Six:
"Hey, Kim," Jason greeted as he found the table in the corner of the campus commons. Summer was gone and the semester was in full swing. The two had taken to studying together once a week. As he pulled up a chair, Jason noticed his companion's dispirited expression. "Is something wrong?"
"Not really," she sighed heavily. "Tommy called last night."
Jason gave his friend a sympathetic smile. Tommy's visits had been fewer and farther between this past summer than Kimberly was used to. In fact, ever since the wild weekend of their menage a trios... it was enough to make one wonder; however, Tommy's first big win had followed hot on the heels of that weekend as well. They had all road-tripped to Vegas as a surprise and, according to John, he had never seen Tommy drive as well as he had that afternoon.
"Bad news?" he asked.
"The way the races are scheduled, he isn't going to get a chance to come home for a while," she answered glumly.
"The time will pass before you know it," Jason assured her. "School and work will keep you busy."
Though not busy enough, he had to admit. At times, school, work and karate weren't enough to keep him from thinking about Emily and how much he missed her... how much it still hurt even after all this time.
"I still miss him," Kim sniffled. She knew she was being silly, but she couldn't help herself. In the past year, she and Tommy had been closer than ever. Nothing was quite the same without him around.
Jason reached across the table and gave her hand a squeeze. "Look at it this way. The season will be over in mid-November. Then he'll be home for good."
"Will he?" she asked bleakly. "Ever since his win in June, he seems more committed to racing than ever."
She had a point. Tommy was a fierce competitor, and while he always gave everything his best, victory never failed to spur him on to new heights. Since his Vegas win, Tommy had spent more time at the track and less time at home with his fiancé. At one point, Kim had jokingly suggested becoming a grease monkey just so she could see the man she was going to marry.
"He'll be home, Kim," Jason responded with conviction. "Ever since you came back into his life, Tommy has been turning back to the things he's always loved. And he's as committed to the dream of opening a dojo as I am."
"Still, I've often wondered if he sees racing as a way to hang onto a part of his past," Kim offered.
"In what way?"
"Wasn't his last Zord, Red Lightning, very much like a stock car? Maybe he sees racing as a way of recapturing the excitement of being a Ranger."
"You know he was never in it for the excitement," he chided her. "None of us were."
"True, but don't you ever miss being a Ranger? The rush of morphing? The thrill of commanding the Zords? I know I do," she confessed. "There are times when I miss the CraneZord so much that I'm tempted to have my Uncle Steve give me lessons just so I can fly again."
Jason couldn't argue with that, but then his Zords never really had a civilian counterpart the way Kim and Tommy's did.
"Anyway," Kim resumed, "with Tommy getting more wins now and earning decent prize money, John's talking about moving him up to the Busch Grand National series next season with an eye towards the Winston Cup series. How can he walk away from all that?"
"He would if you asked him. You mean more to Tommy than anything else in his life—including me." His last bit provoked a smile, but it faded quickly.
"I know, which is why I won't ask him. He has to leave of his own free will with no regrets—like when he retired from the Rangers," she asserted. A moment passed, then she sighed longingly once again. "Is it Thanksgiving yet?"
Jason simply laughed.
"What else did Tommy have to say?" he went on.
"That he misses both of us," she began, a trifle hesitant. Her table-mate prompted her with an inquiring look. "And if 'things' become truly unbearable for me, he'd have no objection if I turned to you for satisfaction."
That left Jason speechless. It sounded very much like Tommy was giving them the green light to have sex together if they so wanted. He let out a slow, steadying breath.
There had been little time for the three of them to address all the issues dealing with what had taken place between them before Tommy had to leave. Pretty much, he and Kimberly had been left to work things out on their own. However, Kim had assured him that she and Tommy had had several extended conversations about it over the phone since his departure. During those first couple of weeks, he and his friend-now-lover did have a few awkward moments, but they had eventually reached a point where they could look each other in the eye without blushing. Since then, though, they hadn't really talked about it.
Now, it looked like they were going to have that overdue conversation. Was he interested in being intimate with Kimberly again? He certainly had had no compunction about it that afternoon. He felt his pulse quicken as the memories surged back. They had done plenty of wild things... Kim and him doing Tommy together had only been the beginning. Scarcely had they caught their breaths when Tommy had engaged him in a sixty-nine, then Kim got in the act. Ultimately, he had wound up in the middle of the couple (an experience that defied description), and later, as they were cleaning up in the shower, he and Tommy had made a Kimberly sandwich. They had tried a little bit of everything that afternoon and had sex until they were too sore and tired to move. And he had enjoyed every minute of it.
