughter.
"They've got to be kidding, right? You have an excellent figure; there's no way anyone in their right minds would consider you 'big'," he scoffed. "What an idiot!"
"Thanks; I needed to hear that," Kat smiled, pleased by the compliment. "But it's nonetheless true."
Jason just shook his head. He'd never understood the obsession with weight a lot of performers seemed to share. Sure, it wouldn't do to gain, but where was the beauty in being all skin and bones?
"Will you be trying to lose that much weight?"
She sighed. "I can't. I've always had to watch my weight a little, more so since attending the Academy, but I know my body pretty well—it's impossible for me to slim down much more without downright starving myself or any other help." At Jason's questioning look, she elaborated. "Chemical help. Diet pills, emetics..."
"Good grief, Kat, you're not seriously thinking of taking that crap, are you?" Jason exclaimed, shock and sudden anger warring in his voice. "That's dangerous!"
"No, no, don't worry. I have better sense than that!"
He slumped in relief. "Good!"
There was an expression in his eyes that made her wonder... "Why are you so upset, anyway? You ought to know me better."
"I do," he replied, "but... I know how big a temptation this kind of thing can be."
"You do? How?"
"Not about diet pills, but anabolics, steroids... well, any kind of doping, really," Jason said succinctly. "I know it's not quite the same, but it's a close enough thing, I think. Not that it's a very big problem in the martial arts community; those who are really serious about it, who consider it more than just a sport, try to live up to the tenets. But it does happen, and there are enough unscrupulous coaches and competitors out there that you can't help but be aware of what's going on behind closed doors. There was one time... I was at a tournament, and struggling with a nasty cold. I was feeling pretty lousy, was worrying about my performance... anyway, long story short, one of the other participants, not in my weight class, offered me some pills. I really wanted to win, so... for a minute, I actually considered taking him up on it. Luckily, common sense kicked in, so I didn't."
Kat thought to herself that it was equal parts his sense of honor and basic decency that hadn't allowed Jason to cheat, but confined herself to a nod. A hitherto unknown part of her thrilled to the thought that this was yet another thing she shared with Jason; she couldn't imagine Tommy ever admitting to anything like that. He had this need to appear as perfect as possible at all times that could be rather exasperating. With a small sigh, she agreed with her companion.
"It's a temptation alright. Especially... what girl doesn't want to lose weight? But I consulted a nutritionist once; I'm really at the lowest point, weight-wise, that's safe for my health. And while I could never prove anything, I'm pretty certain at least a couple of girls in the troupe are bulimic already. I don't want to go down that road at all."
"Whew."
She had to laugh as he wiped an imaginary sweatdrop off his forehead, feeling better already for being able to talk to him and having found complete understanding instead of platitudes and an attitude of 'it's one of the hazards you have to live with if you want success' that she had gotten from the one older colleague she'd confided in.
"Yeah, well... being sensible doesn't solve my dilemma, though. I'm almost finished with my education, and not a bit closer to an idea what to do with it once I graduate this summer."
"I guess not."
Silence fell between them, but it wasn't uncomfortable; rather, it was a thoughtful stillness during which both mulled things over in their minds while subconsciously basking in their closeness. At last, Jason shook himself like a wet puppy.
"Let's take a walk, shall we? Maybe moving around some will help us get our brains in gear."
"Sure."
Kat was pleased and grateful that Jason so naturally made her problem his own; he might not be able to help her as such, but it was obvious that he'd willingly serve as her sounding board. Which was pretty much what she'd hoped to find, anyway.
~*~
Quickly, they stowed their surfing gear in Jason's car, slipped on their clothes and went back down to the beach, wandering off towards the rocky part of the shore. The Rangers had fought quite a number of battles there, and for a while, they both indulged in memories as they clambered around the wet stones.
Neither seemed to think it odd in any way that Jason took Kat's hand to help her over rocks she was perfectly able to negotiate on her own. It just felt too right to touch, to be close like this.
Eventually, they reached the small cove with the cave where they'd hidden Trey of Triforia after saving him from both drowning and Mondo's henchmen. Deciding to take a breather, they sat down on the sun-warmed sand behind a larger rock, and Kat looked at Jason with a small smile.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"Has moving around helped you any in coming up with ideas for my situation? I know it didn't work for me, unfortunately," she sighed, her good mood vanishing.
He shrugged helplessly. "Not really, sorry. I just don't know enough about ballet, the stage and so on to give you any concrete advice. I wish I could, but..."
