Washington Post Deftinitions
The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries:
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Bustard (n.), a very rude Metrobus driver.
Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Marionettes (n.), residents of Washington, D.C. who have been jerked around by the mayor.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:
Here are some recent winners:
Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.