But that was then. This was now.
"So, what did you tell him?" he asked, curious to know how Kim felt about the matter before he offered his own opinion.
"I couldn't, Jason," she said. "Not without Tommy being here, too. It'd be like cheating on him. I hope you're not too disappointed."
"Not at all," he assured her, very much relieved. "I don't think I could without him here, either."
"And I really wouldn't want to try explaining this to Jan," Kim murmured ruefully.
Jason winced. "Man, I can't believe Tommy's folks caught us."
"It's my fault; I should have remembered to shut the door after I shoved you in the bed with Tommy," she apologized. She very vividly recalled the gasp of, "Oh. My. Lord." She hadn't given if much thought at the time. Of course, she'd been preoccupied with mounting Tommy's lap. Mrs. Oliver, however, had picked that moment to walk by, having arrived home from work early. She had been the one to shut the door, and then she and Thomas had made themselves scarce for the rest of the evening, confronting Kim and Tommy long after Jason had gone.
"Even if you had closed it, we weren't exactly being quiet," he sighed. No, they hadn't been exactly careful. He and Tommy hadn't anticipated Kim showing up when she had, and none of them even considered the Olivers coming home. "When you guys first told me, I had serious doubts I'd ever been about to face Tommy's folks again. I'm just surprised they haven't said much about; I figured they'd have had plenty to say—or at least Mrs. Oliver would."
"Oh, she did," Kim answered with a mirthful twinkle in her eye. "You weren't there for the Spanish Inquisition."
"Although," he mused thoughtfully, "really, what could she say? After all, we're consenting adults."
"Jan acknowledged that... immediately followed by a but...."
Jason cringed much as he imagined Kimberly and Tommy had at the time.
"She wasn't angry," Kim continued. "Shocked, but mainly concerned. Did we know what we were getting into? Were we being careful? Did we use protection? Had we considered the emotional ramifications?"
"If it had been my folks, Mom would have been in tears wondering where she'd gone wrong, and Dad would have been in denial," Jason snorted. "I take it Mr. Oliver didn't have much to add."
"I really couldn't say. He pulled Tommy aside for a private chat, leaving me with Jan."
"Did she grille you?"
A sly smile tugged at Kim's lips. "I never gave her the chance. I had the feeling she was going to lecture me about allowing Tommy to talk me into something I wasn't really interested in, so I simply blurted out that it was my idea and began gushing about how incredible everything had been. Even if she could have gotten a word in edgewise, she was too stunned to say anything!"
Mrs. Oliver, speechless? That was quite an accomplishment. "I'm just glad they never mentioned it to my parents," he said.
"Thomas said that what you told your parents was your business."
"It's not that I'm ashamed of what we did," he hastened to say, "it's just that after everything my cousin went through with his coming out...."
"Jase, if you don't want to tell anyone, you don't have to. Tommy and I won't think anything of it," Kim assured him. "Lord knows I haven't said a word to my folks. And Tommy wouldn't have told his parents if they hadn't caught us." She paused, trying to find the right way to phrase her next words. "But the time may come when you feel you have to share this with someone. In certain situations, this is a secret that could cause a lot of hurt. Just know that Tommy and I are behind you on this; we know you wouldn't share this with someone you didn't completely trust."
"Thanks." He hadn't imagined that the pair would tie his hands, but it was nice to have that gesture of trust.
"Tell me something," Kim pursued after a moment's thoughtful silence. "Have you ever found your answers to why you made love with Tommy?"
"Not entirely," he confessed, "but I think I may have figured out a major part of it."
"Will you tell me?"
He nodded. "After all, I have you to thank for the insight."
"Me?"
"Uh huh. Do you remember telling me that you and Tommy had been concerned that my first sexual experience be a good one?"
"Yes," she replied. "Tommy had heard a lot of talk from the guys on his uncle's crew—and from other places– that lots of times, your first time isn't all that great. It's too rushed. You don't know what you're doing. You're too nervous and scared... that sort of thing. For Tommy and me, our first time was really wonderful, and he always hoped yours would be, too. That's all."
