Cucumbers Are Better Than Men Because....
By Austin Power Ranger, I.B.M.
(Interdimensional Being of Mystery)

As Kimberly's gloved hand closed around the large cucumber from her vegetable garden, she was suddenly struck by a curious feeling of deja vu. Kneeling in the soft, pungent soil of her backyard, she paused, her brow furrowed, and puzzled over the sensation until a naughty smile played over her lips.

"Tommy," she said softly. "It's just his shape and size-- a perfect match."

Kim's boyfriend, the now powerless Green Ranger, had been up at his uncle's cabin for the past several days, trying to come to grips with his loss. She missed him dearly and felt so sorry for his misfortune, but she was also frustrated by his absence. The two had had no opportunity for a proper farewell-- only a hurried, heated kiss while his uncle honked his horn and shouted for Tommy to get his butt out to the car. Now, as she sat gazing at the hefty green vegetable and picturing Tommy in his tight green pants, she felt an intense, throbbing ache growing between her legs. Glancing up toward the house, she saw only her mother in the kitchen busily preparing for a dinner party; the rest of the windows were dark. Her pulse racing, she quickly and quietly scooted behind her rose bushes at the back of the garden, out of sight of the house, and regarded the cucumber hungrily.

_Since Tommy's not here,_ she thought, trying to justify what she was about to do, _I'll just have to use whatever's at hand._

Discarding her thick gloves, she ran her hand up and down the length of the vegetable, then brought it to her mouth for a taste. As she closed her lips around its tip and eased it into the back of her throat, the familiar size and stretch brought a small squeak of delight.

_Yep, that's Tommy all right!_

Her mouth began to water and her juices began to flow.

Once the succulent fruit was sufficiently moistened, Kim lay back on the rich, dark earth and skinned her jean shorts down to her ankles. Lifting her head, she took one last peek at the house, then trailed her prize down her body, caressing her nipples through the thin pink material of her crop top then dragging the heavy veggie across her flat, bare tummy until its blunt tip lay at the opening of her pussy. With another soft squeal of delight, followed by a throaty moan, she pushed, slowly planting the cucumber deep inside her.

Unlike Tommy's cock, the green vegetable was cool and silent within her. It touched all the right spots, filling her completely, but she still missed the long, silky hair tickling her face and the soft, brown eyes gazing at her in love and desire.

_Yes, but not enough to stop!_

She plowed the thick cuke in even deeper, then, taking it in both hands and spreading her trembling legs wide, Kimberly began to fuck herself in earnest. The setting sun, casting a pink glow over the western horizon, and the fresh, green scent of the garden both soothed and fed her excitement. She thrust harder, pushing the plump, firm fruit in and out, then held it in deep with one hand while the other sought her ripe clit. After only a few strokes, Kimberly's orgasm blossomed, her pussy muscles clinging hard to the slick vegetable while her muffled shout briefly silenced the crickets.

Sated for the moment, she eased the heavy cuke from between her legs and gently kissed its tip, now finding the green skin sweet and warm and juicy. Just then, she heard her mother calling her in exasperation.

"Kimberly, haven't you picked enough vegetables for the salad? Hurry up! The Cranstons are going to be here shortly, and you remember how much William likes my cucumber sandwiches."

"Don't worry, Mom," Kim called back as she hastily brushed the dirt from her bottom and pulled up her shorts. "I've found the perfect cucumber for Billy. He's going to love it!"

Fait accompli.

End