Kat slumped despondently, her blue eyes slowly filling with tears. "Jason, I really am at my wits' end," she sniffled. "Maybe it's just graduation jitters, but lately I feel as if all of my dreams are vanishing into thin air one after the other. First there was the accident which cost me a chance at the Pan Globals, then we had to give up our Powers, lastly breaking up with Tommy... the only thing I had left was becoming a dancer. I truly believed I had it made at last; and now, six months from my goal, it's turning from a dream into a nightmare! Come fall, what am I going to do if I can't get a job I like?"
A lone tear slipped out and rolled slowly down her smooth cheek. It proved too much for Jason. Instinctively, he reached across the small distance separating them and drew Kat into his arms. Tucking her head against his neck, he held her as close as he could.
"Ah, don't say that, honey," he murmured soothingly. "You had very little influence on the first two—none of it was your fault. You and Tommy breaking up... according to him, it was a mutual decision, wasn't it?" She nodded mutely. "So again—not your fault. And as for your dancing...we just have to think harder. Or maybe change the way we look at things."
Still 'we', she marvelled. Not just me, but the two of us together. Like partners, friends...telling me with one little word that I'm not alone in this, that I'll have his help and support no matter what.
The thought was comforting, bracing... and thrilling. A strange mixture of emotions that had the blonde wondering what exactly she was feeling for Jason. And whether her feelings were changing maybe just a bit to something much deeper than they used to be up to now. Which seemed suddenly so very right, and fitting—as if it was something that had just been waiting to happen for a long time. And that thought was somehow scarier than her uncertainty about her future career.
What if he doesn't feel the same?
Katherine shied away from the idea, not wanting to know. Right now, she had to concentrate on her professional problems, not on her love life. Determinedly pushing her half-realized hopes as far back into her mind as they would go, she snuggled into his embrace, appreciating the feel of solid muscle surrounding her. Somehow, she felt safe now, warm and protected... anchored where before she'd been adrift. The soft rumble of Jason's low voice vibrated in his chest, adding to her comfort.
"But how?" she asked, a hint of desperation in her voice. "I've racked my brain until it hurt, and I'm still no closer to a solution."
"What about a backup plan? I mean, surely you must've thought about what you were going to do if things didn't work out. Like, what if you'd never gotten that scholarship? Or if you had injured yourself at school, or didn't make the grade. I can think of any number of things that might have gone wrong without it being your responsibility."
"Sort of. But only for after—y'know? Once I've had my career... I thought I might like teaching ballet. It's what a lot of dancers do if they get too old or are injured out of performing." She looked at him a bit sheepishly. "Maybe that makes me short-sighted, but I never imagined that I would not become a professional."
Jason smiled back reassuringly; he'd had that same attitude not too long ago, thinking himself invincible—believing that everything he ever wanted would be within his grasp if he only worked hard enough. But leading the Rangers had taught him that it always paid to have a Plan B. And nearly dying from losing the Gold Power had put things into perspective for him even more.
"It's only natural," he murmured. "But Kat... is there any reason you can't look at that plan now, instead of in the future someday? I seem to remember that you really liked working with the girls when we were still at school. And it looked as if you were pretty good at it, too."
Kat frowned. "I'm not sure. It's something you usually do only once you retire..."
"Says who?"
Baffled, she shrugged. "Well... everybody, I guess..." Even to her own ears, Kat knew how lame that sounded.
Jason looked down at her just a bit sternly. "Everybody is not you. If what you thought you wanted doesn't turn out right, why shouldn't you consider other options, even if it's not the way 'they' usually do things? This is your life, Kat, not everybody else's."
"I know," she whispered, blushing. She hung her head, just a tad ashamed, but to her relief found that her friend wasn't pushing her away, that Jason held her just as securely as before. She also realized at the back of her mind that she liked being held by him. Far more than she possibly should, but there was no way she was moving from where she was.
Another silence fell, during which Jason patiently waited for Kat to think over what they'd just discussed. He wasn't disappointed; after only a couple of minutes, she raised her eyes to his once more.
"That's what you meant earlier, isn't it?" she murmured, a sense of dawning understanding in her voice. "About changing the way I look at things."
"Uh huh."
"Teaching ballet... I'd have to take more classes in choreography, some instruction in the physiological aspects of dancing, learn how to deal with a classroom situation... it would mean at least a year or so at a conservatory or college," she mused out loud, getting excited despite herself. It wasn't what she'd always imagined she'd be doing in the near future, but it was at least an option where she had had none before. "But where would I apply? And how can I ask my parents to support me financially for even longer than they already have?"
The dark-haired young man smiled reassuringly at her. "Your folks never struck me as being unreasonable; don't you think that if you honestly told them about your misgivings, they wouldn't understand?"
"No, of course they would."