"While I wasn't aware of it consciously at the time, that was a large part of what was behind my decision to go ahead with Tommy," Jason said. "I'd been thinking about what my cousin had told me about his experiences, and I didn't want Tommy to go through the same things. It'd be hard enough for him to reach out to another guy, let alone find one who could truly appreciate him for who he is and accept you as a part of him. I guess I felt the only way I could make sure that he wouldn't be hurt—emotionally– was if I was the first one he reached out to."
"That's very generous of you, but I hope it wasn't just duty or protectiveness that motivated you," Kim murmured.
There were emotions, too. I know I couldn't have done this with just anyone. There's no one I'm closer to than Tommy."
"I just had to be sure," she said. She nibbled at her lower lip contemplatively. "Do you think you'll ever want to be with Tommy again?"
He gave her words due consideration before responding. "I honestly don't know. Over the last couple of months I've found myself re-evaluating what I've always believed of my sexual orientation. I've been asking myself, does Tommy turn me on? Do I find other men attractive? The answer is still no, but at the same time, I still think what Tommy and I did was awesome." He smiled ruefully. "I'm not making much sense, am I?"
Kim reached over and patted his hand.
"You didn't say much when I told you what Tommy said about us sleeping together," she pursued. "Do you ever regret having slept with me, too?"
"No," he answered immediately, "but I'm not sure I want to do it again." At her stunned, hurt expression, he chuckled and quickly elaborated. "That has nothing to do with you, Kim. Honestly. It's just me. Love and sex aren't things I take lightly. I've never been into casual sex—and believe me, there was nothing casual about what the three of us did. But that was something special. I believe in waiting for marriage—or at least waiting until I've met the woman I know I want to spend the rest of my life with, like you and Tommy did."
The problem was, he had already met her, and she had walked away from him.
"Have you heard anything from Emily?" Kim asked gently.
"No. Not for months," he replied dejectedly. "It's like she's fallen off the face of the earth."
"She'll be back, Jase," the brunette declared with conviction. "I'm as sure about this as I was that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Tommy the day I met him."
"But you had your doubts there for a while," Jason pointed out.
"I'd all but given up, but it still happened," she asserted. "And it will happen for you and Emily."
"And why is that?"
"She will never find another man who will love her the way you do," Kim remarked as if the answer were self-evident. "Just don't be as blind and stubborn as Tommy and I were."
"Perish the thought," he snickered, recalling his words to Tommy on the matter.
"It'll work out; you'll see," she reiterated brightly.
"I wish I had your faith, but thanks for the pep talk," he sighed in conclusion. "Now, I don't know about you, but I have homework to finish," he said, concluding the soul-searching portion of their conversation.
"Same here," Kim agreed, returning to her notebook even as Jason got started on his accounting assignment. "I have this paper to write...."
Her voice trailed off in surprise, but Jason seemed not to have noticed. Kimberly's gaze darted to her companion, now-intent on his homework, then back to what had caught her eye a second ago. She hadn't been mistaken.
"Omigosh! I just remembered," she began as she hastily gathered up her books. "I have to get to the library; there's this book I have to have for my paper. I'm sorry, Jason, but...."
"No problem," he assured her, understanding. "I'll catch you next week, if I don't see you on campus sooner."
"You're a sweetheart," she gushed as she gave him a friendly peck on the cheek. Then, she dashed off.
"I wonder what that was all about," Jason mused with a shrug.
Kimberly made a bee-line for the entrance to where she'd glimpsed the figure hanging back in the doorway.
"He's all yours," Kim said brightly.
"How did you...?" the blonde stammered, regarding her with wary amazement.
The brunette merely shot her a look that said, don't be dense.
"Are you sure?" the other woman asked hesitantly. "He may not want to talk to me."
"Then he'd be a bigger fool than Tommy," Kim asserted. "Do you really want to talk to him?"
"Yes."
"Then go for it." Before she left, Kim rested a hand on her companion's slender shoulder. "Good luck, and be happy."
"Thanks."
Kimberly bounded off, grinning from ear to ear. She had a phone call to make.
Jason was so engrossed in his calculations (wishing it wasn't necessary to take business classes to run a dojo) that he wasn't aware that anyone had wandered over, until he felt a diffident touch on his arm.
"Jason?" a tremulous voice greeted.
The dark-haired young man looked up in astonishment.
"Emily," he gulped.
"C-can we talk?"
His former girlfriend looked at him with a liquid gaze brimming with hope. His heart soared.
"Of course," he agreed, and he gathered up his books. He ushered her from the commons, leading her to some place where they could talk privately.
To be continued in Secrets III
E-mail: kittiec@starpower.net