Jason grinned and winked. "I thought so. And as for which school to choose... have you forgotten that Angel Grove has a Conservatory? Surely you could live at home again for a while, cutting down on expenses..."
"...and maybe student-teach or something, to earn a little extra or cut down on tuition fees," Kat realized, getting caught up with the whole idea. This might just work! "After all, my degree from the Royal Academy should count for something!"
"It should," Jason agreed with a twinkle in his eyes. He felt inordinately pleased that it seemed as if he'd been able to help Kat, after all. "Will you at least think about it?"
"Oh, definitely," Kat promised, feeling a huge load slowly lift from her mind. "I have to graduate first, though, talk things through with my parents, look into the possibilities at AGC... oh my, there goes the rest of my vacation," she wailed comically.
Jason chuckled. "Better it go that way than you spend it worrying about your future."
"Yes, much better," Kat agreed fervently. "Thank you for helping me—for opening my eyes," she said, impulsively angling upwards to kiss Jason on the cheek. Only, as it happened, he shifted position when she did, turned his head just a fraction more towards her than she'd reckoned with, and instead of an innocent peck like they had shared countless times, their lips brushed against each others'.
It was electrifying.
Kat's eyes snapped open wide and she gasped softly. Jason froze into a living statue, his mouth hovering only a fraction of an inch above hers. Breaths mingled, and hearts began to beat like triphammers as two pairs of eyes locked. The expression in the midnight-dark depths shook Kat to her core, and a tiny sound escaped her—part moan, part denial... and part surrender.
Hope suddenly surging high, Jason took what he would later think of as the biggest chance in his lifetime and closed the distance between them. Whisper-soft, his lips touched Kat's once more, and when she didn't protest he could feel his blood sing until he was dizzy with triumph and gratitude. After a second's hesitation, she melted into the kiss, becoming pliant in his arms as her lids fluttered shut and she gave herself up to the tender caress.
Only the need for oxygen managed to separate them at last. Easing back slightly, reluctance in every line of her body, Kat flushed a delicate pink. Jason wouldn't let her retreat too far; he still cradled her in one arm while he freed one hand to gently brush through her hair.
"Wow," he murmured huskily, eyes glowing.
"Mmm," Kat replied in a dreamy tone, feeling her lips still tingle.
Jason's delighted chuckle vibrated through her as he took the inarticulate sound for consent and kissed her again, much longer and more thoroughly this time. Kat offered no resistance, was indeed meeting him more than halfway as she threaded her arms around his shoulders and just felt.
An untold time later, she found herself draped sideways across Jason's lap, her forehead resting against his throat while he dusted tiny kisses on her hair.
"What's happening to us?" she queried, slightly dazed. "We're friends; friends don't kiss each other like we just did..."
"They do when they start to fall in love with each other," Jason replied, his deep voice more gentle than Kat had ever heard it. "Because I have, you know." The low rumble soothed, but the meaning of his words excited her beyond bearing. Wide-eyed with wonder, she glanced up at him.
"L-love?" she stammered. "Y-you're falling in l-love with m-me?"
"Yes."
"Oohh."
A slight frown creased Jason's forehead. Had he misread Kat's compliance?
"You don't mind, do you?" he asked worriedly.
Slowly, Kat shook her head. "I don't think so. No."
He slumped in relief. "Whew. For a second there, I thought..."
Tenderly, she touched his cheek. "Jason, I could never be anything but pleased and honoured that you feel so about me. Thank you. You've given me a gift I never expected, and I am truly touched. But..." Kat paused, momentarily undecided. Should she spoil this wonderful moment with misgivings? Then, she firmed her resolve. Jason was her friend; he deserved total honesty from her—and she wouldn't cheapen whatever was between them with anything less.
"But what?"
Kat sighed softly, wistfully. Smiling to take any sting out of her words, she said what she felt she must.
"Jase, I care deeply about you. Please, never doubt that. And..." she blushed slightly, remembering her earlier reactions towards him, "... I believe it can become more. Much more. But right now, I need to get my life in order first; make decisions about my job, my future. I think I'd like it a great deal if that future included you, but...I need time to sort everything out. I can't—no, make that I won't—make such an important choice without weighing all the possibilities."
Jason swallowed his disappointment. Kat was right—she had enough on her plate just now, and by rushing things, he was complicating her life unnecessarily. No matter how much he wanted to claim her as hers, he'd have to give her space.
"Fair enough," he sighed. "I don't have to like it though, do I?"
"No. And I'm not blowing you off, dearest," she whispered, smoothing his eyebrows with a dainty fingertip. "All I'm asking for is some time. I don't want to hurt you. Ever."
He ventured a small, rueful grin. "I know you don't. Same here. Sorry if I've made it more difficult for you."
"You haven't. If anything, you've given me an extra incentive to decide," Katherine murmured. "But I need to graduate first. Can you wait until summer?"
"I'll have to, won't I?"
"I'm afraid so."
"Then I'll wait," Jason replied simply, firmly. "You're worth it."
"Thank you." She reached up and drew the dark head down into another, very sweet kiss that was both a promise and good-bye. For now.
~*~
Kat groaned as she tried pushing her heavily-loaded baggage cart towards the customs exit. Even with the bulk of her belongings having been shipped home as cargo, she still had two large suitcases and three smaller bags to maneuver.
She'd graduated with honors from the Royal Academy, and was returning to Angel Grove to start a year or so of extra studies at the Conservatory to become a dance teacher. Ultimately, it had been easier than she'd thought it would be to give up her erstwhile dream of becoming a ballerina—more so as her instructors had heartily approved of her plans, telling her she had a real gift for teaching that was more valuable than trying to compete for the few openings at good ballet companies.
At last, her baggage was checked. With an effort, Kat set the cart to moving again and pushed it through the heavy metal sliding doors. She moved along the cordoned-off corridor, towards the waiting area. Already she could see the happily-smiling faces of her parents waiting for her. Quickening her step, she let herself be swept up into their arms, answering questions, babbling excitedly how glad she was to be back again... until she happened to look over her mother's shoulder and saw a broad-shouldered figure leaning against the far wall.
Short dark hair, sculpted torso clad in a tight black polo shirt, stone-washed jeans moulded to lean hips... and a pair of eyes looking at her with a mute question and a great deal of hope.
"Excuse me for a minute, Mum," she interrupted her mother and disengaged herself from her motherly hug. "There's someone I need to see." Taken aback, Doris Hillard let go of her daughter.
"Of course, baby, who..."
Kat didn't even hear her question. Slowly, she walked towards Jason, who straightened as she approached him.
"Hello," he murmured, feasting his eyes on her slender loveliness. How he'd missed her these past few months!
"Hi," Kat replied softly, not trusting her voice to remain steady. She hadn't dared hope he'd come, although she knew now she'd wanted nothing more.
"I was wondering... maybe you could need someone to help with your luggage," he offered neutrally.
"I sure can," Kat answered, feeling her heart soar as she basked in his nearness. When Jason smiled just a bit uncertainly, her last faint doubts vanished. Feeling her cheeks heat up, she nevertheless gathered her courage and met his eyes fully. "I also need you for far more than your strength," she whispered.
"Oh? What would that be?" Jason wanted to know, his pulse speeding up to an impossible tempo. Was his dream coming true, after all?
Kat let her smile blossom, letting it spread over her face as happiness suffused her. Boldly, she put a hand on Jason's chest, feeling his heart beat under her palm. Without asking, she knew it pulsed for her.
"I need you as my friend and my confidant. You've become my advisor and my rock. I need you like I need air to breathe... and I can't imagine my life without you," she confessed.
"Are you sure?" Jason asked, suddenly breathless.
"Completely," Kat answered, letting the truth ring in her voice.
Dark eyes ignited with a fire that both warmed and scorched. She sank willingly into his fierce embrace, and when they found each other in a kiss full of love and passion, Katherine knew that of all the choices she'd made these past few months, this was the most right of all.
She had come home at last.
~*~
"During the last few months I spent in London, we wrote to each other regularly—one long letter a week," Kat reminisced, smiling.
"You mean, ink on paper?" her youngest son wanted to know. "How archaic, Mom!"
"Don't put it down, Jared," his mother chided gently. "I still have those letters, and the fact that Jason wrote them by hand, that he had touched every single sheet, makes them an even more precious memento."
"You don't get that from email printouts," Lynne agreed, a bit misty-eyed. "I think it's very sweet, especially since you had to wait over a week for replies."
"Oh, we had contact in between," Kat revealed with a nostalgic smile. "Every Sunday of our separation, Jason called me at eight o'clock in the morning. Never for long, because of the high transatlantic call charges, but he did spend maybe $5 each week."
"Ugh, why so early? Didn't you ever want to sleep in?"
"It was most convenient for both of us; 8am Sunday in London is Saturday midnight here in California. After the first month, I lived for his calls. And Jason never failed. It was more than worth waking up for."
"Dad the Romantic at work?" her daughter smiled.
"Very much so. We basically dated by phone until I came home for good. And when he kissed me at the airport... I didn't need to hear the actual words. I knew, just by looking at him."
"Knew what, Mom?" Oliver asked, although he had a pretty good idea. This memory stuff was getting good!
Kat's blue eyes grew distant as she lost herself in the past again for an instant.
"We were in love."